Looking Behind the Narcissist’s Curtain

Much like the OZ wizard character in “The Wizard of Oz” movie, narcissists may appear more confident, capable, and powerful than what they really are.

“Overview. Narcissistic personality disorder — one of several types of personality disorders — is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.Nov 18, 2017”

“Narcissistic personality disorder – Symptoms and causes …
http://www.mayoclinic.org › symptoms-causes › syc-20366662”

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER
Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President
http://www.connectingthedotswiththerespectprinciple.com
© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019
September 1, 2020

“The Dangerous Downside of Perfection”

The linked article is filled with all the data you need to reconsider how you live or are influencing others to live. There are personal stories too, including mine shared below the link. Happy reading!

Linked article by Amanda Ruggeri for BBC Future on PocketWorthy

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/the-dangerous-downsides-of-perfectionism?utm_source=pocket-newtab

My Personal Experience with Perfectionism

Because of my unusual personality type, I did not “fit in” unless I was doing everything “perfect” or above average, but the cost was high, especially in the long run. When I finally raised my “Respect Level” high enough, valuing myself equally to others, I quit obsessing with perfect and started focusing on discovering who I was under the perfect image that was killing me with its unreasonable, unrealistic, and painful consequences.

Though my physical and mental health has since improved, a cost was also paid for with the loss of many relationships, but then again, the relationships I had were more based on my meeting other people’s needs and wants, so it really is no surprise that many relationships ended. Now, starting over at the bottom of the life and success scale, with hardly any material possessions or worldly success, the relationships I now develop are based on who I am as a person, rather than what I have accomplished or how perfectly I perform or meet someone’s wants and needs, because I have witnessed first hand what relationships based on performance result in … emptiness, sadness, and an unhealthy striving to be something that I am not … perfect.

Freed from the need to be perfect, I can now just be a unique human … me … exploring my and our world, changing my mind, trying new things, and encouraging myself when I make a mistake or fail ,so I don’t give up on what’s important to me because I don’t get it right the first, second, or twentieth time. It’s a welcome, long-awaited state of being I highly recommend for the bliss imperfection provides.

Written and shared by

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2020

July 20, 2020

 

“Love is Equality”

A simple truth from Taylor Swift during her live Paris concert, “Lover”

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KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2020

July 15, 2020

 

Worried About the Economic Impact of the Coronavirus Pandemic?

What every person chooses to do is, as has been said, “A part of the problem or the solution.”

Most of us will never know all the truth about the COVID-19 Pandemic.

Scientists are working to discover how to combat the virus, the spread of the virus, and ultimately the prevention of the virus, yet science takes time, takes trial and error, takes money, takes energy, and a whole lot of patience.

Most of us are not scientists, but patients waiting to be immunized, so our key role is not only being a patient, but a “patient” patient, following the guidance of the health professionals to protect not just ourselves, but also everyone else.

Will some people exploit the pandemic and us? No doubt. But that fact does not mean we should be concerned so much about being exploited as much as we should be concerned about our and everyone’s health … because if we get sick and or die, being exploited will be the least of our concerns … including the financial impact.

And if we want to minimize the pandemic’s financial impact on us, then it comes back to our doing our part to be a part of the solution rather than add to the problem.

It’s our choice. We can be selfish, thinking only of our wants, or we can be selfless, thinking not just of ourselves, but about everyone else … the world we share.

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KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2020

July 13, 2020

 

Break the Tradition … Not the Children

The fact people are still equally divided on whether a child is acceptable or note, plus the slow-shifting idea that maybe getting smacked was not a good experience is an opportunity to clarify the impact of physical punishment.

To strike means to give a blow to, to hit, to cause to come into forceful contact, to attack. To spank means to strike something with an open hand, especially on the buttocks, as punishment. Violence is physical force so as to injure or damage, is intense powerful force, unjust or callous use of force or power, a violent deed or act. Coles Concise English Dictionary, 1979)

Yes, many people have been spanked because it is a tradition, But also, many people have also received strikes that went well beyond spanking, including slaps across the face, smacks with belts, straps, rulers, yardsticks, whatever was handy for beatings that even resulted in death. Remember, people often take out their frustration and anger on those they “love.”

