The beauty of getting older is the opportunity to grow wiser, but gaining wisdom often requires the effort.
Notions of what made for successful relationships and the two marriages my youth was filled with contrary and also incomplete beliefs that sabotaged relationships and made for far too much unnecessary drama, conflict, and ultimately, loss for everyone.
Fortunately, the desire to not repeat past performances drove me to the books, at first, to understand me and why I did what I did, so I could better understand, appreciate, and then to interact with others in new ways to connect in a positive, respectful manner.
- Recognize when we focus on being right, we are often coming from the place where pride from our wounds impedes or blocks our ability to walk away from an emotional battle we do not need to win and our ability to let the little things roll off us without inflicting looks, harsh words, addictions, or worse … affairs, divorce, and violence.
- Acquire new knowledge and discover different ways to engage with those you love, those you work with, and with everyone, which also includes letting go of anger and other negative emotions that take control of us and our lives if we do not manage their impact on us.
- Adapt to life, as it, and the people around us, change, slowly or rapidly, to embrace the quality of life you desire and the quality you want for your loved ones.
For me, after two divorces a lot of time passed because a lot of digging had to be done, especially with comparing my experiences to the constantly evolving knowledge provided by humanities and the sciences.
However, the crucial bit freeing me to be a better wife, a partner, a daughter, a friend, a co-worker, etc. was the examination of my religious background and experiences in comparison to my personal study in the past few years of the book, The Bible, they were based upon.
My personal studies revealed how many of the misconceptions I had were based on partial truths; excerpts often taken or remembered of context.
For example, like me, you may have the heard the quote from The Bible that says a woman is supposed to be submissive to her husband, to obey him, but I, along with many of you, probably do not recall hearing the other part of the verse … men are supposed to cherish their wives and how well men do so will be reflected in how their wives shine. And we are not just talking about appearance, but also about emotional, psychological, and physical health.
Another example to counter the physical discipline many people still believe is appropriate is the passage just below the passage above wives is the passage that fathers are not to grieve their children nor create resentment in the children.
There are many, many more examples of the beliefs taken out of context in some way and they are probably different for many of us; however, the whole truth cannot be denied nor can the benefits the whole truths put into action reap.
As our Respect Level grows, we grow as does our ability to love … without conditions or expectations.
As we grow and adapt, we can make the best choices … conscious, well-informed, and respectful, instead of subconscious or unconscious, often reactionary and even conflicting choices.
What amazes me is I finally feel whole, capable in many new ways of having the relationships I hungered for, but did not know how to have … until now … and that includes being an excellent wife someday because I have recognized changes needed to be made for different results, have studied how to adapt successfully, and as a result, am empowered to adapt as people and things change, as they and I, undoubtedly will.
Thank you for being a person who also wants to give more by being more. And, as always, thanks for dropping by!
Kaitlin Ann Trepanier, Writer, The Respect Specialist, Social Entrepreneur, and Business Administrator.
www.therespectprinciple.com ©All Rights Reserved.
May 29, 2016