Smack! Conditional or Unconditional Love?

I once ran into unconditional love. I use the words “ran into” because it was like smacking into a brick wall … a brick wall because the contrast was so startlingly different from what I had ever experienced. What I have also since discovered after years of experience, observation, study and research is that unconditional love is often so elusive for many other people too because of the world we live in … driven as it is by a philosophy in opposition to unconditional love … and instead more aligned with conditional love … just as our world is more aligned with Disrespect versus Respect.

The love, of course, came in the package of a man.

What made him different from anyone else who had been in my life? I now know, it was not so much him; it was me, because then and now, for the first time since being a child, I knew in my heart I would do anything for him … and because of the conditional love that filled my experience, I was afraid of what he would ask of me and what I would do for him if he asked.

Love I had known hurt … either physically, with smacks, punches, hair pulls, rape or with words of humiliation, blatant though mostly subtle, sarcastic and deep-cutting or from the isolation born of rejection. Then there were “the conditions” … do this, do that, look like this, dress like this, act like this, not that job, this job, not that hobby, this hobby, not that amount of money, but this amount, not friends with him/her, but with them …

I met this man when I was just discovering who I really was underneath all the conditions I had previously accepted. So many changes were happening as a result of my ongoing re-discovery … changes most people did not like because my changes changed their world and they did not want … no, were angry about such changes. That’s when I realized love that I knew was conditional … not only in what I received, but also in what I gave.

Smitten by the initial unconditional acceptance of me by this man … his liking of the differences in me that others were rejecting made me love him even more … and then terrified me.

Back and forth, I oscillated between love and fear, till I contributed to his own fear … pushing us further and further apart for years and years.

The taste of unconditional love then left a bitter taste in my mouth and instead of focusing on the love, I focused on the pain … till recently, when my heart, through my growing RESPECT LEVEL re-opened the door to unconditional love.

How? By first helping me to love myself unconditionally … mistakes, bad choices and even the cruelty I lashed out to others because of my own pain or that which they inflicted, consciously or not, and that I accepted and internalized. Now I find myself praying for those who hurt me know with their judgments, words and actions. I pray they will experience the unconditional love that comes from a higher RESPECT LEVEL and results in acceptance, forgiveness and peace.

I am so glad and grateful for the wall of love I ran into … the wall that stopped me cold and said, “Look at me. I am love. Real love.” Finally, after all these years, I can now look at that wall and agree, “Yes, me too. I am love … unconditionally, for I forgive, choosing peace and cherishing over all else … no matter how much others carelessly or consciously try to hurt me with their judgments, words or actions.”

Today, I hope will you consider what a higher RESPECT LEVEL has done for this once-very tortured soul and consider what it could do for you. Maybe my story will be the wall of unconditional love you need to run into today. I hope so. Your life will never be the same … in a good way.

Sincerely, with love,
Kaitlin A. Trepanier
All Rights Reserved
August 28, 2013
Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE Developer, Author, Speaker and Playwright


What Do Chemical Warfare, Leaking Radiation, and a Gang Rape Have to Do With Bullying?

We teach our children by our own actions … and our inactions.

In our western society, we now encourage students who see other students being bullied to come forward … so we can hold the bully accountable, get them the help they need and to protect the bullied. The challenges also include getting the bystander to get involved … to do their part, to take action and to not passively turn their heads and walk away … to motivate them to move past their fear and apathy that compels them to turn their sight from what they see instead of just trudging along with their own personal lives … not stepping up to what needs to be done … not realizing what they are teaching their own children … and the world at large.

Unconditional love that seeks not to harm is the ultimate goal, but raising our global RESPECT LEVEL to the 50% mark will translate into our being role models for other people and nations whose levels are well below ours as demonstrated by their actions … chemical warfare, radiation leakage and yet another gang rape.

We can’t stop such things through our own actions, but we can examine how our beliefs, choices and actions impact the world around us … be those of our family, community, nation or global community.

Someone recently said to me that it was a good thing for me to do all I am for my Dad because, as far as she knew, he was not a mean man. Still stunned at times by people’s thoughts, words and actions, I walked away thinking how we determine how someone should be treated by our experience with them.

My Dad, like everyone else I’ve ever met, has the capability to be mean and he has been at times. … just like everyone else I’ve ever read about, met and myself. She probably was not aware of how her judgment and statement was mean when she put herself on a pedestal that she believed empowered her to think and state such a thing … and even act it out towards others she feels “above.”

Regardless, we are ultimately all human. Sometimes we are thoughtless, inconsiderate, ashamed, embarrassed, arrogant, mean, cruel, fearful, neglectful, stingy, abusive and even violent … violent in our judgment and words, not just in violent acts such as beatings, rape, and murder. Yet sometimes, like all humans, we are capable of being thoughtful, considerate, humble, kind, brave, careful, caring, generous, respectful and loving.

In our global culture, it is important to not acknowledge our dark side and to point our finger at others whose dark side is discovered through the results their actions generate … but, not recognizing, when pushed to our own limits what we may be capable of, we, like the bystanders who watch the bullying and turn away are just as responsible … and encourage others to be more like us … afraid that once our own darkness or frailties are revealed we too will be turned upon.

