When A Parent Dies

No matter what kind of relationship we have or don’t have with a parent, everything changes when a parent dies.

Dad in Washington, DC Cropped Image

My dad, Oscar John Trepanier, who passed away three years ago today, had a complex relationship with me though he was not a complex man. Forces beyond his awareness or control shaped the choices he would make that caused him to regret a lot of his life.

Thrown together by circumstances in his last several years, our relationship finally found an even keel and we could see each other more clearly as the individuals we had been and were becoming.

Being his personal care manager and part-time support worker, on call 24 hours a day, was one of the most stressful and challenging times of my life, but because of the healthy, happy changes in our relationship, I would not change a thing.

Even the fifteen thousand dollars debt I incurred so I could be available for him to meet his care needs and to provide him with things and experiences to make his quality of life better than it could have been, I would do again.

Why? Because no matter what happened and didn’t happen between us, he was my dad.

As for me, I knew it was just going to be a matter of time before I would clear up the debt and get my own finances in good shape, even better than ever before. Another valuable lesson taught to me by my dad … learning from his mistakes created by his low “Respect Level” for his self for reasons he did not understand and therefore could not control … but I do and will, breaking a chain, or what the Bible calls a generational curse.

Thank you Dad. Miss you and pray you are finally at rest peacefully.

Your eldest daughter,

Kaitlin, once known as Debra

March 20, 2018


Advocate Innovator Entrepreneur Founder Author Artist Speaker

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

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