How To Lose A Good Credit Rating, Even Go Bankrupt … Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Divorce, Unrequited Love, Parental Care, Poverty Wages … A PERSONAL STORY and SHARED NYT ARTICLE

The attached New York Times articles packs a punch of information for us to comprehend  why many older Americans (and Canadians) are filing for bankruptcy and what we can do to prevent it for ourselves.

But there are a few other precursor reasons not mentioned in the article.

For me, they include other key influencing factors. such as the post traumatic stress I experienced in my thirties. Until then, I had mostly been able to suppress the memories and their related emotions, but they finally pushed their way to the surface in my life with such force I had to seek help.

With the means, an employee benefit, to work with a psychologist to help me process and with the consequences of the sexual abuse, abuse, bullying, and violence I experienced earlier in my life, great change resulted.

Not only did I begin the healing process from my experiences, with the bad memories came the good. I began rediscovering me … my unique talents, gifts, and dreams. Unfortunately, they did not fit in with my established relationships, including a marriage of over fifteen years. My then husband just wanted things … and me to stay the same. After all, between us we were pulling in over one hundred thousand dollars a year, co-owned with the bank a suburb home, drove two vehicles, ate out often, camped in Algonquin every summer, and did some international traveling.

I wanted to get out of debt by selling the house and moving into an apartment so I could explore different career paths as a writer.

It was not his fault. He thought what he was getting as a wife was the person I had become in order to be safe and accepted.

It really was not my fault either because I really did not know what else to do, until many years later. And to tell you the truth, it’s been a long, arduous journey of healing.

But back to the story …

I tried to go back to being what he wanted. Took a considerably less paying job that left me more free time to write. However, it’s funny/sad how things turn out. I met a co-worker who liked me as the poet, the writer, etc. For the first time I was being me and someone else thought I was cool.

Still teetering on the edge of healing, without planning, I bolted out of my marriage and secure home into an apartment. Within a few years, I had made a mess of things and was in an even worse state emotionally than I had ever been. Confidence and hope was gone. People were disappointed and angry with me. I was broke, had to sell my car, and eventually decided my only way out was bankruptcy.

Wrong.

But in the state I was in, I could not handle the hounding calls of people wanting the money I had used to make up for the low wages I was working for and I could not see myself going back to what I had been doing before.

I wanted to take a different path. I also needed to get away from the need of people’s approval. Of course, as wounded as I was, along the way, I made other bad choices in jobs I took and people I let into my life, but I was determined to make it on my own.

The good news I stayed out of debt, living on what I earned and/or bartered.

That is, until in 2011 I discovered my Dad needed me for the last few years of his life.

With both of us unprepared financially to deal with health and care challenges, I had to go into debt, around fifteen thousand dollars, to live in his town, be his driver, 24-hour on-call support that also resulted in my not being able to work, and having to move into my brother’s basement.

During the last few extremely stressful and painful years of his life, the hounding calls pummeled my stretched nerves as well as used up my cell phone time I needed to receive calls from Dad’s residences.

In March 2015, Dad finally stopped fighting and chose peace.

The toll on my health was extreme. Two years were needed to catch up on the rest I needed for my body and mind to be restored. The last year has been about resuming the work, Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle, I had started in 2014 before Dad’s life took a major turn for the worse.

Now, it’s time for me to move back into the mainstream of things. Move out of the friend’s place I have stayed the past two years by working for her to pay my keep. It is time to return to Toronto to live and work so I can pay my debts, rather than file for bankruptcy, plus to write and build my company when I am not working for others.

I can and will do this. I have always been able to do well at whatever I take on, but what I have had to learn most is to respect myself enough to look at all the options and make the best choices for me and those I impact.

No, I will not file for bankruptcy. Yes, my credit rating will be restored. And no, just because I was impoverished does not mean I did criminal acts. On the contrary, as my Respect Level has risen, I am proud of how strong, innovative, adaptable, and resilient I have become in getting my needs met … without any criminal or disrespectful acts. Yes, I am moving back to Toronto to earn above-poverty wages. Yes, I will work for someone else until my debts are paid, I am a successful writer and/or my own company is profitable enough to support me and my company’s goals.

The next step is up to the employer who sees me for all I am … one of the best employees you will ever have because I won’t accept a job just to work, but because I believe the job is the best fit for both of us … because I look forward to helping you too.

