Looking Behind the Narcissist’s Curtain

Much like the OZ wizard character in “The Wizard of Oz” movie, narcissists may appear more confident, capable, and powerful than what they really are.

“Overview. Narcissistic personality disorder — one of several types of personality disorders — is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.Nov 18, 2017”

“Narcissistic personality disorder – Symptoms and causes …
http://www.mayoclinic.org › symptoms-causes › syc-20366662”

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER
Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President
http://www.connectingthedotswiththerespectprinciple.com
© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019
September 1, 2020

Authority Abusers

Just because someone has authority over someone or a group of people does not mean they have good character … what sometimes happens is people with a low “Respect Level” for his or her self needs to feel empowered by controlling and manipulating others with the, conscious or unconscious, intent to inflict pain that mirrors or is worse than their own. Such a person a group also seeks to elevate themselves above others … which is yet another way prejudice takes hold, grows, and manifests indifference, apathy, hatred, violence, and war.

 

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2020

July 22, 2020

 

 

Break the Tradition … Not the Children

The fact people are still equally divided on whether a child is acceptable or note, plus the slow-shifting idea that maybe getting smacked was not a good experience is an opportunity to clarify the impact of physical punishment.

To strike means to give a blow to, to hit, to cause to come into forceful contact, to attack. To spank means to strike something with an open hand, especially on the buttocks, as punishment. Violence is physical force so as to injure or damage, is intense powerful force, unjust or callous use of force or power, a violent deed or act. Coles Concise English Dictionary, 1979)

Yes, many people have been spanked because it is a tradition, But also, many people have also received strikes that went well beyond spanking, including slaps across the face, smacks with belts, straps, rulers, yardsticks, whatever was handy for beatings that even resulted in death. Remember, people often take out their frustration and anger on those they “love.”

The problem is not the child or a child’s behaviour. The problem is with with parents, caregivers, and society to refuse to move past a tradition because it is a tradition.

On one hand, I do not understand why people, who take on the tremendous responsibility of raising a child and transforming them into an adult, would not want to take the time to learn from the present knowledge instead of repeating the past. If one was an employed caregiver, we certainly expect them to receive the same knowledge through training and to act accordingly.

On the other hand, my years of research, built on the research of other experts, including Alice Miller, the forerunner who studied how Hitler and others were shaped into the adults they became, revealed our dominant, often unconscious belief people have to earn respect to be considerable valuable.

When it comes to our stuff, if we value it, we treat it with care. How much depends on our own “Respect Level,” which was shaped by our own experiences. How we treat others and children reveals the same.

Even horse training advanced beyond tradition. “Breaking” horses is now considered cruel and unnecessary since “gentling” a horse results, not only in a quicker response, but in a response based on bonding fostering willingness versus fear fostering rebellion.

The final piece of the puzzle is recognizing our differences. One psychological tool, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), reveals there are sixteen personality types, yet we need to consider all the other influencing factors, such as, culture, religion, social status, etc. affecting a family. Considering these and many other factors, we really do not know how physical punishment is going to affect a child.

The truth is striking a child is no longer the smart, compassionate, or respectful thing to do … raising awareness and choosing alternatives is. Let’s break the tradition no longer serving us. Let’s not take the chance and break … then have to repair the children, teens, and adults … physical punishment creates.

Kaitlin A. Trepanier

By permission, this originally published “Letter to the Editor” in the South Bruce Weekender, January 21, 2016, is being published today by the original author to share the contents with a global versus small community audience.

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KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019

June 30, 2020

 

 

 

 

From Gentle Souls to Monsters

History and science teach us that unacknowledged, unprocessed pain can transform even the gentlest of souls into monsters of all kinds, so we need a more enlightened and aware approach to how we treat each other … especially those closest to us … because love should not hurt, makes us feel bad about ourselves, etc. and if it does, it is likely not love we are acting on, but something else.

