To Whom It May Concern

My waking up to the realities of my life, including the ones I had buried and other realities people also refused to believe or denied resulted, not just in the end of a nineteen-year marriage, but my slide into a deep, debilitating depression.

The marriage ending was no surprise, in retrospect, because it was built on falseness, including my own. Falseness created by a woman-child who had been severely harmed in her younger years and, subconsciously, was looking for safety in the guise of what was considered normal.

But the truth must come out or we, all of us, pay the consequences for living not just an unauthentic life, but a life that needs to be supported by acceptable untruths to make other people allow us into the pack.

We may appear to fit into the pack we think we need to be a part of to the point we become chameleons, sadly adapting to the point we lose our identity.

In the mid 1990’s, I realized I had lost mine and became undone.

Facing long-buried memories my mind had protected me from resulted in a waking up that was actually exhilarating because finally things and my life were starting to make sense. And even though successful in many people’s eyes, deep down I knew I was living marginally compared to what I, and some other people, believed I was capable of doing.

In the process of reclaiming my true identity, talents, and skills, I did not change my life, but also the lives of people in my life. Many people were hurt or angry, or both, and most walked, even ran away, though appearances made it look as if I was running away. In truth, they had left me, though not physically, long before I had the courage to leave.

Then I met someone who treated me with respect, care, and acceptance beyond what I had ever known, But, broken as I had been before I married, the end of many relationships, including the long-term marriage, resulted from many people’s unwillingness to just let me explore what was revealed as important to me and to let me in my own time and in my own way.

Sadly, but understandably now, even he ran away because well, I was literally falling apart at the seams and no one I knew wanted to be around so I left … dropped out of the life I had known.

Trying to save face and keep myself afloat, I denied the deep depression grabbing at my ankles, trying to pull me into a dark abyss. Money became an issue when I was laid off, but since my head was fogged with bad daydreams and worse nightmares, plus pride, overcoming the shame to seek and ask for help was prevented and I found myself slipping further into the abyss.

With no money, bills piling up, credit maxed to the limit, no food, and a roof over my head would soon not be able to afford, my body and my spirit laid down for ten days, barely getting out of bed to go to the washroom and take a sip of water. Only when someone showed up and discovered my state did things start to change, though not for the better.

In a matter of weeks, I found myself living in a suburban home in a room, ashamedly paid for by welfare. In a month, an unexpected call from a retail art and framing gallery. Finally, I was climbing up rather than sliding down. And I was grateful for a job where I was left alone to do a job in a world I wanted to explore. Creditors were the only ones interested in me now and I could not bear the harsh, cruel worlds and threats, so, since I had no idea how or when things were going to turn around I bowed my head further and filed for bankruptcy, handing my much-loved motorcycle back to the bank.

When I had expressed interest in moving to the west coast, a finance professional suggested I make the move so I could get my life back on track, including clearing my debts without the abusive creditors’ pressure. But, still gripped tightly by depression and a profound loss of confidence, I did not see a way to make the move. And frankly, I did not want to move away from those I loved, even if they no longer loved me, because I was clinging to the hope they would come back for me, in order to keep me moving forward.

After all I have been through, credit was not something I wanted to get involved with again and for several years I avoided it. But, when I was compelled by circumstances to move back to the place where I used to and where my dad still lived to help him through his last years, I could not do it without credit because I was forced to quit work to be on call for him twenty four hours a day. There was no other other financial support available to me.

When the collection calls started to come this time, I referred to the letters I had sent all my creditors explaining that I would not file for bankruptcy, but at some point I would pay back all my debts to them personally, and eventually with interest. Collection companies though would not listen and I discovered through the wretched process yet another significant contributor to abuse and its impact on people already struggling … a humanitarian injustice I will work to change.

And as someone who is now dedicated fully now to transforming how people are treated, regardless of their differences, circumstances, etc., I have been applying for grants to reboot the social business venture I initially started in 2014, but was stalled by parental care needs and the fallout of that time period.

I was inspired to share this glimpse of my life with the supporters of my quest to transform respect from a discretionary value to a global principle, with those who just want the money that was not even theirs to begin with and any interested party.

