Reclaiming Confidence

All I have been through shattered the confidence I had built up, but thankfully my confidence, as with many aspects of myself that were badly broken, is being restored, even beyond what I knew before, empowering me to move forward with my purpose, including living the life I have known in my heart was mine to live.

Particularly helpful now is Joyce Meyer’s book, The Confident Woman, with the reminder that a “A person without confidence is like an airplane sitting on a runway with empty fuel tanks,” and I know that feeling all too well, especially this past year.

Thankfully, Joyce fills up our tanks with the wisdom gained from her own experience, “Confidence allows us to face life with boldness, openness, and honesty. It enables us to live without worry and to feel safe. It enables us to live authentically … we are secure in who we are … even if we are different from those around us.”

Yet she also reminds us, “So, if I say I am confident, which I frequently do, I don’t mean that I am confident in myself or my abilities, I mean that I am confident in my leader, God, and the gifts talents, and knowledge He has placed in me. (Check out John 15.5)

So personally I tell myself now that regardless of what I have gone through as a result of other people’s and my choices, I am not the result. I am malleable; an ongoing work-in-process with a passion for helping others, a deep-seated curiosity compelling me to learn continuously, and a highly intelligent, innovative, and creative mind that served organizations well before and can now serve my life’s purpose of helping other people to feel valued and realize more of their unique potential too.

And, of course, as wonderful it is to have relationships with people, what has been the best thing to learn is how to establish a personal relationship with God, who is now my first goto and always my last too as I step back into the world reclaiming what is mine … boldly confident, open, and honest, knowing that whatever comes I am ready and have the best backup available to everyone.

 

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist Writer Speaker Social Entrepreneur Founder and President

of Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2020

February 10, 2020

 

 

 

 

 

Just Because It Does Not Seem Possible …

Just because it does not seem possible, does not mean it is not possible.

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist Writer Speaker Social Entrepreneur Founder and President

of Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2020

January 20, 2020

What Is Going On In The World Is Everybody’s Business

The world’s problems may feel overwhelming as can our thoughts about how we may not believe what we can do will make a difference. But just like those who give no thought or care to what they do to cause harm, through indifference or anger or hate, we can counter their harm by doing good.

And in fact we must for many reasons.

One, for survival.

You have probably heard the story about the scorpion and the frog.  Paraphrased here, the scorpion comes to the edge of a body of water and says, “Hey frog, give me a ride to the other side.” The frog laughs and replies, “No way! You will sting me and we will both drown.” Now the scorpion, being the charmer he is, replies, “No I won’t because I don’t want to drown!” Wanting to believe because he’s a good guy, the frog slides close to the scorpion so the scorpion can climb on his back and says, “All right. Hop on.” When the frog finally hits his stride in the water, suddenly he feels the scorpion’s sting and he yells, “Aah! You said you wouldn’t sting me!” Sadly, knowing they are both going to die, the scorpion sighs and replies, “I know. But it’s my nature” as they both slip below the water’s surface forever.

Thankfully we are not scorpions. As human beings, we have the power to change our beliefs, our thoughts, words, and actions.

Not doing our part to steward the earth responsibly contributes to our and the future generations demise. Our contributions to buying less, using less, especially plastic, re-purposing as well as re-cycling, buying from responsible companies and countries are just some of the positive contributions we make to our environmental world that supports our existence.

Not doing our part to change how we treat each other also contributes to most of the societal and economic problems that could be solved individually and collectively. Instead of ostracizing those struggling in our families, communities, nations, and globally, pulling them into the circle, not by force or manipulation, but by acceptance, seeking to understand, and aiding diminishes the need for government intervention and extra taxes because citizens are addressing needs at the grass roots level rather than the need for taxes beyond infrastructure needs.

Not doing our part to keep learning to enlarge our understanding about our differences, inhibits our willingness to accept people’s differences and therefore our compassion, instead forcing people to conform to the point that we foster mental and physical illnesses, plus addictions and even crime that further send people off balance and add more strain to our social structure, including increasing violence.

Not doing our part to live and let live, breeds the prejudice and hate that fuels everything from bullying to sexual abuse/assault, from caregiver abuse to domestic violence, from employee abuse to employer abuse, from leadership tyranny to financial abuse, from local violence and crime to terrorism and wars.

Not doing our part to help each individual discover and develop their unique blend of talents and potential in the end is comparable to the scorpion stinging and killing the frog because we poison, destroy, and even contribute to, or even kill the unique value each person, each life’s potential could add to the quality of our own lives.

For these reasons and more, we do not need to feel overwhelmed by the state of the world nor do we have to write off that what we could do as unimportant because the point is everyone matters as does what we choose to do, personally and together.

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Specialist Writer Speaker Social Entrepreneur Founder and President

of Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2020

January 2, 2020

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why I Legally Changed My First Name from Debra to Kaitlin

Except for my mother, most people, including my father, helped me make the awkward transition from my initial birth name, Debra,  to the name I chose, Kaitlin.