Respectfully,

Kaitlin

Kaitlin Ann Trepanier

CONNECTING THE DOTS WITH THE RESPECT PRINCIPLE

Founder Entrepreneur Author Artist and Speaker  

© All Rights Reserved 2018                           

NOTE: Kaitlin’s Smashwords interview and Ebooks available at www.smashwords.com

 August 15, 2018

 Link to article …

 

 

 

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Forced to Stay in a Relationship Because …

Getting into a relationship is easy because most of us want the dream of the relationship being “The” relationship of our lifetime … that will last a lifetime.

But unfortunately, desire for “The” relationship clouds our best judgment and what should have been “The” relationship results instead in yet another learning experience … one difficult to walk away from, especially if we have grown accustomed to a lifestyle the combined finances generated.

Separation is the acknowledgement change needs to happen, yet with a separation hope remains; however, with the receipt of the divorce papers, the finality sinks in, along with having to deal with the financial ramifications … the “who gets what” scenario many dread … even if we know the change really is the best decision.

But what if you were forced into a relationship you did not want to have? What if your country was overtaken by another? Another who used violence to take what belonged to you? And what if over time, you still desired your freedom, but did not want violence to be the catalyst of change? What if you desperately wanted out of a relationship you never wanted or asked for … even if over time you were treated decently? Would you still feel like a prisoner … a slave to another person’s desires versus yours?

If so, what would the answer be?

One person walking away from another, even with children involved, is one thing and challenging enough to emotions, minds, and finances … so what about a portion of country’s citizens who want a divorce but are denied because the majority rules? Even if that majority is only a small percentage higher than those who want the divorce?

If democracy is about freedom, does that freedom not apply to all people in a country? And if the country is built on the premise of freedom, then isn’t it the country’s responsibility to figure out the details of the country’s separation so eventually enough of the details will be resolved, by people with high enough Respect Levels, who know that keeping people from their freedom of choice and punishing them for their choice is counterproductive to their nation’s welfare, in order for both parties to go their own ways and build new lives … and nations with people who want to be where they are?

Twice divorced, once from a marriage less than a month after turning sixteen (not pregnant … just running from situations I did not know how to deal with effectively) and once from a marriage of nineteen years after my true self started to emerge, which replaced the chameleon I had become to try to be what people wanted to be accepted, liked and even loved, I know from experience of what I write.

What compelled me to leave both was my desire for freedom … but not freedom to be wild and unrestrained … but freedom to discover who I really was … and to be who I really was and to be with people who valued … respected me for me. The quest achieved many years later, freedom is a gift I longed for my whole life and now I know how to be me, I can once again consider marriage again because this time I will go into the marriage as me … and my husband will know at the beginning who I am and he will think I am cool and will not desire to change or restrain me by his beliefs … and nor will I him.

Inspired by the week’s events, I write this in the wake of Scotland’s referendum … 55% wanted to stay … 45% wanted out of a relationship they never had a choice about. There was no victory because victory is not victory if it is about oppressing people. Instead the numbers reveal much work has yet to be done in raising Respect Levels in the nation, just like Canada has to with regards to its province of Quebec citizens, who desire their freedom also, and other countries too around the world who desire to be freed from the various kinds and levels of oppression.

Democracy has to grow with the awareness that keeping people prisoners, no matter how kindly, is still preventing freedom. And countries filled with discontent, need to work on the plans of how to fairly split the nation and resources. Not a quick fix, but a process that will in time, free those held prisoner, even if only in their hearts and minds, yet will also free the oppressors from roles and responsibilities that have become unnecessary and obsolete, plus foster discord and strife.

Of course, as with any divorce, especially when children are involved, people have to learn to accept change is inevitable and what has come to pass is often not about them, but about everybody … and everyone has to work together to create something new out of something old … being hurt, resentful, angry, and even vengeful will only make the pain worse, plus will cloud judgment on how to best move forward for all people’s sake.

Living is all about change. Change will happen regardless of how much we fight to keep things the same and history proves the more we try to keep people imprisoned, in any way, at some point they will more than just disagree … they will fight for what they believe is right … their freedom to choose. A higher level Respect Level world will recognize this natural progression and will develop ways to adapt to the pressing changes … including shifting borders and signing divorce papers of a once unified nation.

September 20, 2014

Kaitlin Ann Trepanier
The RESPECT SPECIALIST

Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE
author and altruistic entrepreneur … because every child … every person … should know, by their own experience, they are valued … RESPECTED. ©