A Shared Perspective … “How Not to Care When People Don’t Like You”

Article by Rebecca Fishbein for Lifehacker on Pocket February 6, 2019


Article shared by …

When we realize not everyone has to like us for us to be okay, we are freed to be the unique person we are. We are also empowered to develop healthy relationships with people who do like us, encourage us, support us, and overall, accept us for who we are … and vice versa.


Advocate Educator Writer Social Entrepreneur & Founder

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019 

February 8, 2019



DEALING WITH Criticism, Judgment, and Condemnation

Putting down others is a cultural past time. In fact, sometimes it looks as though criticizing, judging, and condemning others is a recreational sport of sorts.

Ashamedly I confess, I played the condemnation game for a long time. I was quick to point out what was wrong with others and still have to check myself from engaging in the game.

Admittedly, I discovered I played the game because I was taught by experience. I was taught by the experience of others criticizing, judging, and condemning me for my differences, so I got in on the game.

I got so good that before most people could even begin an assault, I had already won and walked away.

Makes for a lonely existence, especially if you don’t want to be surrounded by people playing the same game.

In other words, I had to stop playing the cruel game born of insecurity and fear.

The bad habit was like breaking any addiction. First there was denial. Then justification and rationalization. Some temper tantrums fueled by a lot of anger … at others for the deception and cruelty and at myself for going along with what I knew was wrong … because I knew how it felt to be on the receiving end.

But until I got the help I needed, which for me was research and study, I kept going in circles without much success in dealing with people dishing out and also no longer participating.

Along the way, I discovered who I really was and what I wanted to do.

And wow, though I previously thought I had experienced quite a bit of the three with my non-average personality type made much more complicated by some very traumatic experiences, I really was not prepared for the onslaught being an original would attract.

Even more surprised I was when I started sharing how developing a personal relationship with God through studying the Bible (an amplified version has made it more user-friendly) gave me the courage I needed to keep forging ahead on my unique path.

Lots of psychology books helped me, but since my path of becoming the writer I was meant to be also included what I was experiencing spiritually, I had to turn to other people to stay on track rather than get derailed by those, for whatever their personal reasons are, choose not to believe in God and his desire to be actively engaged in our lives.

Joyce Meyer, an American televangelist reminded me in her book, Trusting God Day By Day, to “Quit Picking On Yourself.” She shares how Paul’s faithfulness (page 63) was questioned and his reaction. “I do not care what you think. I do not even judge myself,” because he knew if he got out of line for the purpose given him, God would correct him.

Not anyone else could correct him because he was working directly with God.

As I now am, so whatever others believe, say, or do no longer determines my reactions and destiny.

Of course, this also precludes me from criticizing, judging, and condemning other people too, so I have to self-monitor to keep old habits at bay.

Instead, I am to educate, inspire, and even entertain people to motivate them to stop wasting their valuable life time on things that is not theirs to do anything about and to encourage them to engage when it is theirs to do something about.

Not that does not mean we don’t step in when others are harming others. That we must do in whatever capacity we are called to do also.

One of the greatest rewards from no longer playing the criticizing, judging, and condemning game is the freed gift of time so I can pursue what is mine to pursue.

It’s a “live let live” mentality we all need to thrive … peacefully.

June 18, 2018


Human/Animal Rights Activist Social Scientist Founder Entrepreneur Author Artist

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

©All Rights Reserved 2014








Reclaiming All Talents … Time to Soar!

An ease and fascination with numbers has always been with me. Arithmetic was my best grade school subject, though writing was my favorite subject: one I had to work harder at, though the spelling of words came as easily as working with numbers.

As my grades and enthusiasm deteriorated from A’s to B’s, C’s and slipped to a D in grade nine, no one asked what was really wrong. The standard testing of the time revealed a mind contrary to what was happening with my marks and attendance and my ability with numbers motivated them to put me on a course for business and science. University-bound they said I should be, but I could not grasp why I had to learn stuff that was so far removed from what I needed at the time, and in fact, was making life worse for me, though I did not fully understand why till many years later.

When I left high school in the middle of grade ten, it was not simply to marry just after I turned sixteen, but to leave behind problems I did not know how to address in a healthy, positive way and naively thought would be resolved by leaving school and marrying, which, of course, they did not.