At the time, most people did not ask why out loud, though I have discovered many people held on to the question because they have since asked.

The problem, other than people using their imaginations to speculate why, and not always in a flattering light, is for the longest time I could not even explain all of my reasons. What has finally made me capable of doing so now is because I am writing my story I have titled Carpenter’s Daughter and my name change is part of that story–a part I believe I need to share now.

As with the book I am writing, the name change was about me–not about anyone else. The name change was born out of cathartic process to help me move past the traumatically wounded, chameleon-like person I had become to please people and stay safe. This book is my final cathartic device that needs to be shared to help other people experiencing similar traumas because I finally feel healed and whole.

But, let us get back to the name change reasoning.

As you can read from the Wikipedia post below, there are many variations for the historical name, Deborah, one of which became Debra, the name my parents chose for me. My classrooms were filled with those variations; sometimes there were even six of us in a class. Unbeknownst to my parents, attending Catholic schools from grade one to grade eights, the spelling of my first name was not always received well by teaching nuns since some considered Deborah as the correct spelling as it is in the Bible.

Personally, I did not like the variations people used to call me because it seemed many people wanted to call me what they wanted to call me instead of my actual name Debra by the way it sounds when spelled. Many people could not spell my first name or my last name, Trepanier, right either.

When I married the first time at sixteen, I became Debbie Smith, which was fine, that is, until my husband’s family started calling me Big Debbie, I was five foot nine, almost, and my husband’s younger brother’s wife name was Debbie, not much over five feet too, so they called her Little Debbie so they could distinguish between us when they were talking about us.

Teased, tormented, and disrespected for other reasons you can read about in my upcoming book, at first, I only contemplated what a name change would entail, but by the time I hit my “dark night of the soul” in my late thirties, not making the name change seemed a self-inflicted cruelty I could avert.

Deborah (given name)

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Deborah
The prophetess Deborah as imagined by Gustave Doré.
Gender Female
Origin
Word/name Hebrew
Meaning Bee
Other names
Nickname(s) Deb, Debs, Debby,
Related names Deb, Debby, Debbie, Debra, Melissa (Greek), Erlea (Basque)

Deborah (Hebrew: דְבוֹרָה‎) is a feminine given name derived from דבורה D’vorah, a Hebrew word meaning “bee.” Deborah was a heroine and prophetess in the Old Testament Book of Judges. In the United States, the name was most popular from 1950 to 1970, when it was among the 20 most popular names for girls. It was the 25th most common name for women in the United States in the 1990 census. It has since fallen in popularity. It ranked as the 780th most popular name for baby girls born in 2007 in the United States, down from 676th most popular name in 2006.[1]

The name is Déborah in French, Débora in Portuguese and Spanish, Debora in Italian and Czech.

Variants

Kate was a young woman I met in my late teens. She was the opposite of the quiet me. Vivacious, bold, and confident her laughter filled the air along with her jests and I wanted to be more like her rather than the increasingly quiet timid soul I had become.

But I did not want to be called Kate because it was too abrupt and harsh like Deb, the name most people called me, even when I said my name was Debbie, which had become the commonest version of Debra.

When I married at twenty one, my last name became Webber and I became Debbie Webber. After I began my healing path venture that was near the end of my second marriage of nineteen years, I stumbled across the realization I really did not like being called Debbie Webber. The name sounded childish to me and I did not want it any more. Neither name reflected how I felt inside.

I had been hoping, even expecting I would marry again and would take his last name, but I did not know when, so to me the thing to do was to finally change my first name.

In researching the name Kate, I discovered its origin, Catherine, a name I had always liked, but it did not speak to me. Kaitlin did though. And when I discovered  the origins of Caitlin, I knew it was the right choice because it would also honour my mother and her Irish heritage in the same way my father’s last name honoured his French heritage.

Caitlin

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Caitlin (pronounced [ˈkatʲlʲiːnʲ]) is a female given name of Irish origin. It is the Irish version of the Old French name Cateline [katlin], which comes from Catherine, which in turn comes from the Ancient Greek Αἰκατερίνη (Aikaterine). Catherine is attributed to St. Catherine of Alexandria.[1] Along with the many other variants of Catherine, it is generally believed to mean “pure” because of its long association with the Greek adjective καθαρός katharos (pure), though the name did not evolve from this word.[2]

Historically, the name was only anglicized as Cathleen or Kathleen. In the 1970s, however, non-Irish speakers began pronouncing the name as /ˈkeɪtlɪn/ KAYT-lin, which led to many variations in spelling.[3][4][5]

As it turns out, there are also many variations now of Kaitlin, especially since it became a common name in the last several years, so the odds of someone spelling my name right are ironically few and far between. Add the fact I did not remarry as hoped, I also chose to revert to my maiden name Trepanier in 2008, making for more confusion for people, but made sense to me. I could not see keeping the last name any longer of a husband I divorced in 1997.