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KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019

June 28, 2020

 

 

Exemplifying Respectful, Loving Leadership

This is what respectful, loving leadership looks like in contrast to disrespectful, hateful leadership. Bravo Sheriff Chris Swanson for your wisdom … providing a positive, life-affirming role model by listening to the protesters request and standing in solidarity with them, demonstrating not all police are represented by the few … those who should not even be police (peace) officers.
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KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019

June 1, 2020

Is Freedom and Civil Disobedience, For Any Reason, Justifiable?

If every human was conscientious and never acted disrespectfully towards another human, freedom would be very different in our world. We would be able to trust that no person or organization would, consciously or not, seek to take advantage of or harm another person or group of people.

But, since that freedom definition is the ideal versus the reality, laws, courts, and prisons were created to help prevent, but also deal with those who harmed others, intentionally or not.

As someone who desperately sought the freedom to live the life right for me, not defined by other people’s expectations and wants, I felt caged by invisible bars. As a result, for years the desire to be accepted for my differences caused me to do the crazy dance of acing like most people I knew and then in defiance, when the restraint became overwhelming, I acted out, hurting both other people and myself.

Freedom finally came to me along with the wisdom no one gets to define my life, my beliefs, and my actions, so now  I live my life as I need to do for my own well-being. People like Nelson Mandela also helped me to understand what real freedom feels and looks like. Fortunately also, wisdom provided the respect and compassion to not force my beliefs and actions on another person or group, but also to be aware of how my beliefs and actions affect others.

Right now, after many weeks of lockdown due to the COVID-19 pandemic, people are crying “Freedom” and this morning I even heard an American restaurant owner, who had opened his restaurant and served a large number of people not practising social distancing, also cry out his and their civil liberties are being violated, so his civil disobedience is his and his customers’ right.

But civil disobedience, exemplified in Henry David Thoreau’s essay, “Civil Disobedience” that is part of many high school curriculum, is not about doing what one wants for any reason … it is about doing what one can to object to political leadership … that is harmful.

Sadly, though, many people who are citing freedom and resorting to civil disobedience are not acting to protect others as is its intention, in this case other people’s health, but to satisfy their personal wants, risking the lives of others for their own satisfaction and gain, for which there are many words, which I will leave to your imagination.

Yes, most of us are being hit economically for many reasons. Food prices keep climbing, but that does not mean we have the freedom to steal. People who sell us food often work for low wages and need their jobs, so they are forced to work. What about their freedom? Are medical staff free to choose who they help? What about their freedom?  What about other essential workers and their freedom? And all the people being forced back to work by employers to meet company income needs, personal income needs, and citizens needs, what about their freedom?

People are dying. Health care costs are skyrocketing. Life as we have known has been shutdown. This pandemic is not just about one person wants. It is about all of us … men, women, teens, and children around the world. Leaders are struggling, trying to do their best to help the people they govern. In-fighting is happening in governments. Protesting is an option … but putting the lives of others at risk to do so … the innocent … is not. Right now it may be not be a criminal law, however, it is a crime against humanity to act with such disregard for other life because someone thinks he or she is more important …  more valuable than anyone else.

It is time to get a grip on ourselves. It is time to support our nations and fellow citizens. It is time to step up and recognize our global citizenship. We may not like it, but let’s put the present scenario in perspective. We are at war. You have been called to be a soldier and do your part for the greater good of your nation and our global nation.

When enough of us finally grasp this reality, we will all win because we will not have so many people needing to feel more special that they seek to put themselves above all others and in the end, hurt not only themselves, but the people they impact. We will see ourselves truly equally, not slaves to ego and pride, but servants for the greater good, which also enriches our individual worlds too, empowering us with the freedom to be our unique selves that contributes in our unique way … adding versus subtracting to the quality of life of humanity … one person at a time.