In time, God’s timing I believe, my company will secure the grants needed to get off the ground, running, and thriving. And in time, the creditors who enabled me to be there with my dad during his last, very difficult years will receive the rewards, not just of the money returned with interest, but also with the valuable lesson that not all people are out to screw creditors and treating people respectfully provides the motivation people need to repay debts rather than write them off. Financial institutions, as well as businesses, are also accountable too for exploiting people, especially low income people who earn poverty wages businesses offer, pay high percentages of their income for rent and utilities, and are encouraged strongly by media to want what they cannot afford.

With the COVID-19 pandemic being the going concern and the buzz phrase, “We’re in this together” promoting the impact we have on each other, now is the time to really get it … that we are all connected and what one person, one group, one organization, and one nation do impacts us all, so how and what we choose to do makes us problem makers or problem solvers.

As someone finally wide-awake, I choose to be a problem solver and  fortunately, inherently I excel at problem solving because of the way I see things.

As for whom it may concern, know this … I now know, mistakes and all, I am just as valuable as anyone else and no one gets to treat me as anything less than one worthy of respect … simply for being a life.

Shared by

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist Writer Speaker Social Entrepreneur Founder and President

of Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2020

April 18, 2020

 

 

 

 

 

Depression … The FINANCIAL COST to Individuals and Health Care … Check Out this Hospital Bill Breakdown

Read this one woman’s story to discover what depression is doing to our world.

Then consider how different our world would be if every person felt valued … respected enough personally to discover, develop, and follow their unique path in life so they would feel good about themselves and their lives rather than feeling bad enough for suicidal thoughts to get into one’s head … and especially into one’s preventable actions.

https://www.upworthy.com/she-checked-herself-into-the-hospital-so-she-wouldn-t-kill-herself-it-cost-her-18-000?c=pop

Logical, practical, and compassionate … respect for one’s self and for others returns us back to love … and saves a lot of money too!

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Founder Social Entrepreneur Author Artist Speaker

www.connectingthedotswiththerespectprinciple.com

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2018

November 23, 2018

 

DEPRESSION RELIEF … No Money Required

Depression kills.

The obvious result of depression is suicide, but there are those who do not want to go out alone in the misery, so they commit violent acts, including murder and acts of terror before taking their own lives and/or having someone else take their lives.

But depression also kills in a more subtle manner that not only has long-lasting effects, but is costly in a couple of ways.

Depression takes hostages … can become a lifelong state of living.

Depressed people are not just sad … regardless of how good or bad their life may appear to others, depressed people often feel unfulfilled, dissatisfied, and empty. Contrarily, depressed people often feel resentful and angry, acting out their depression with constant judging, complaining, and sarcasm towards others and against themselves.

Depression can affect anybody and it does affect people from all walks of life because depression does not discriminate.

While appearing quite successful in my early thirties, with a heavy feeling of sadness, frustration, and surprise, I booked an appointment with a psychiatrist because that was the common course of action. Within minutes I was handed a prescription because the doctor said I was clinically depressed, meaning the depression had sunk into my body and my body would need help. Something in the pit of my stomach knew pills were not the answer, so after I walked out of his office door, I threw the prescription in the trash and never looked back.

The first person I headed for was my mother, who told me things about my past I had not remembered … surprising, even shocking things that were like pieces of a puzzle clicking into place, making things and me make more sense. I was elated.

But not everyone felt the same way. No one wanted to talk about what I needed to talk about. However, my employer offered an employee assistance program providing paid-for services to help their employees stay healthy in all ways and I needed someone to talk with me to help me understand my state of being and how to change it.

No quick fixes, but the time spent opened my mind, not only to my buried wounds, but also my buried dreams. Dreams about who I really wanted to be … who I really was underneath the weight of all I had become to look normal, happy, and successful based on people’s expectations.

The psychological experience, though daunting, often painful, and even shocking righted the course of my life, well, at least put me on the best path for me.

Not everyone was happy. In fact, I lost a lot of friends and family, but they liked who I had become not who I really was.  And frankly, they were also very confused as was I.

But I was happier than I had been.

