“First Born Children Really Are Treated Differently by Mom”

Linked article by Emma Betuel for Inverse on Pocket Worthy

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/first-born-children-really-are-treated-differently-by-mom?utm_source=pocket-newtab

Shared by …

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER
Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President
http://www.connectingthedotswiththerespectprinciple.com
© All Rights Reserved 2014-2020
November 21, 202
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Authority Abusers

Just because someone has authority over someone or a group of people does not mean they have good character … what sometimes happens is people with a low “Respect Level” for his or her self needs to feel empowered by controlling and manipulating others with the, conscious or unconscious, intent to inflict pain that mirrors or is worse than their own. Such a person a group also seeks to elevate themselves above others … which is yet another way prejudice takes hold, grows, and manifests indifference, apathy, hatred, violence, and war.

 

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2020

July 22, 2020

 

 

“The Dangerous Downside of Perfection”

The linked article is filled with all the data you need to reconsider how you live or are influencing others to live. There are personal stories too, including mine shared below the link. Happy reading!

Linked article by Amanda Ruggeri for BBC Future on PocketWorthy

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/the-dangerous-downsides-of-perfectionism?utm_source=pocket-newtab

My Personal Experience with Perfectionism

Because of my unusual personality type, I did not “fit in” unless I was doing everything “perfect” or above average, but the cost was high, especially in the long run. When I finally raised my “Respect Level” high enough, valuing myself equally to others, I quit obsessing with perfect and started focusing on discovering who I was under the perfect image that was killing me with its unreasonable, unrealistic, and painful consequences.

Though my physical and mental health has since improved, a cost was also paid for with the loss of many relationships, but then again, the relationships I had were more based on my meeting other people’s needs and wants, so it really is no surprise that many relationships ended. Now, starting over at the bottom of the life and success scale, with hardly any material possessions or worldly success, the relationships I now develop are based on who I am as a person, rather than what I have accomplished or how perfectly I perform or meet someone’s wants and needs, because I have witnessed first hand what relationships based on performance result in … emptiness, sadness, and an unhealthy striving to be something that I am not … perfect.

Freed from the need to be perfect, I can now just be a unique human … me … exploring my and our world, changing my mind, trying new things, and encouraging myself when I make a mistake or fail ,so I don’t give up on what’s important to me because I don’t get it right the first, second, or twentieth time. It’s a welcome, long-awaited state of being I highly recommend for the bliss imperfection provides.

Written and shared by

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2020

July 20, 2020

 

“Love is Equality”

A simple truth from Taylor Swift during her live Paris concert, “Lover”

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KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2020

July 15, 2020

 

Break the Tradition … Not the Children

The fact people are still equally divided on whether a child is acceptable or note, plus the slow-shifting idea that maybe getting smacked was not a good experience is an opportunity to clarify the impact of physical punishment.

To strike means to give a blow to, to hit, to cause to come into forceful contact, to attack. To spank means to strike something with an open hand, especially on the buttocks, as punishment. Violence is physical force so as to injure or damage, is intense powerful force, unjust or callous use of force or power, a violent deed or act. Coles Concise English Dictionary, 1979)

Yes, many people have been spanked because it is a tradition, But also, many people have also received strikes that went well beyond spanking, including slaps across the face, smacks with belts, straps, rulers, yardsticks, whatever was handy for beatings that even resulted in death. Remember, people often take out their frustration and anger on those they “love.”

The problem is not the child or a child’s behaviour. The problem is with with parents, caregivers, and society to refuse to move past a tradition because it is a tradition.

On one hand, I do not understand why people, who take on the tremendous responsibility of raising a child and transforming them into an adult, would not want to take the time to learn from the present knowledge instead of repeating the past. If one was an employed caregiver, we certainly expect them to receive the same knowledge through training and to act accordingly.