The problem is not the child or a child’s behaviour. The problem is with with parents, caregivers, and society to refuse to move past a tradition because it is a tradition.

On one hand, I do not understand why people, who take on the tremendous responsibility of raising a child and transforming them into an adult, would not want to take the time to learn from the present knowledge instead of repeating the past. If one was an employed caregiver, we certainly expect them to receive the same knowledge through training and to act accordingly.

On the other hand, my years of research, built on the research of other experts, including Alice Miller, the forerunner who studied how Hitler and others were shaped into the adults they became, revealed our dominant, often unconscious belief people have to earn respect to be considerable valuable.

When it comes to our stuff, if we value it, we treat it with care. How much depends on our own “Respect Level,” which was shaped by our own experiences. How we treat others and children reveals the same.

Even horse training advanced beyond tradition. “Breaking” horses is now considered cruel and unnecessary since “gentling” a horse results, not only in a quicker response, but in a response based on bonding fostering willingness versus fear fostering rebellion.

The final piece of the puzzle is recognizing our differences. One psychological tool, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), reveals there are sixteen personality types, yet we need to consider all the other influencing factors, such as, culture, religion, social status, etc. affecting a family. Considering these and many other factors, we really do not know how physical punishment is going to affect a child.

The truth is striking a child is no longer the smart, compassionate, or respectful thing to do … raising awareness and choosing alternatives is. Let’s break the tradition no longer serving us. Let’s not take the chance and break … then have to repair the children, teens, and adults … physical punishment creates.

Kaitlin A. Trepanier

By permission, this originally published “Letter to the Editor” in the South Bruce Weekender, January 21, 2016, is being published today by the original author to share the contents with a global versus small community audience.

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KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019

June 30, 2020

 

 

 

 

From Gentle Souls to Monsters

History and science teach us that unacknowledged, unprocessed pain can transform even the gentlest of souls into monsters of all kinds, so we need a more enlightened and aware approach to how we treat each other … especially those closest to us … because love should not hurt, makes us feel bad about ourselves, etc. and if it does, it is likely not love we are acting on, but something else.

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KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019

June 28, 2020

 

 

Though Forgiveness Can Be Quite Challenging …

Everyone makes mistakes.

Plus, sometimes we don’t understand someone else’s perspective,experiences, decisions,etc, and well, we are all just different humans trying to get along without having to give up our individuality so learning to forgive is a key component of loving.

And even though forgiveness can be quite challenging, the benefits are extremely rewarding, including freeing us from carrying the negative emotions colouring our relationship with ourselves and with others.

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KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019

June 20, 2020

“An Overview of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator”

By Kendra Cherry for Very Well Mind

https://www.verywellmind.com/the-myers-briggs-type-indicator-2795583?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=shareurlbuttons&fbclid=IwAR1chNXdNLmwdSNN618-_oUccerNt42WHnYjpqnpAoi0teCXC8GhkJJTQSY

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KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019

June 19, 2020

 

“Everyone Is Entitled …”

“Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts.”

Daniel Patrick Moynihan, sociologist and diplomat

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KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019