I did not have all the answers and the journey to fully become the person I knew I could and wanted to be was a rough, rocky road, filled with many detours and pitfalls, but I was developing the ability to respect myself and do as I needed to do, rather than just what other people thought was best for me.

The science of psychology, rather than pharmaceuticals, served me well … until I hit the wall.

The wall was built out of emotions I was not yet equipped with to handle in a healthy way.

You may be familiar with the saying, “If I only knew then what I know now …” I am not sure of the source of the saying, but the truth I am sure has coursed through many minds as people discover the truth wisdom reveals.

Reaching beyond science, I turned to the metaphysical world of study looking for a more sound way to deal with the tumultuous sea life is for us all. Up and down round and round our emotions throw us. Shutting down and ignoring emotions, I knew from experience, was not the answer, but just another problem … as was the world and all the horrible things inflicted on people.

Meditation and quieting the mind did not work for this very active, creative, problem-solving mind, though I felt the benefits of yoga and my walking meditation. Still, as I grew more into me, I wanted something not yet defined.

Then it hit me when I saw a movie titled, “The Longest Spear.” I wanted what one of the lead women had as she stood vulnerable, yet filled with faith and love to bear whatever the consequences may be for being where she was and doing what she was doing. Terrified, she stood her ground peacefully and I watched with wonder and amazement as the true story unfolded.

I would like to tell you I achieved her level of peace that day, but I did not because I fought against what it was going to take me to acquire the peace she had and I hungered for. I fought for years. I fought with my logic and practicality. I fought with my rational mind. I fought with my religious scars.

But then I gave up the fight because I wanted peace more than anything else.

I wanted to be able to go to sleep at night without worry keeping me awake. I wanted to wake up in the morning and be able to embrace the day. I wanted to not be swung around by my emotions caught up in the whirlwinds and tornadoes of life, other people’s dramas, and what is going on in our world.

As someone driven to research and learn, going straight to the source I realized was the one avenue I had not yet pursued and it was time I did.

Reading the Bible is not easy, especially if we start with the Old Testament, which is all about the times before Jesus came. There was a lot of nasty stuff happening and the good it seemed not so visible. Discovery of what is called an amplified Bible (I bought Joyce Meyer’s Everyday Bible) finally made the Bible more accessible, helping me work with my wounds and angst about abuse and violence in a healthier way so I could read the Bible to soak up the good news.

The whole idea of the Bible is that it is a learning device to help us develop a personal relationship with God. And the only way the Bible tells us we can have a personal relationship with God is by going through Jesus.

You can believe in God and not believe in Jesus, but why would we choose not to believe in Jesus when believing in Jesus connects us directly with God and provides us with the peace we need to live in this world unafraid, worry-free, respectfully, and lovingly?

“Peace I leave with you,” Jesus said. The only price we have to pay is giving up our ego’s misguided idea we have to know and do everything for ourselves, plus the misguided idea life is just misery. When we discover and accept God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit is on our side we discover the joy and wonder of life.

What dies instead of us is depression’s hold on us … this I share with you as my truth with the hope you too will break free of depression’s hold upon you and live as you were meant to live … free to choose what rules us.

April 11, 2018

1244 words

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Human/Animal Rights Activist Social Scientist Founder Entrepreneur Author Artist

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

©All Rights Reserved 2015

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Inspiration … Phrases, Quotes, Statistics

Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE … because every child … every person … should know by their own experience … they are valued … RESPECTED.

“Violence causes more than 1.6 million deaths worldwide every year and is one of the leading causes of death in all parts of the world for persons 15 – 44.” www://cdc.gov 12/18/14

RESPECT transforms the quality of life.

“More than 1 billion children (1/7 of the world’s population) and half of all the children in the world are victims of violence every year.” www.//cdc.gov 12/18/14

CONNECT … with RESPECT! because RESPECT simply means “to value”

“In every country surveyed, more than 1 in 4 girls experienced sexual violence.” www.//cdc.gov 12/18/14

RESPECT is not something a child … teen … adult … senior … should have to earn.

“More than 3 million referrals received by state and local agencies each year. 6 referrals every minute for maltreatment of children … physically … sexually … emotionally … plus because of neglect. Total lifetime cost of child maltreatments is $124 billion per year.” www.//cdc.gov 12/18/14

Want a better world? … be a more “respect-full” person.

“Depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide and a major contributor to global burden of disease. 350 million affected. Can lead to suicide … suicides estimated to be 1 million per year.”
www://who.intl 12/18/14

December 18, 2014

KAITLIN A. TREPANIER
The RESPECT SPECIALIST … Freeing “Potential” with Education, Entertainment, and Inspiration!

CONNECT … with RESPECT! ORDER Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE … because every child … every person … should know, by their own experience, they are valued … RESPECTED. © All rights reserved 2014.

Mental Health … or Just Broken Hearts and Spirits?

Science has shown that depression, in time, actually manifests itself in people’s brains and bodies, affecting the chemicals in our brains that motivate or de-motivate us.

The “key” to consider I believe is the “in time” label.

First, let us remember that some people are born with the chemical imbalance that causes depression and its often disastrous side effects, particularly suicide.

But let’s also consider how people not born with the chemical brain imbalance become depressed.

In a world constantly affirming that no one is entitled to respect … to be valued … unless someone in authority says so … people becoming depressed is easy to understand.

When a child is taught by their experience, as the majority of children are based on the results generated from the beginning till now, that their “value’ is determined by others’ thoughts and expectations, such a child loses his or her identity in the process of pleasing others to gain their respect … to feel valued … and therefore safe, protected … but relying on others not only will disappoint children, but also in reality also has the potential to cause great harm and severe danger, including death by violence, suicide or murder.

The training tool employed by the Disrespect Philosophy unconsciously driving our world is the repetitive “breaking” of hearts and spirits. Some people call the effect depression; something wrong that becomes wrong or broken in people’s minds but both my own experience and my research indicate otherwise. Both indicate the precursor to the level of depression that creates havoc with a life has more to do with the repetitive damage done to a person’s heart and spirit … and if not healed, opens the path for depression to sink into the cells of one’s brain and body.

In other words, the real mental health challenge is not depression, but its root cause, disrespect.

For some people depression that has been inside one too long needs to be treated with medication as well as the personal work to discover the damage done to one’s heart and spirit and to heal so one can move forward; however, what I found the most helpful was the discovery of where and when, the personal journey to heal … that increased my RESPECT LEVEL to a high enough level …. so I could reclaim my identity … and then to a higher RESPECT LEVEL that resulted in my reconnecting with my spirituality … all of which finally resulted in my experiencing the peace nothing else generated in my fifty plus years, along with the confidence, courage and direction to finally move upward and forward.

Family and friends thought I lost “it” twenty years ago when I walked away from everything and everyone I knew. What no one seemed to understand or wanted to hear was I had not lost my mind, but instead my heart and spirit had lost the desire to use my mind … that is the difference between depression and a nervous breakdown from a brokenness deep in the core of one’s self.

Science is a great tool and methodology to help us understand ourselves and our world, but like all things and fields of study, science is only a part of the big picture. Labels are created to help us understand our differences and each other, but labelling in itself quickly becomes prejudicial in a world still driven by the unconscious belief we are only as valuable as we are labelled … worthy of respect, worthy of being valued or worthy of being rejected, abandoned, denied, reshaped, conformed … etc.

In light of this train of thought, perhaps we can re-consider the stigma attached to mental health for what it is too … yet another level of prejudice created by the Disrespect Philosophy’s premise … no one is valuable unless someone in authority … decides someone is worthy.

The question begged then is the Disrespect Philosophy and its fallout problems of broken hearts, broken spirits and eventually the mental health problems, including depression what we want to serve as our legacy?

February 21, 2014

Kaitlin A. Trepanier
http://www.kaitlinatrepanier.com

All Rights Reserved by DARK HORSES PRODUCTIONS/KAITLIN A. TREPANIER, Getting YOU the RESPECT YOU Want … Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE Author, Writer, Playwright, Poet, Lyricist, Artist, Advocate, Speaker, Researcher, Analyst, Developer, Project Specialist, Creative Director, Founder … because every child … every person … should know, by their own experience, they are valued … RESPECTED.