Just like Justin Trudeau is now being turned upon by some people for his admission to previously having smoked pot; however, experience and history has taught me that people who admit to no bad behaviour, to no mistakes or bad choices are more dangerous in the long run … like the bystanders … because by their lack of responsibility they teach others to do the same, which is why our world hasn’t really changed that much considering how long we have been on this planet.

John Mackay may say Trudeau is not good material for a leader, but my preference is for an honest, transparent politician any time over someone who denies they have made some not-so-great choices … who denies their own dark side. We’ve had enough of that kind of leadership and look where that kind of bullying has not got us as the human race.

No matter whether it is not acknowledging our mistakes, bad choices or the help we need, we play a vital part in the chaos. Whether though Japan’s passive, prideful decision not to ask for containing the radiation leak, the silent stealth violence of using chemicals to kill sleeping men, women and children, or the blatant disregard for human life by yet another violent gang rape in India, this is all bullying, as is Mackay’s attack on Trudeau … for anything that does not lift up, drags down … and that’s what people operating with low RESPECT LEVELS do … they do whatever they can to put of keep you low, falsely believing it elevates them … but of course, in the end, as it is always proven, those who seek to rise above on the backs and bodies of others, will, as history reveals, ultimately find themselves at the bottom every time.

Kaitlin (K.A.) Trepanier
All Rights Reserved
August 23, 2013
Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE Developer, Author, Speaker, and Playwright

Speaking of Growth, Adaptation … and Change: An Expert’s Story

Stretching me into the vast unknown is the vision I was given many years ago. A vision I demanded to have in order to remain in this world. A vision that promised to help transform our world from what it’s been and is, in terms of how we treat others … fueled by how many of us were and are treated … disrespectfully.

I had no idea what I asked for back then. I had no idea what the visions poured into my heart would take … what they would consist of … how long they would take … what diverse paths they would lead me upon. I had no idea the length of time it would take and most significantly, I had no idea how much the whole experience would grow me, helping me first to adapt and change, to get out from under the negative influences that shape so many of our lives … the details and the big picture.

Sifting and sorting, stopping and giving up, being re-inspired, trying again, getting disappointed more than a few times and standing up once again, living an unconventional life … assumed to be irresponsible, even criminal, this nomadic path has not only provided the knowledge gained, but the opportunity to experience first hand how the knowledge gathered.

Now, once again, other doors are closed or closing and new doors are opening … along with the visions of the next immediate steps and the details for the future much bigger picture … the global initiative.

1. Still unsuccessful at getting Dad the personal care and the funding his special needs require, resulted in the new decision last weekend to move to where he is living out his lasts months in order to be with him several days a week to take him to my home for meals, take him for drives to places he would enjoy, rather than for just short jaunts around the countryside and to take him outside for walks since he is not taken out by staff for such walks because of liability concerns
2. Just invested six hundred dollars in brake lines in his old Mercury Marquis so I can make the move to the village in the country life to be there for him
3. Have to the secure financial sourcing, through contributions, sponsorship and income as the Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE developer, author, speaker and playwright for the move, place to live, cost of living, paying back credit used to be there for Dad this past year and for rolling out the Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE Book Launch, Talk and School Package, plus the East-to-West Coast Tour launching late next spring, delivering the School Package of Talk, Play and Book Signing to schools and in outdoor venues to show and tell what individuals, schools and communities can do to raise RESPECT LEVELS for the benefit of all its citizens
4. By spring 2014, as it was expected by last spring 2013, Dad will have returned to God or I will by then be able to secure the personal care he needs beyond what his current residence is able to provide because of their budgetary constraints and because I will be generating the income the part-time low-paying and minimum wages of the past two years upon my return to Kincardine have not provided to meet my own basic cost of living or Dad’s special needs above what his pension provides

Growing, adapting and changing are my constants now in life instead of my looping in circles, doing the same over and over again, settling for so much less than what I know now God planted in my heart between the years of 1994 to 1996. With the power to turn anything bad to good, He is showing me that none of my experiences were lost or a waste but part of my training for what has arrived … the peace and the confidence the visions will be fulfilled, even more than I’ve dreamed of because they are built on faith and trust that only recently was non-existent in my life … all because my RESPECT LEVEL rose enough to examine what had shaped my beliefs and life and to change what was limiting and harmful because they were based on what my book, Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE calls the Disrespect Philosophy driving and shaping our global culture … mostly subconsciously.

Growing, adapting and changing … I am an expert, which is demonstrated by my new core belief that I am just as valuable … not more but also not less … as anyone else, regardless of my circumstances, what I have been through, the poor choices I’ve made, the poor choices others have made for me or still try to inflict upon me. Add to this new core belief of feeling valued for just being me, the rich new faith I’ve let into my once-closed heart that I am not alone and that I am loved unconditionally … has translated into the knowledge I know I am now ready to soar in ways I only once dreamed was … impossible.