June 19, 2020

The Love Letter Never Sent

The Love Letter Never Sent

Dear Steve,
Words left unsaid or unwritten have a habit of preventing people from truly moving on. And over the years, people I told about you encouraged me to let go and move on, but I knew they did not really know what I needed to do to process the best and most positive experience and relationship I ever had in my life, so I am writing this letter filled with love for you because it will do one of two things … provide you with the understanding you perhaps need and want to forgive my mistakes and bad behaviour so we can start anew now … or if that does not happen, to provide me with the closure I need to move on and open my heart to the possibility of love with someone else, which has not been possible for me to without writing this letter … because automatically I compare everyone to you.
So here goes Steve …
In my case, what I could not say to you was not because it was not truth, but because of the multiple traumas I experienced, the unhealed wounds, and the absolute terror of loving one as deeply as I did and still do you. My previous experiences with love were conditional, manipulative, controlling, belittling, abusive, sometimes violent, and overall eventually hurtful. A lot of what I experienced was a result of ignorance. Most people I knew or met were more like the majority of people, of which I am not. It turns out that my personality type is very unusual and as a result, is often misunderstood, as is my learning and communication styles, and what people don’t identify with, understand, or like, they can easily disregard or worse.
When I met you, worked with you, and hung out with you over several years, I carefully observed how you treated others as well as me. Experiencing being treated thoughtfully, respectfully, and with unfamiliar tenderness, beyond my initial attraction to you, compelled me to fall deeper and deeper in love with you. Over time, I also realized what I felt was not just a physical attraction, but something more powerful than I ever experienced. I knew our souls were deeply connected because my spirit rejoiced whenever I saw you and/or spent time with you. And for several years, your actions reaffirmed you felt the same.
By the time we met, I had already begun a transformational personal journey to heal and reclaim my true identity and though others around me did not like the changes happening nor valued the real me, you did. You made me feel cherished for the first time since I was a child. I wanted to be near you because being near you felt so good. I wanted your eyes on me and I wanted to wear dresses for you because, unlike with other males, you were appreciative and respectful, rather than forward, lewd, and/or aggressive. You appreciated the whole me, not just my body and it was a wonderful experience.
I loved that I knew it was you walking through the warehouse door rather than someone else. I loved that you used that door more than the other door so you could see me too. I loved that seeing you made me smile inside and out and I loved that other people saw the same in you and even said so. I loved that the one slow dance we shared even though I don’t even recall the song that was playing. All I recall is how the world slipped away when you put your hands on me and glided us across the dance floor. And when you took my hand to walk me over to your table, the electric shock took my breath away and my heart ripped when your hand let go of mine.
There were complications in both our lives and for the first time in my life, I did not even act professional on the job at times. For the first time, my life-preserver, self control, went haywire. I was afraid to lose you, yet also afraid to love you. I did not think I could take one more hit as I was trying to climb out of a pit of despair and desperation I had slid into.
So, acting badly and leaving were the only things I could do to save myself. And even when I reached out, at the same I pulled back, sometimes, as you know, even lashing out with unkind angry words because of the depth of my pain, some caused by you, but mostly by other people before you or people who seemed to be jealous of how much I loved you.
I even tried to forget and erase everything about you, but try as I might, there you always are. I will be reminded of you when I see Gary Cooper, Kevin Costner, or Paul Walker on the screen, not just because of their blue eyes, but because of their character. I will see a Ferrari or Suzuki and I see you. And on and on it goes every day … still.
Healing has taken a long time because of the traumas and repitition of traumas I experienced, plus my burying most of the traumas inside rather than processing them that would heal and transform how I interact with the world. Some experts are even surprised that I have healed at all, which is one reason I returned to believing in God because He has healed me in ways I could not or in ways no one else had been successful at either.
So my dearest forever friend, the most sexiest beautiful man to me, and my belowed, I write this letter for both of us and am posting it publicly because I have developed healthy boundaries that respects your privacy rights, inhibiting me from mailing this letter to you personally. And though I know some people will not approve of my choice to publicly share my thoughts and feelings, it is my choice and my calling to share what might help others and to also reserve the right to keep private what I do not wish to share and the privacy of other people too.
What happens next is in your and God’s hands. I have done what I could by sharing in this letter what I believe might be helpful to you, and perhaps to others, so you can understand what I could not put into words before … at the beach or anywhere else … until now. My hope is you will call at least once more to share your heart and soul along with your truth … whatever it is. After that, I will look forward to seeing you again to see where it might take us or I will finally close that door of hope and trust God with the rest of all my life, including who is going to be there with me on the next phase of my life.
As for what’s been done, I know what it is like to have been hurt deeply, so I am truly sorry for the discomfort and pain I caused you and anyone else. I pray for great joy, peace, and love to fill your life as it increasingly fills mine. Whatever course our lives take, separate or together, please know my love for you will always burn warmly and brightly in my heart Steve because you were the one person who lit my way when I was stumbling in the dark. And in retrospect, I also know God used you to reach me to transform all the bad into good as He has, for which I will always be eternally grateful because each of you played key roles in saving and restoring my life so I wanted you to know that too. Thank you.
With love always,
Kaitlin
June 15, 2020

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019

June 15, 2020