What is not being talked about following the conclusion of Jian Ghomeshi’s trial by either side is what is most important … men or women with low Respect Levels attract men or women with comparable Respect Levels … both of which take out their pain, frustration, and anger on those they connect with, especially those he or she believes they can control, manipulate, abuse, physically harm, and even kill.
I know this because as a woman who experienced abuse and violence from a young age, without the support needed, I naturally carried much of the results into my adulthood. Because of my lack of deep-seated awareness of how to change the impact on my choices and behavior, even after working with a psychologist for a year and a half to deal with some of the suppressed emotions, it was not until my research and introspection connected all the dots, developed The Respect Principle concept, and kick-started the process of making the healthier choices and changes made possible by increasing my Respect Level.
Once focused on my victimization, a rage consumed much of my emotional energy and even manifested physical symptoms that lead to physical ill health. The rage also spilled out onto my relationships, personal and professional, and in retrospect, I see how I lashed out at people with my anger, often using cynicism and sarcasm as weapons against the people in my present, who were not necessarily the ones that inflicted the original pain or even present pain, at least, not consciously and intentionally, but again, we attract people who will inflect their pain their way, which can even be through non-acceptance and ostracization.
What this has to do with Ghomeshi and the women who accused him of physical harm is they too were operating at the same low Respect Level. Experiences, combined with the cultural philosophy people have to earn respect rather than respect being a principle, applicable to everyone, have impaired their Respect Level, so Ghomeshi may have acted out his rage in bursts of inflicting physical pain and the women accepted the behaviour because of their distorted sense of needing to have a relationship with someone who hurt them … which is why Ghomeshi carried on the behaviour … because the women did not complain or leave, but instead stayed connected … typical in many abusive, controlling, manipulative relationships whether romantic, sexual, work-related, etc.
That is, until they were discarded by Ghomeshi or began to wake up and raise their Respect Levels and subsequently went public with accusations against him, also not in a healthy respectful or even legal way, it may also appear.
Once a victim, repeatedly, I understand the outrage the women, the accusers and their supporters, felt about the unfairness of the results. But for everyone’s safety, we cannot throw out the concept of reasonable doubt when it is convenient for our desired outcome. The judge really had no choice, based on the subsequent behavior of the women after the alleged violence, but to dismiss their claims, even if true, because their behaviour revealed what many would call instability, a result of previous abuse or violence or even a level of insanity. I call it low Respect Levels … a way of thinking and acting that impairs one’s ability to make sound, healthy choices based on positive role modeling.
Ghomeshi’s behaviour also stems from a low Respect Level, in part developed by the global philosophy of disrespect, especially against women, and however his own experiences shaped his thinking. Unfortunately, because the women did not stand up to his initial actions that offended, scared or hurt them, permission was given to him to continue with them or with others.
My heart goes out to both sides for their pain and my hope is that for all involved the personal work that needs to be done gets done, so everyone can move on in a healthy way. Forgiveness is also part of the healing process, and though not easy at first, I know healing and peace can only be attained with forgiveness.
Does that mean we should forget what is said to have transpired? No. It means we work together, not to change the legal system some conjecture failed the women, but to change the mindset, the philosophy … the principle that defines some people as worth of respect and others not … that fails women and any vulnerable person.
Educating and inspiring us all to increase our Respect Levels for each other … for all of us … is the compassionate answer to the change we seek.
How Our Culture Failed Ghomeshi and the Women … and What We Can Do About It
March 27, 2016
Kaitlin Ann Trepanier … The Respect Specialist, Humanitarian, Social Entrepreneur, Publisher, Author, Creative, Speaker, and Developer of core concept, The Respect Principle, and the global initiative, Respect for All. Stalled for a few years, the restarted company designed as a for-profit to meet the social need develops and delivers books, products, and services that educate, entertain, and inspire the positive changes needed for the vision of Respect for All.
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