I missed “Some Kind of Wonderful” movie’s release in 1987. In fact, I didn’t see the film until several years later, though I wished I had seen the movie in 1987 as many changes were taking place in my life at that time.

Warning … the next bit could be a spoiler alert if you have not yet seen the film.

Since my teen years were not normal teen years, a drop out at sixteen to marry, I did not experience the high school socialization process, be that a bad or a good thing. Regardless watching films about the high school and college years have helped me to see life differently.

When I finally did see Howard Deutch’s “Some Kind of Wonderful” film I was struck by many things, but particularly the phrase, “I would rather be alone for the right reasons then with someone for the wrong reasons.”

Pow! A truth I had been grappling with over the years was finally conveyed with such clarity, my choices to leave people were finally validated.

Not how I left them  though because I was still tainted by young experiences that had scarred my emotional intelligence deeply, leaving me challenged in all of my personal and professional relationships.

For years I did not understand why at an early age, business owners and managers put me in supervisory and junior management roles, but not higher.

Because of how I have been seeking to understand, change, and grow past my history to stop repeating patterns and mistakes, I even contacted the last business owner I worked for who promoted  me from a part-time seasonal merchandiser to a salaried full-time role.

One of the things he wrote back was something like, “I didn’t understand what happened to you. You had so much potential.”

Now, I had heard that from my parents and a few high school folks before I quit, but after that no one really explained or maybe they tried, but my defensiveness blocked my hearing their good intentions.

But when he wrote back with his words, I knew what he meant. I did not go into a lot of detail, but told him when I was working for his company, I was going through a very difficult time, including a divorce, leaving someone I knew I should not be with in order to just be with someone.

This fact was driven home in me because at that company I met someone who altered my view on what being close to someone could be … should be like.

I would like to say the friendship turned into more, but I had a lot of learning and healing to do. Before I saw “Some Kind of Wonderful” I was just beginning to grasp it truly is better, for everyone, for a person to be alone for the right reasons than being with a person or people for the wrong reasons.

And I have learned this applies not just to our closest relationship with a person, but also applies to those we choose to let in to our inner circles … our personal and our professional circles.

The beauty of that one-line of wisdom in “Some Kind of Wonderful” is when we make the choice to be alone for the right reasons, we set ourselves on a path to discover who we really are BEFORE committing ourselves to a relationship because we learn also how to be alone … which prepares us to really be with someone for all the right reasons.

July 3, 2018

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Human/Animal Rights Activist Social Scientist Founder Entrepreneur Author Artist

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

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