And that’s that. There is no dark, lurid, or criminal past I am trying to cover. There is no one I am hiding from. The reason for the changes are personal, part of my healing process, and the reclamation of my identity. Will I revert to my original name Debra? I do not know. I have considered it. My mother would love it if I did, but love her as I do, I think I will just send her a copy of this post. But I do not think so, even though I recognize Debra as a beautiful name bore by a Biblical heroine and prophetess that was given to me by my parents because of their love for me. However, I like the name Kaitlin. It is both strong and soft, plus its meaning “pure” reflects the person I became–pure of heart, freed from trauma that imprisoned me for most of my life.

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Writer, Founder and President of Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019 

October 16, 2019

 

 

 

An Original Poem About Silence: Shining Drops

SHINING DROPS

Amid the clouds

of silence,

soft whispers

rain,

infuse the

air,

with shining

drops,

of refreshing

balm,

washing away

all the tears

constant noise

inflict.

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Writer, Founder and President of Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019 

September 2, 2019

 

 

 

 

 

 

An Innovative Housing Idea

An innovative idea is only the beginning of any change. What makes innovation successful is the buy-in by those who can contribute to making the change happen, though not just by the money folks, but for all those who can help in their unique way. Some people can write letters to petition businesses and government. Other people can advocate and garner community support. Investment folks can open their hearts and minds as well as their wallets.

In essence, we can work together to address a need affecting many people that in the long run affects us also.

A Canadian province and other countries have discovered that housing the homeless actually costs less than all the care homeless need as a result of being homeless. However, the challenge is not only about housing the homeless, but also about creating safe, healthy living spaces for the people with wages below the poverty level, for those who cannot work because of disabilities, for the aged who are still independent, and even for people whose income is above the poverty level, but are saving to buy homes or who are growing businesses.

We need to build inclusive communities, rather than continue to segregate people by income and other qualifying factors that also lead to a host of other health-related problems, including loneliness and depression as well as safety and security challenges.

Recognizing the significant difference between what the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) defines as Extroverts and Introverts is also key in developing healthy living environments for each group. Extroverts’ brains require fairly constant external stimulation by interacting with others, while Introverts’ brains are constantly engaged internally and as a result, withdraw from the level of interaction Extroverts thrive on in order to rest and not become overstimulated.

But rather than having to build these buildings, across Ontario and in many other places too, these buildings are sitting vacant or almost waiting to be brought back to life. Those buildings are the once-thriving shopping environments we call shopping malls; growing more and more obsolete as big box stores increasingly become the norm.

And here is where you come in. Think of all the malls you have visited or shopped. Think about the small stores spaces anchored by the once-big department stores.

Now, imagine all those small stores transformed into living spaces for Extroverted folks who love to be close to their neighbours and community. Envision the wide hallways as promenades for their congregating and exercising without having to go outside when the weather is not inviting. Imagine an indoor playground to keep children occupied and caregivers comforted with the safety and security of the contained playground. Imagine bustling community rooms where Extroverts could regularly top up their interaction need with other Extroverts.

In contrast, for the Introverts, imagine those big department stores transformed into a number of living spaces surrounded by elements Introverts need to keep their needs balanced also. Elements such as quiet open areas for alone time or conversations for two and noise free nooks in order to read, study, reflect, write, and create. Imagine studios and the like for those driven to create in private.

Now imagine the communities that could be built upon mutual respect by recognizing each other’s differences and needs. Imagine all people coming together in such a community, a community within a community, made stronger by getting their basic needs met; a community fostering the ability for all of its community members to thrive.

Of course, this is just an idea, but an idea I am sharing because of my experience the past twenty years living in a variety of communities and in a variety of living environments, the worst of which has been in many the boarding houses where there has been no locks on doors, no kitchens to prepare healthy foods, and landlords who really do not want to be landlords, but want a way to generate passive income with minimal expense that often results in unsafe and unhealthy environments that people in developed countries should not be living.

Abandoned malls are not the only spaces we can transform to fill the housing shortage needs, but the malls, like some mansions, are just waiting to be re-purposed; to be filled with echoes of voices that once filled their spaces.

My contribution has been observing and experiencing what I have, plus now planting the seed for you to nurture and grow. Now we just need the people who really want to make a difference and will get the ball rolling. Is that you or someone you know? And now this, here is your chance to leave a bigger legacy than what you may have planned. I  am rooting for you!

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Writer, Founder and President of Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019 

August 31, 2019

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Improvement Does Not Mean We Are Flawed

Living a full life requires us to continuously step into the unknown.

Change challenges us to grow past our beliefs and the way we interact with the world.

Growth stems from our response to change and if we allow growth to happen, the quality of our lives improve.

And as a  result, we become the best version of ourselves: not because we are flawed, but because we are human.

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Writer, Founder and President of

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019 

August 20, 2019