“And the Lord turned the captivity of Job (from the enemy) and restored his fortunes when he prayed for (and forgave) his friends; also the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before.” Job 42:10
Three times I was righteous, in right standing with God … first as a baptized child, and then later, twice in my life when I sought to change … to do what was in my heart to do … to help people in the way my unique inherent and learned gifts, talents, and skills would allow … to do the right thing.
However, my differences as a child set me apart from the flock because of the flock’s misunderstanding and condemnation of those not mirroring back their own images. Without respect … being valued as a unique individual … like any child hungry for acceptance and safety, I turned to those who were also broken early and rejected, though, because of their own pain from their experiences, they took advantage of me … and taught me to do the same.
In my early thirties, I attempted to return to being righteous, but much had happened … things I had done … things done to me … so that even when the door opened and I walked through, the loneliness along with the additional condemnation overwhelmed me to the point I walked … ran away from everyone and everything, even that which had been good, even turning away that which felt right, like what I was supposed to be doing … writing to help people.
In my fifties, a final attempt rose up from deep inside to do right … to be righteous, but once again, I was shocked by the negative backlash, even though intellectually I knew there should be no reason for the shock because my research, studies, and analysis had clearly revealed the answer from both a scientific and a spiritual perspective.
But it has been in the past year, that I discovered Job and his story. Though he had been righteous all his life, God allowed the enemy to test and try him, taking away all that was good and bountiful in his life, which I felt like had been done to me too, but the difference between Job and myself was our attitudes. He had faith, never lost hope, trusted God … me, not so much. Not for most of my life anyway.
Though I had heard of Job the past few years, the hardships he endured … everything taken away from him … I had not yet read his story in The Bible, but yesterday, the page The Bible flipped open to was the ending of Job’s story and here I found the above passage.
Reading the end of Job’s story also revealed why I have lost so much … being tested, tried, and prepared for positive change, while mistakenly myself, along with many others, thought I had lost so much because I was a horrible person, unrighteous, made too many mistakes, and was reaping what I had sown.
For some time, the more honest, truthful, and full of integrity I grew, the more things got worse. I was frustrated that by doing all the right things, persecution seemed to rain upon, and even flood my life at times. And then the story of Job arrived and I understand what has happened and why.
As a result, with a new ability created by the new levels of respect, peace, and love to forgive all, I know I shall reap like Job now that I too have been freed. Perhaps the Lord will also bless me too more in the latter days of my life than He did in the beginning because of my commitment to doing the right things I am to do … now matter how long it has taken me and how many tries before I persevered and succeeded.
Perhaps when people read Job’s story and mine, DARK HORSES, they too will discover that reaping what we sow is not entirely in our hands, as any farmer or gardener will tell you. Stuff happens that we cannot control or even influence. Yet, as I am discovering, all things are possible when we believe in something more than just ourselves.
July 23, 2015
KAITLIN A. TREPANIER
HUMANITARIAN. SOCIAL ENTREPRENEUR. CREATIVE.
Freeing “Potential” with Education, Entertainment, and Inspiration with the global initiative and core book Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE … because every child … every person … should know, by their own experience, they are valued … RESPECTED.
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