A few years after marrying found me on my own, with no husband, no support, and no education, but back then, not having a high school diploma was not crucial to the factory and retail jobs I was hired for easily. Inherent leadership, organizational, and a strong esthetic sense for merchandising quickly landed me into merchandising, administrative and supervisor roles by age nineteen, when I became a department head for a chain store, then assistant manager by age twenty-one.

After organizing a staff walk-out because of an area supervisor’s sexual comments and advances to many of the staff, I quit and accepted a part-time job at a local grocery store. A new owner arrived and within weeks, I became head cashier, and then the owner’s office assistant by age twenty-two.

After what had happened in school, I was surprised by all this because I had become convinced by that experience and others that I was not too bright.

Defiant, yes, but not bright.

That is, until the years rolled by and I began working with the chartered accountant to help prepare for the compilation and preparation of the year end financial statements. Encouraged by the accountant, I prepared and successfully completed the grade twelve equivalency exam and applied to a business school with the intent to become an accountant.

So, at age twenty-nine, I joined a group of mostly high school graduated, and with honors, graduated from Westervelt College with the other distinction of being the Chi-Eta scholarship recipient for Outstanding Student Cooperation. While attending, I was also elected as the school newspaper editor and treasurer.

And yes, my best marks were in my business mathematics, bookkeeping, and accounting courses, while my worst was English.

A move to Toronto resulted in a job in the accounting department at Howard Johnson’s head office, but quickly I discovered that the repetitive structure of accounting bored me and the location was a long commute from the other side of Toronto.

Recruited next by Levi Strauss & Co. (Canada) Inc., seven years not only provided a wealth of opportunity working in business planning, operations, and human resources, but also the opportunity to observe big business in action.

Disenchanted, which as it turns out, not because of the company, but because of still unresolved problems, plus motivated by a corporate culture that encouraged continuing education, I applied for, and still shockingly was accepted into York University’s Bachelor of Science program with the intent to acquire a Ph.D. in psychology.

But what happened totally took me by surprise!

Though the psychology and biology courses were interesting, what captured my heart most were philosophy and humanities. Reading the wonderful books, some of which I had missed by not attending high school, blew my mind wide open. No longer did I want to help people by only becoming a psychologist, listening to people in counselling sessions, I wanted to help them by becoming a great writer.

Having to write the essays for these courses revealed what my earlier English marks had not. As my university marks revealed, I truly did have an inherent ability to write, even well, though admittedly, it was the technical skills I needed to develop.

Stunned by this revelation, I left university with the goal to write for a living, though there was much I needed to learn. Nonetheless, in those few years after leaving almost seven hundred poems, forty short stories and essays, plus my first stream-of-consciousness book literally poured out of a very deep well.

Some works sold, though many were young in voice, unpolished, unsophisticated, and even childlike.

But the little confidence, deflated by a lack of encouragement from families and friends, motivated me to abandon writing and turn to studying design, communication and visual arts, while I worked with numbers again to live.

The desire to write though finally burst forth again. I wrote and recorded the children’s story, Charles’ Choice, that a few years later I sold as a workshop to a school board. A year later, I entered a local writing contest and was awarded Honorable Mention, Literature, selected by a York University professor.

Finally, I knew what I was to do.

Now, several years later, with several books written and more in research and development, the time has come to also return to incorporating my inherent numerical and leadership skills, along with the dream of helping people with my writing … which is why I am refreshing my accounting principles knowledge and am excited again to be working with numbers and formulas in preparation to reach out globally with my company. In fact, one of my goals is to also explore the world of abstract mathematics … for fun!

Anyway, the upcoming local Hawk’s Nest angel investors competition was just the catalyst I needed to embrace the whole me as The Respect Specialist, social entrepreneur, creative, and writer. The experience of feeling put back together … all of me … is one I highly recommend to anyone who, for whatever reason(s), buried parts of who they truly are.

Like me, respect yourself enough to set yourself free of the limitations placed on you … and SOAR!

February 26, 2016

Kaitlin Ann Trepanier … The Respect Specialist, Humanitarian, Social Entrepreneur, Creative, and Writer. The company creates, publishes, and produces books, products, and services to free potential based on the concept and global initiative “Connecting the Dots … with The Respect Principle.” I look forward to discovering how I can help you and others unleash more potential for greater success, enhanced quality of life, more joy and peace!

Ebooks available at www.smashwords.com and other Ebook retailers.

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