Break the Tradition … Not the Children

The fact people are still equally divided on whether a child is acceptable or note, plus the slow-shifting idea that maybe getting smacked was not a good experience is an opportunity to clarify the impact of physical punishment.

To strike means to give a blow to, to hit, to cause to come into forceful contact, to attack. To spank means to strike something with an open hand, especially on the buttocks, as punishment. Violence is physical force so as to injure or damage, is intense powerful force, unjust or callous use of force or power, a violent deed or act. Coles Concise English Dictionary, 1979)

Yes, many people have been spanked because it is a tradition, But also, many people have also received strikes that went well beyond spanking, including slaps across the face, smacks with belts, straps, rulers, yardsticks, whatever was handy for beatings that even resulted in death. Remember, people often take out their frustration and anger on those they “love.”

The problem is not the child or a child’s behaviour. The problem is with with parents, caregivers, and society to refuse to move past a tradition because it is a tradition.

On one hand, I do not understand why people, who take on the tremendous responsibility of raising a child and transforming them into an adult, would not want to take the time to learn from the present knowledge instead of repeating the past. If one was an employed caregiver, we certainly expect them to receive the same knowledge through training and to act accordingly.

On the other hand, my years of research, built on the research of other experts, including Alice Miller, the forerunner who studied how Hitler and others were shaped into the adults they became, revealed our dominant, often unconscious belief people have to earn respect to be considerable valuable.

When it comes to our stuff, if we value it, we treat it with care. How much depends on our own “Respect Level,” which was shaped by our own experiences. How we treat others and children reveals the same.

Even horse training advanced beyond tradition. “Breaking” horses is now considered cruel and unnecessary since “gentling” a horse results, not only in a quicker response, but in a response based on bonding fostering willingness versus fear fostering rebellion.

The final piece of the puzzle is recognizing our differences. One psychological tool, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), reveals there are sixteen personality types, yet we need to consider all the other influencing factors, such as, culture, religion, social status, etc. affecting a family. Considering these and many other factors, we really do not know how physical punishment is going to affect a child.

The truth is striking a child is no longer the smart, compassionate, or respectful thing to do … raising awareness and choosing alternatives is. Let’s break the tradition no longer serving us. Let’s not take the chance and break … then have to repair the children, teens, and adults … physical punishment creates.

Kaitlin A. Trepanier

By permission, this originally published “Letter to the Editor” in the South Bruce Weekender, January 21, 2016, is being published today by the original author to share the contents with a global versus small community audience.

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KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019

June 30, 2020

 

 

 

 

From Gentle Souls to Monsters

History and science teach us that unacknowledged, unprocessed pain can transform even the gentlest of souls into monsters of all kinds, so we need a more enlightened and aware approach to how we treat each other … especially those closest to us … because love should not hurt, makes us feel bad about ourselves, etc. and if it does, it is likely not love we are acting on, but something else.

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KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019

June 28, 2020

 

 

“If You’re So Smart, Why Aren’t You Rich?”

Linked article by Flay Flam for Bloomberg

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/if-you-re-so-smart-why-aren-t-you-rich?utm_source=pocket-newtab

Insightful, but there is one dot not connected … the “Respect Level” they are raised in and with.

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019

June 22, 2020

 

“An Overview of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator”

By Kendra Cherry for Very Well Mind

https://www.verywellmind.com/the-myers-briggs-type-indicator-2795583?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=shareurlbuttons&fbclid=IwAR1chNXdNLmwdSNN618-_oUccerNt42WHnYjpqnpAoi0teCXC8GhkJJTQSY

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KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019

June 19, 2020

 

How Long Would It Take You … ?

With no interest in naming names or laying blame, but in changing the culture that permits disrespecting … devaluing … exploiting people for their own gain, with the intent to harm, or just through carelessness, and as part of the final stage of my healing, here is my question for you …
How long would it take you to get over the following experiences?
Smacks on head, yardstick broken over your head by a teacher, a teacher kicking your desk and your sliding to the floor, bullying, sexual abuse, sexual assault, rape, domestic violence, and resulting fugue states (loss of memory to block out traumas).
Plus, other head injuries also due to accidents caused by other people including being popped of the back of a motorcycle, t-boned in a car and on a bicycle, and the list goes on.
Also complicating matters is being an unusual personality type (within only 6-8% of the American population) and therefore considered wrong for being different from the majority, making me an easy target, made even worse because of my impaired social skills and emotional intelligence due to the harmful experiences from childhood through adulthood..
Often told I have so much potential, which revealed itself at times, including being an A student, I could not realize that potential until my emotional intelligence equalled my intellectual intelligence, which it finally has by my not giving up, by my connecting the dots to clearly see what was in my way and by the grace of God that empowered me to live through what I have, to heal completely, and to help other people do the same … and to change the culture allowing and even fostering heinous acts by breaking the cycles of victimization.
And finally, I can acknowledge, as hard as my life has been because of what I endured, I am one of the lucky ones … driven to understand and capable of doing so … but what about the many who are not and instead stay on the dark path that ultimately takes their life?
Which is why I do what I do … because everyone matters.

