Forced to Stay in a Relationship Because …

Getting into a relationship is easy because most of us want the dream of the relationship being “The” relationship of our lifetime … that will last a lifetime.

But unfortunately, desire for “The” relationship clouds our best judgment and what should have been “The” relationship results instead in yet another learning experience … one difficult to walk away from, especially if we have grown accustomed to a lifestyle the combined finances generated.

Separation is the acknowledgement change needs to happen, yet with a separation hope remains; however, with the receipt of the divorce papers, the finality sinks in, along with having to deal with the financial ramifications … the “who gets what” scenario many dread … even if we know the change really is the best decision.

But what if you were forced into a relationship you did not want to have? What if your country was overtaken by another? Another who used violence to take what belonged to you? And what if over time, you still desired your freedom, but did not want violence to be the catalyst of change? What if you desperately wanted out of a relationship you never wanted or asked for … even if over time you were treated decently? Would you still feel like a prisoner … a slave to another person’s desires versus yours?

If so, what would the answer be?

One person walking away from another, even with children involved, is one thing and challenging enough to emotions, minds, and finances … so what about a portion of country’s citizens who want a divorce but are denied because the majority rules? Even if that majority is only a small percentage higher than those who want the divorce?

If democracy is about freedom, does that freedom not apply to all people in a country? And if the country is built on the premise of freedom, then isn’t it the country’s responsibility to figure out the details of the country’s separation so eventually enough of the details will be resolved, by people with high enough Respect Levels, who know that keeping people from their freedom of choice and punishing them for their choice is counterproductive to their nation’s welfare, in order for both parties to go their own ways and build new lives … and nations with people who want to be where they are?

Twice divorced, once from a marriage less than a month after turning sixteen (not pregnant … just running from situations I did not know how to deal with effectively) and once from a marriage of nineteen years after my true self started to emerge, which replaced the chameleon I had become to try to be what people wanted to be accepted, liked and even loved, I know from experience of what I write.

What compelled me to leave both was my desire for freedom … but not freedom to be wild and unrestrained … but freedom to discover who I really was … and to be who I really was and to be with people who valued … respected me for me. The quest achieved many years later, freedom is a gift I longed for my whole life and now I know how to be me, I can once again consider marriage again because this time I will go into the marriage as me … and my husband will know at the beginning who I am and he will think I am cool and will not desire to change or restrain me by his beliefs … and nor will I him.

Inspired by the week’s events, I write this in the wake of Scotland’s referendum … 55% wanted to stay … 45% wanted out of a relationship they never had a choice about. There was no victory because victory is not victory if it is about oppressing people. Instead the numbers reveal much work has yet to be done in raising Respect Levels in the nation, just like Canada has to with regards to its province of Quebec citizens, who desire their freedom also, and other countries too around the world who desire to be freed from the various kinds and levels of oppression.

Democracy has to grow with the awareness that keeping people prisoners, no matter how kindly, is still preventing freedom. And countries filled with discontent, need to work on the plans of how to fairly split the nation and resources. Not a quick fix, but a process that will in time, free those held prisoner, even if only in their hearts and minds, yet will also free the oppressors from roles and responsibilities that have become unnecessary and obsolete, plus foster discord and strife.

Of course, as with any divorce, especially when children are involved, people have to learn to accept change is inevitable and what has come to pass is often not about them, but about everybody … and everyone has to work together to create something new out of something old … being hurt, resentful, angry, and even vengeful will only make the pain worse, plus will cloud judgment on how to best move forward for all people’s sake.

Living is all about change. Change will happen regardless of how much we fight to keep things the same and history proves the more we try to keep people imprisoned, in any way, at some point they will more than just disagree … they will fight for what they believe is right … their freedom to choose. A higher level Respect Level world will recognize this natural progression and will develop ways to adapt to the pressing changes … including shifting borders and signing divorce papers of a once unified nation.

September 20, 2014

Kaitlin Ann Trepanier

Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE
author and altruistic entrepreneur … because every child … every person … should know, by their own experience, they are valued … RESPECTED. ©


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