Today, I now stand tall in faith and trust to declare all setbacks will be overcome and as a result, my experience will inspire others to grow, adapt and change beyond what they have become, as they too were once convinced what they have is the best they can expect … because He can turn anything bad and use it for good … and not just for one, but for the many. How blessed and fortunate, it turns out, I really am and you can be too.

Kaitlin (K.A.) Trepanier
All Rights Reserved
August 21, 2013
Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE Developer, Author, Speaker, and Playwright

Reaping the Benefits of Growth, Adaptation … and Change

It is understandable, based on the world we live in, that we reach a certain point in our lives when we do not want things or people to change. We become comfortable. We like what we have or what we do and when someone tries to change our world, we will often ignore the pressure until we start fighting back to hold things in place as they are.

The argument traditionalists use is the old is good with the justification why change what has worked or works. But the question begged, is for whom does keeping things the same work?

If we had kept things the same, we would still be living in caves, so the logic of keeping things the same, not growing, adapting and changing not only does not make logical sense, it is a false premise.

If we had kept things the same, we would not be enjoying the benefits of technology enabling us to communicate through devices, such as the one I am using right now.

If we had kept things the same, many people would not recover from life-threatening illnesses or would not have been vaccinated against such illnesses.

No matter how we look at it, scientifically or spiritually, life is about change; change brought about by learning, growing and adapting … again, again and again. It is only when we stop … desire to settle at a certain point and also try to force other people to do the same, that we run into the bigger problems our world faces … and all biggest problems are a result of our relationship with those and the world around us. We want things to just be okay and not change.

We may not want our spouse, our partner, our friends, our family, our work environment, our job, our daily routine to change. As a result, when they do, we struggle to hold on to people and things the way they were … even if the way things were doesn’t make us happy anymore, doesn’t satisfy or even harms through trying to control others. Ironically, the tighter we try to hold, the more what or whom we are trying to control naturally fights back because the adaptation need resides deep in us all.

Fighting back takes different shapes though. Some just walk away quietly, some stay begrudgingly, tussling with words and actions as resentment grows, some try to get us to let go and grow too. In the end though, change always wins. The husband or wife leaves the other, the business partner sells their share to the other, the employee leaves a company that doesn’t foster and reward their growth, a family member pulls away from the family that won’t accept their growth or uniqueness, the resident moves away from a nation where safety through conformity rules economics, politics, religion and societal demands, the teenager runs away, the unaccepted goes underground by disappearing or becoming homeless, many turn to drugs, alcohol and any addition to numb the pain of either giving in to being controlled or to pretend that is not what is happening.

At all costs, traditionalists say what we had or have is the best thing, but how can it be when we only use a small percentage, 10% to 20% of our brain power? Do we really want to limit ourselves to living such small lives? What benefits, if any, do we reap by doing so?

Traditionalists call anyone a non-traditionalist irresponsible or wild; risk takers who would throw caution to the wind, but if it wasn’t for the non-traditionalists, we would still be in the caves … because it was a non-traditionalist who ventured beyond … who discovered fire … who travelled across lands and seas in order for us to be here today, living in homes with running water, electricity, comfortable furniture … all discovered or created by non-traditionalists.

No matter what our life looks like now, there is so much more waiting for each of us to reap, including the safety only a peaceful world, built on a high RESPECT LEVEL, for each other, and ourselves, will provide. The cost is small … continuous learning, growing and changing, compared to the price we as individuals and our world pay daily for staying the same in our beliefs and our actions. Just watch the news and choose your preference. Keep supporting the world the way it is … or as it has been said, be part of the change you want to see happen. Raise your own RESPECT LEVEL and watch your life become enriched in all ways.

Kaitlin (K.A) Trepanier
All Rights Reserved
August 21, 2013
Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE Developer, Author, Speaker and Playwright

What Do A Hate Letter, A Murder and a Ban on Hijabs Have in Common?

Other than all being on the news today, all three reflect low RESPECT LEVELS.

Low RESPECT LEVELS breed intolerance, prejudice, a false sense of superiority and demonstrate a lack of compassion through ignorance and their own low self-worth because only people with low self-worth need to feel they are above others by putting them down, in any way they can get away with.

This is how a mother could write a letter to another mother suggesting she euthanize her autistic son.

This is how three youths could, without any remorse, pick a person to shoot for entertainment … because they were bored.

This is how a politician/administrator could believe he is justified in banning some people’s religious symbols like hijabs. We know it is based on a low RESPECT LEVEL because he isn’t proposing, that I know of, banning the wearing of Christian jewellery in public places or the use of Christian bumper stickers … and I certainly would stand up to my right as a Christian to wear a cross if I chose.

This is how Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE works. It connects the dots to show what RESPECT LEVEL we are operating with by looking at both the details and the big picture of any issue or challenge in our society.

DON’T MISS OUT! Book a talk for your school or group this fall to learn more … before the tour hits the road spring 2014 so you won’t have to pay long distance expenses.

Kaitlin (K.A.) Trepanier
All Rights Reserved
August 20, 2013
Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE Developer, Author and Speaker for the book being released autumn 2013