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019

May 12, 2020

 

 

 

 

 

“The Dark Side of Charisma”

Article by Mike Albo for Ted Ideas published on Pocket

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/the-dark-side-of-charisma?utm_source=pocket-newtab

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KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019

May 4, 2020

 

The Whole Truth Behind “Wives Obey Your Husbands”

Many religions and people extract Biblical excerpts for their own motives and purposes. One of the ones often quoted, partially, is this one:

“Wives, be subject to your husbands, (subordinate and adapt yourself to them) as is right and fitting and your proper duty to the Lord.” Colossians 3:18

But what many people, men mostly, do is omit or disregard is the following Colossians 3:19-22:

“Husbands, love your wives (be affectionate and sympathetic with them) and do not be harsh or bitter or resentful towards them.”

“Children, obey your parents in everything, for this is pleasing to the Lord.”

“Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or fret your children (do not be hard on them or harass them), lest they become discouraged and sullen and morose and feel inferior and frustrated. (Do not break their spirit.)

Servants, obey in everything, those who are your earthly masters, not only when their eyes are on you as pleasers of men, but in simplicity of purpose (with all your heart) because of your reverence for the Lord and as a sincere expression of your devotion to Him.

I agree with Joyce Meyer’s sentiments, “If everyone would obey these instructions, think of the peace and joy that would fill each of our homes. There would be no divorce.” quoted from The Confident Woman by Joyce Meyer (pages 60:61)

What about you?

And hey, check what follows after Colossians 3:22 … Colossians 3:23, 24 because it is even more important to women so we do not give up our personal lives for a husband … because though a man is to be head of the household, he is not head of a woman’s life  … God is.

“Whatever may be your task, work at it heartily (from the soul) as (something done) for the Lord and not for men.

Knowing (with all certainty) that it is from the Lord (and not from men) that you will receive the inheritance which is your (real) reward. (The One Whom) you are actually serving (is) the Lord Christ (the Messiah).

Isn’t this something to know and use if someone tries to control our life?

Joyce wraps it up beautifully with “Notice too there is no mention at all of one member, only doing what is right if the others do. No, each member is responsible for their part. Each of us will stand before God and give an account of our lives. (Romans 14:12) We will not be asked about another person, but only ourselves. Each of us should strive to do the right thing even if we are the only one willing to do so. This greatly honors God and will be rewarded in due time.”

Just one more reason to go to the source and get the whole truth for yourself.

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist Writer Speaker Social Entrepreneur Founder and President

of Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2020

April 18, 2020

 

 

 

 

To Whom It May Concern

My waking up to the realities of my life, including the ones I had buried and other realities people also refused to believe or denied resulted, not just in the end of a nineteen-year marriage, but my slide into a deep, debilitating depression.

The marriage ending was no surprise, in retrospect, because it was built on falseness, including my own. Falseness created by a woman-child who had been severely harmed in her younger years and, subconsciously, was looking for safety in the guise of what was considered normal.

But the truth must come out or we, all of us, pay the consequences for living not just an unauthentic life, but a life that needs to be supported by acceptable untruths to make other people allow us into the pack.

We may appear to fit into the pack we think we need to be a part of to the point we become chameleons, sadly adapting to the point we lose our identity.

In the mid 1990’s, I realized I had lost mine and became undone.

Facing long-buried memories my mind had protected me from resulted in a waking up that was actually exhilarating because finally things and my life were starting to make sense. And even though successful in many people’s eyes, deep down I knew I was living marginally compared to what I, and some other people, believed I was capable of doing.

In the process of reclaiming my true identity, talents, and skills, I did not change my life, but also the lives of people in my life. Many people were hurt or angry, or both, and most walked, even ran away, though appearances made it look as if I was running away. In truth, they had left me, though not physically, long before I had the courage to leave.

Then I met someone who treated me with respect, care, and acceptance beyond what I had ever known, But, broken as I had been before I married, the end of many relationships, including the long-term marriage, resulted from many people’s unwillingness to just let me explore what was revealed as important to me and to let me in my own time and in my own way.

Sadly, but understandably now, even he ran away because well, I was literally falling apart at the seams and no one I knew wanted to be around so I left … dropped out of the life I had known.

Trying to save face and keep myself afloat, I denied the deep depression grabbing at my ankles, trying to pull me into a dark abyss. Money became an issue when I was laid off, but since my head was fogged with bad daydreams and worse nightmares, plus pride, overcoming the shame to seek and ask for help was prevented and I found myself slipping further into the abyss.