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019

May 15, 2020

The Whole Truth Behind “Wives Obey Your Husbands”

Many religions and people extract Biblical excerpts for their own motives and purposes. One of the ones often quoted, partially, is this one:

“Wives, be subject to your husbands, (subordinate and adapt yourself to them) as is right and fitting and your proper duty to the Lord.” Colossians 3:18

But what many people, men mostly, do is omit or disregard is the following Colossians 3:19-22:

“Husbands, love your wives (be affectionate and sympathetic with them) and do not be harsh or bitter or resentful towards them.”

“Children, obey your parents in everything, for this is pleasing to the Lord.”

“Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or fret your children (do not be hard on them or harass them), lest they become discouraged and sullen and morose and feel inferior and frustrated. (Do not break their spirit.)

Servants, obey in everything, those who are your earthly masters, not only when their eyes are on you as pleasers of men, but in simplicity of purpose (with all your heart) because of your reverence for the Lord and as a sincere expression of your devotion to Him.

I agree with Joyce Meyer’s sentiments, “If everyone would obey these instructions, think of the peace and joy that would fill each of our homes. There would be no divorce.” quoted from The Confident Woman by Joyce Meyer (pages 60:61)

What about you?

And hey, check what follows after Colossians 3:22 … Colossians 3:23, 24 because it is even more important to women so we do not give up our personal lives for a husband … because though a man is to be head of the household, he is not head of a woman’s life  … God is.

“Whatever may be your task, work at it heartily (from the soul) as (something done) for the Lord and not for men.

Knowing (with all certainty) that it is from the Lord (and not from men) that you will receive the inheritance which is your (real) reward. (The One Whom) you are actually serving (is) the Lord Christ (the Messiah).

Isn’t this something to know and use if someone tries to control our life?

Joyce wraps it up beautifully with “Notice too there is no mention at all of one member, only doing what is right if the others do. No, each member is responsible for their part. Each of us will stand before God and give an account of our lives. (Romans 14:12) We will not be asked about another person, but only ourselves. Each of us should strive to do the right thing even if we are the only one willing to do so. This greatly honors God and will be rewarded in due time.”

Just one more reason to go to the source and get the whole truth for yourself.

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist Writer Speaker Social Entrepreneur Founder and President

of Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2020

April 18, 2020

 

 

 

 

“As A Child Advocate, I Beg You to Consider This …”

For all parents and caregivers of children, not following the required COVID-19 protocols puts your children at risk … and makes you accountable for neglect, endangerment, and abuse. And even if children protection services are not involved because of the current circumstances, if your child becomes ill or even dies, you will have to live with the consequences, so please temper your wants with the blessing and responsibility of raising a human life.

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist Writer Speaker Social Entrepreneur Founder and President

of Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2020

April 8, 2020

Scapegoating Defined

Scapegoating happens all around us … in families, in communities, in schools, at work, in politics so it is important to understand the phenomenon, its dysfunction, its impact, and and how to deal with it and the people scapegoating hurts and those who scapegoat in a healthy, respectful manner.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scapegoating

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KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist Writer Speaker Social Entrepreneur Founder and President

of Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2020

March 16, 2020

 

 

 

 

Since children/youth do as they see being done versus what they are told, what is the real lesson striking teachers are teaching students?

Perhaps that adults have to resort to a mediator because they cannot work things out for themselves … so perhaps taking adults advice is worth reconsidering?

Most of us know unions came into existence, in large part, due to employers exploiting and abusing employees.

Would we not solve a majority of problems and save a lot of money if employers respected their employees by paying fair wages and treating each and every one as valuable. And wouldn’t most employees treated as such be hesitant to exploit or abuse their employers?

Perhaps that is the lesson children and youth should be learning … not that their education is a bargaining tool for adults rather than their education.

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist Writer Speaker Social Entrepreneur Founder and President

of Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2020

February 12, 2020

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not

Covenant House

“Covenant House is the largest privately funded agency in the Americas providing shelter, food, immediate crisis care, and an array of other services to homeless and runaway youth. Wikipedia

https://g.co/kgs/4MxXsp

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KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist Writer Speaker Social Entrepreneur Founder and President

of Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2020

February 29, 2020