Surrendering

Once upon a time, a very kind man went out of his way to help me.

He later asked why a woman would refuse his help and my flip response was that she probably needed to learn how to do things for herself. Of course, I was probably talking about myself because by the time we met when I was in my early forties, I had never really lived on my own.

However, my heart was conflicted..

I loved him as I had never loved another, but I was afraid: afraid he would be like others who wanted me to be who and what they wanted me to be rather than who I was just beginning to discover I was, and perhaps could be.

Devastated, but determined, I walked, well, I ran away as I learned to do at an early age.

Living far away from family and friends, I was solely on my own for the first time. Over the next years, I secured a number of different jobs and returned to school several times, plus discovered I had a variety of previously unrecognized natural talents.

What I lacked for years though was the healing I needed to make the much-needed changes in my life, including better money-management skills. For the longest time I did not connect the dots that my low “Respect Level” was supported by a debilitating pride. On a very deep level, I rationalized I had managed other people’s money successfully for years, so I should be able to manage my own, but for the longest time I could not see how I was hurting myself with my limiting, false beliefs.

Not until I recognized my role in the unhealthy relationships I kept developing, including with money, did things finally change, though not overnight.

My dark night of the soul had happened years ago. My pain was so overwhelming I cried out to God, whom I had rejected years ago because I thought he had abandoned me based on what I had gone through and how he had let bad things happen to me. No big change happened. In fact, I went through many periods of mild success and calm times, before another challenge thrust me out into the world searching for a new job and a new home. I finally settled on sharing a city apartment with a very psychologically-broken man because I was weary of the places I had had to live because my income did not provide enough to have my own apartment.

The cost was higher than I expected as I continue to explore the world and different ways people lived and worked. Sharing a living space with someone just as, or even more broken than I was emotionally, meant I took the brunt of his pain in his outbursts. And even as new girlfriends and left, I was relieved when one showed up and started moving her things into our small apartment. My decision to move out was made simple when in one of his rages he threw something and almost hit my little cat Missy. Living out the last two months in the apartment was to say the least, tense.

What little self worth was all but shattered, yet the move back to Kincardine to be there for my dad kept me busy and preoccupied. However, after his death, I took many more emotional and psychological hits and some days it took all I had to get up.

Once I had been excited about the work I knew I was to do. I registered the company, wrote books, and attracted people who wanted to be a part, well, actually wanted to exploit what I had created. Forced by circumstances to live in other people’s homes, I was learning not to lean on people, but on God to keep my cats and I provided for and safe.

But when the day came that I had to leave the last person’s home, plus did not have the means to go somewhere or a somewhere I could pay for, you could say my prayers were a little more urgent. And what happened next finally made me realize and accept that God had me covered.

Not that I could acknowledge the idea totally right away after having to move into a women’s shelter that  just happened to have a pilot project allowing woman in need to bring their animals with them and just happened to have an available room, which I soon discovered is not common either.

Still not having the means to rent a market value apartment, even a studio one, I posted my need on Facebook and weeks later found myself living in a room above a relative’s garage. Still not having the means to pay the agreed upon rent, I was provided the opportunity to cook for the relative’s family until I could pay the little rent they decided to charge me, which thankfully has arrived.

None of this has been easy, but it has been life-changing. I am no longer the stressed-out, non-confident, fearful woman I had become. Neither too, am I a woman defined by other people, but finally by myself … and God.

Surrendering to God has not been easy, mostly because I did not know enough about Him or trust Him, though I do know a lot more about Him and do trust Him now. So much so, that I am no longer even fearful of people, even of the one I love like I have not loved another.

In fact, surrendering to God is the best thing I have done because I know the purpose I am to fulfill comes from Him and that purpose is deeply rooted in my whole being and all that I do.

Surrendering to a man, allowing him to lead our marriage and home life is no longer terrifying either because first and foremost I trust God with my life and the life, and husband, He has chosen for me.

What a difference surrendering means when you discover that surrendering to the most powerful, loving being means placing your life, your trust, in someone who loves you unconditionally and only has your best interests at heart.

 

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist Writer Speaker Social Entrepreneur Founder and President

of Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2020

February 12, 2020

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reclaiming Confidence

All I have been through shattered the confidence I had built up, but thankfully my confidence, as with many aspects of myself that were badly broken, is being restored, even beyond what I knew before, empowering me to move forward with my purpose, including living the life I have known in my heart was mine to live.

Particularly helpful now is Joyce Meyer’s book, The Confident Woman, with the reminder that a “A person without confidence is like an airplane sitting on a runway with empty fuel tanks,” and I know that feeling all too well, especially this past year.

Thankfully, Joyce fills up our tanks with the wisdom gained from her own experience, “Confidence allows us to face life with boldness, openness, and honesty. It enables us to live without worry and to feel safe. It enables us to live authentically … we are secure in who we are … even if we are different from those around us.”