On the other hand, my years of research, built on the research of other experts, including Alice Miller, the forerunner who studied how Hitler and others were shaped into the adults they became, revealed our dominant, often unconscious belief people have to earn respect to be considerable valuable.

When it comes to our stuff, if we value it, we treat it with care. How much depends on our own “Respect Level,” which was shaped by our own experiences. How we treat others and children reveals the same.

Even horse training advanced beyond tradition. “Breaking” horses is now considered cruel and unnecessary since “gentling” a horse results, not only in a quicker response, but in a response based on bonding fostering willingness versus fear fostering rebellion.

The final piece of the puzzle is recognizing our differences. One psychological tool, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), reveals there are sixteen personality types, yet we need to consider all the other influencing factors, such as, culture, religion, social status, etc. affecting a family. Considering these and many other factors, we really do not know how physical punishment is going to affect a child.

The truth is striking a child is no longer the smart, compassionate, or respectful thing to do … raising awareness and choosing alternatives is. Let’s break the tradition no longer serving us. Let’s not take the chance and break … then have to repair the children, teens, and adults … physical punishment creates.

Kaitlin A. Trepanier

By permission, this originally published “Letter to the Editor” in the South Bruce Weekender, January 21, 2016, is being published today by the original author to share the contents with a global versus small community audience.

Shared by

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019

June 30, 2020

 

 

 

 

From Gentle Souls to Monsters

History and science teach us that unacknowledged, unprocessed pain can transform even the gentlest of souls into monsters of all kinds, so we need a more enlightened and aware approach to how we treat each other … especially those closest to us … because love should not hurt, makes us feel bad about ourselves, etc. and if it does, it is likely not love we are acting on, but something else.

Shared by

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019

June 28, 2020

 

 

“If You’re So Smart, Why Aren’t You Rich?”

Linked article by Flay Flam for Bloomberg

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/if-you-re-so-smart-why-aren-t-you-rich?utm_source=pocket-newtab

Insightful, but there is one dot not connected … the “Respect Level” they are raised in and with.

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019

June 22, 2020

 

“An Overview of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator”

By Kendra Cherry for Very Well Mind

https://www.verywellmind.com/the-myers-briggs-type-indicator-2795583?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=shareurlbuttons&fbclid=IwAR1chNXdNLmwdSNN618-_oUccerNt42WHnYjpqnpAoi0teCXC8GhkJJTQSY

Shared by

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019

June 19, 2020

 

How Long Would It Take You … ?

With no interest in naming names or laying blame, but in changing the culture that permits disrespecting … devaluing … exploiting people for their own gain, with the intent to harm, or just through carelessness, and as part of the final stage of my healing, here is my question for you …
How long would it take you to get over the following experiences?
Smacks on head, yardstick broken over your head by a teacher, a teacher kicking your desk and your sliding to the floor, bullying, sexual abuse, sexual assault, rape, domestic violence, and resulting fugue states (loss of memory to block out traumas).
Plus, other head injuries also due to accidents caused by other people including being popped of the back of a motorcycle, t-boned in a car and on a bicycle, and the list goes on.
Also complicating matters is being an unusual personality type (within only 6-8% of the American population) and therefore considered wrong for being different from the majority, making me an easy target, made even worse because of my impaired social skills and emotional intelligence due to the harmful experiences from childhood through adulthood..
Often told I have so much potential, which revealed itself at times, including being an A student, I could not realize that potential until my emotional intelligence equalled my intellectual intelligence, which it finally has by my not giving up, by my connecting the dots to clearly see what was in my way and by the grace of God that empowered me to live through what I have, to heal completely, and to help other people do the same … and to change the culture allowing and even fostering heinous acts by breaking the cycles of victimization.
And finally, I can acknowledge, as hard as my life has been because of what I endured, I am one of the lucky ones … driven to understand and capable of doing so … but what about the many who are not and instead stay on the dark path that ultimately takes their life?
Which is why I do what I do … because everyone matters.

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019

May 15, 2020