With no money, bills piling up, credit maxed to the limit, no food, and a roof over my head would soon not be able to afford, my body and my spirit laid down for ten days, barely getting out of bed to go to the washroom and take a sip of water. Only when someone showed up and discovered my state did things start to change, though not for the better.

In a matter of weeks, I found myself living in a suburban home in a room, ashamedly paid for by welfare. In a month, an unexpected call from a retail art and framing gallery. Finally, I was climbing up rather than sliding down. And I was grateful for a job where I was left alone to do a job in a world I wanted to explore. Creditors were the only ones interested in me now and I could not bear the harsh, cruel worlds and threats, so, since I had no idea how or when things were going to turn around I bowed my head further and filed for bankruptcy, handing my much-loved motorcycle back to the bank.

When I had expressed interest in moving to the west coast, a finance professional suggested I make the move so I could get my life back on track, including clearing my debts without the abusive creditors’ pressure. But, still gripped tightly by depression and a profound loss of confidence, I did not see a way to make the move. And frankly, I did not want to move away from those I loved, even if they no longer loved me, because I was clinging to the hope they would come back for me, in order to keep me moving forward.

After all I have been through, credit was not something I wanted to get involved with again and for several years I avoided it. But, when I was compelled by circumstances to move back to the place where I used to and where my dad still lived to help him through his last years, I could not do it without credit because I was forced to quit work to be on call for him twenty four hours a day. There was no other other financial support available to me.

When the collection calls started to come this time, I referred to the letters I had sent all my creditors explaining that I would not file for bankruptcy, but at some point I would pay back all my debts to them personally, and eventually with interest. Collection companies though would not listen and I discovered through the wretched process yet another significant contributor to abuse and its impact on people already struggling … a humanitarian injustice I will work to change.

And as someone who is now dedicated fully now to transforming how people are treated, regardless of their differences, circumstances, etc., I have been applying for grants to reboot the social business venture I initially started in 2014, but was stalled by parental care needs and the fallout of that time period.

I was inspired to share this glimpse of my life with the supporters of my quest to transform respect from a discretionary value to a global principle, with those who just want the money that was not even theirs to begin with and any interested party.

In time, God’s timing I believe, my company will secure the grants needed to get off the ground, running, and thriving. And in time, the creditors who enabled me to be there with my dad during his last, very difficult years will receive the rewards, not just of the money returned with interest, but also with the valuable lesson that not all people are out to screw creditors and treating people respectfully provides the motivation people need to repay debts rather than write them off. Financial institutions, as well as businesses, are also accountable too for exploiting people, especially low income people who earn poverty wages businesses offer, pay high percentages of their income for rent and utilities, and are encouraged strongly by media to want what they cannot afford.

With the COVID-19 pandemic being the going concern and the buzz phrase, “We’re in this together” promoting the impact we have on each other, now is the time to really get it … that we are all connected and what one person, one group, one organization, and one nation do impacts us all, so how and what we choose to do makes us problem makers or problem solvers.

As someone finally wide-awake, I choose to be a problem solver and  fortunately, inherently I excel at problem solving because of the way I see things.

As for whom it may concern, know this … I now know, mistakes and all, I am just as valuable as anyone else and no one gets to treat me as anything less than one worthy of respect … simply for being a life.

Shared by

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist Writer Speaker Social Entrepreneur Founder and President

of Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2020

April 18, 2020

 

 

 

 

 

“As A Child Advocate, I Beg You to Consider This …”

For all parents and caregivers of children, not following the required COVID-19 protocols puts your children at risk … and makes you accountable for neglect, endangerment, and abuse. And even if children protection services are not involved because of the current circumstances, if your child becomes ill or even dies, you will have to live with the consequences, so please temper your wants with the blessing and responsibility of raising a human life.

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist Writer Speaker Social Entrepreneur Founder and President

of Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2020

April 8, 2020