Yet she also reminds us, “So, if I say I am confident, which I frequently do, I don’t mean that I am confident in myself or my abilities, I mean that I am confident in my leader, God, and the gifts talents, and knowledge He has placed in me. (Check out John 15.5)

So personally I tell myself now that regardless of what I have gone through as a result of other people’s and my choices, I am not the result. I am malleable; an ongoing work-in-process with a passion for helping others, a deep-seated curiosity compelling me to learn continuously, and a highly intelligent, innovative, and creative mind that served organizations well before and can now serve my life’s purpose of helping other people to feel valued and realize more of their unique potential too.

And, of course, as wonderful it is to have relationships with people, what has been the best thing to learn is how to establish a personal relationship with God, who is now my first goto and always my last too as I step back into the world reclaiming what is mine … boldly confident, open, and honest, knowing that whatever comes I am ready and have the best backup available to everyone.

 

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist Writer Speaker Social Entrepreneur Founder and President

of Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2020

February 10, 2020

 

 

 

 

 

What Is Going On In The World Is Everybody’s Business

The world’s problems may feel overwhelming as can our thoughts about how we may not believe what we can do will make a difference. But just like those who give no thought or care to what they do to cause harm, through indifference or anger or hate, we can counter their harm by doing good.

And in fact we must for many reasons.

One, for survival.

You have probably heard the story about the scorpion and the frog.  Paraphrased here, the scorpion comes to the edge of a body of water and says, “Hey frog, give me a ride to the other side.” The frog laughs and replies, “No way! You will sting me and we will both drown.” Now the scorpion, being the charmer he is, replies, “No I won’t because I don’t want to drown!” Wanting to believe because he’s a good guy, the frog slides close to the scorpion so the scorpion can climb on his back and says, “All right. Hop on.” When the frog finally hits his stride in the water, suddenly he feels the scorpion’s sting and he yells, “Aah! You said you wouldn’t sting me!” Sadly, knowing they are both going to die, the scorpion sighs and replies, “I know. But it’s my nature” as they both slip below the water’s surface forever.

Thankfully we are not scorpions. As human beings, we have the power to change our beliefs, our thoughts, words, and actions.

Not doing our part to steward the earth responsibly contributes to our and the future generations demise. Our contributions to buying less, using less, especially plastic, re-purposing as well as re-cycling, buying from responsible companies and countries are just some of the positive contributions we make to our environmental world that supports our existence.

Not doing our part to change how we treat each other also contributes to most of the societal and economic problems that could be solved individually and collectively. Instead of ostracizing those struggling in our families, communities, nations, and globally, pulling them into the circle, not by force or manipulation, but by acceptance, seeking to understand, and aiding diminishes the need for government intervention and extra taxes because citizens are addressing needs at the grass roots level rather than the need for taxes beyond infrastructure needs.

Not doing our part to keep learning to enlarge our understanding about our differences, inhibits our willingness to accept people’s differences and therefore our compassion, instead forcing people to conform to the point that we foster mental and physical illnesses, plus addictions and even crime that further send people off balance and add more strain to our social structure, including increasing violence.

Not doing our part to live and let live, breeds the prejudice and hate that fuels everything from bullying to sexual abuse/assault, from caregiver abuse to domestic violence, from employee abuse to employer abuse, from leadership tyranny to financial abuse, from local violence and crime to terrorism and wars.

Not doing our part to help each individual discover and develop their unique blend of talents and potential in the end is comparable to the scorpion stinging and killing the frog because we poison, destroy, and even contribute to, or even kill the unique value each person, each life’s potential could add to the quality of our own lives.

For these reasons and more, we do not need to feel overwhelmed by the state of the world nor do we have to write off that what we could do as unimportant because the point is everyone matters as does what we choose to do, personally and together.

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist Writer Speaker Social Entrepreneur Founder and President

of Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2020

January 2, 2020

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Current Work/Book-In-Process, “Carpenter’s Daughter”

Carpenter's Daughter

Currently the book/work-in-process, the personal story that inspired the concept of transforming respect from a discretionary value to a global principle.

 

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Writer, Founder and President of Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019 

November 19, 2019

 

 

 

“The Secret to Great Opportunities? The Person You Haven’t Met Yet”

 

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KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Writer, Founder and President of Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019 

November 4, 2019

“I’m 72. So What?”

“And now, paradoxically, I feel younger, more vibrant and in better shape physically and emotionally than I did at 60, or even at 50. So is that all a question of perspective?”
Linked article by Catherine Texier for Longreads
Personally, the last few New Year’s Eves I observed and then met a tiny woman well into her nineties who joyously danced the whole night away and my perspective of aging changed. My wish, hope, and prayer is that if I am still here, thirty years from now, I too will pass on the torch of inspiration she did gracefully dancing yet another New Year’s Eve away 😍
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KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Writer, Founder and President of Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019 

October 26, 2019

“Why We Should Learn to Embrace Failure”

“No plan survives first contact with the enemy,” he writes. “What matters is how quickly the leader is able to adapt.”

Quote from Elizabeth Day’s article in The Guardian on Pocket Worthy

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/why-we-should-learn-to-embrace-failure?utm_source=pocket-newtab

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KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Writer, Founder and President of Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019 

October 25, 2019