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Do you know someone or are you one of those people labelled negatively by family or peers or community? Or have you lost someone due to depression or addictions? Or are you a person struggling to pull yourself out of a state of mind threatening your actual existence? After years of searching for answers and for healing in order to move forward with the life right for her, Kaitlin shares her story.


Kaitlin Ann Trepanier, Human Rights Activist, Author, Poet, Playwright, and Speaker. Available books, Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle and Broken Compass How To Save A Life

All rights reserved.


Understanding the Big Picture of “Sowing and Reaping”

Limited minds and experiences often don’t understand the full scope of sowing and reaping.

I certainly did not. In my youth, when my lack of truthful knowledge about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, plus very harmful experiences turned me away from God, I had no idea of the real consequences. Then, and for years later, as I worked my way back to Him, I sought to understand why He did not prevent what happened to me, starting in childhood. I could not fathom why He allowed me to become so devastated and depressed most of my life. And even when I cried out to Him 25 years ago and said, “Take me home or give me a purpose,” I had no idea of the work I would have to do and He would have to do in and through me as He brought me back to my true self.

Because I had grown so weary, for some time, I have asked Him to take me home (suicide never an option … the only good thing that came out of my Catholic upbringing because with my experiences I thought earth was hell and I wanted to be freed from it, not live in it for eternity). Last night was no different as I cried a little more, but stopped because I know He wants me to stop crying and just keep doing as He has asked. I think of all that has to be done, the money, the people, and I stumble in faith … but this morning He answered my prayer by using the words from a pastor I don’t usually watch.

As I was flipping through the channels I paused on Triumph Church as the pastor said, “This message is for someone who needs to hear this right now. You need to stay and pass on, anoint your successor as Elija did Elisha.” The message uplifted my spirit and soul, knowing deep down it was the answer to my prayer … that all my hardships and efforts were not, are not, in vain, that they will serve as the foundation for others to build upon. And as for me, I will be able to pass the lead role on so I can enjoy the life He promised as a creative writer, artist, and much more, including being a loving wife for the rest of my days. Now that’s some sowing and reaping! Amen!


Specialist Writer Speaker Social Entrepreneur Founder and President

of/for Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2021

May 16, 2021

To Whom It May Concern

I hope you and your loved ones are safe and well during this very challenging time.

I think of you often, miss you a lot, and am sorry for any and all ways I hurt you and continuously widened the distance between us. I don’t know how things got so bad between us, but I do know regardless of everything, I still love you very much.

As for me, I am okay. My pensions have stabilized me financially and I am working to monetize my writing in different ways to ramp up my income to move, buy some motorized wheels again, and grow my company so I can hire my team to share the load and diversity of work.

Much of my time here these past several years has been focused on unravelling why my life derailed to the point that it did. A lot of time and effort was required to investigate, discover, analyze, and to connect the dots, which I am sharing in my new book, Broken Compass. The other challenge has been how to tell my story without telling other people’s stories in order to respect their privacy. If you read Broken Compass when it is released for publication, you will be assured of that fact. Being able to share what I have learned through my study, research, and healing will help many people and families understand and deal with “invisible minorities” better in order to foster new ways for us all to be inclusive of all types of personality types, love languages, plus learning, communication, and socializing aptitudes in order to foster more respect and love for everyone.

The other important thing that has stabilized my life significantly has been studying Christianity in order to discover the inconsistencies and misinformation that turned me away from God in my youth and has now returned me, not to a religion, but to God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit’s presence in my life.

The scope of my vision, driven by the depth of my respect, compassion, and love, no longer scares or intimidates me, but soothes, calms, and excites me as I keep moving forward with what is in my heart and soul to do, for me, my loved ones, and for everyone … because I know its source.



Specialist Writer Speaker Social Entrepreneur Founder and President

of/for Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2021

May 5, 2021

Living By Truth Is Not Easy In This World

Up front I have to admit I certainly have told lies, but more often than not, I have told truths … truths that were not recognized as truth, or could not, or would not, be believed. I even lied after I told the truth just to smooth things over in order to avoid conflict, one of my least favourite things. And over the years, many people have lied about me, with their own unique motives. I used to get hurt, angry, and even confused, but not so much anymore, and at times, not at all.

Fortunately my drive to understand human behaviour recently provided the much-needed answers I sought.

As I have written about previously, my research revealed that my personality type falls within a small range, estimated to be between 5% to 8% of the American population, as well as also being an introvert, in contrast to the dominant personality type, extroverts.

Not having this knowledge, truly understanding the impact, and people being more comfortable with people like themselves, not only compelled me to be untruthful about my true character, unique talents and skills, not that they were bad, just more different than the majority of people. I realize too that my being untruthful about myself and presenting a preferred persona, also resulted in relationship problems and even professional problems when my true character came out, which eventually had to happen in order for me to develop the best mental health for me.

Unfortunately, what I did with good intent, becoming chameleon-like in order to be accepted, liked, and loved ultimately backfired personally and professionally and their has been much collateral damage requiring several years and a lot of effort to shed the false skin and grow into my own … and also to let people go gracefully, in ways I could not do before.

Now, the challenge is not to revert to chameleon-like behaviour, but to stay true to myself, even with the knowledge that not being like most people, I have to accept people’s discomfort, dislike, or even worse from my not being like them, my not thinking like them, my not making choices similar to theirs, and as a result, their lack of respect for me.

Learning what I have, I now do my best to be civil and respectful to others because I know what it feels like not be respected. I even make an effort to apologize if I am not as civil as I want to people to treat me. And when I am on the receiving end of what I experienced when I was naive about all of this, sometimes it still hurts, but only initially when I let my feelings dominate my consciousness rather than my principle that everyone benefits from being treated with civility … in other words, respectfully … simply for being another life.

The other thing though that has helped me considerably to live truthfully is studying The Bible and discovering three important facts.

First surprising fact to me was that if someone is dedicated to doing work that is going to make a positive difference in the world, that person must be prepared for the onslaught that will come because, after all, Satan wants to win as many battles, especially against anyone who is going to advance humanity, because he knows the final victory is God’s. Discovering this empowers me to be less surprised when bad things happen, big or small, yet admittedly I still have to make sure to remind myself not to take any onslaught personally, regardless of who delivers it, because I know the real source, whose power is really nothing compared to who is for me and my purpose.

Second, those who believe in God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are told they are in this world, but not of it, so it is natural that some, even many people, will not only accept, but will also reject, and even seek to harm someone they do not identify with or who does not believe as they do..

And gladly, third, no matter what is said or by whom against me, I need do little, especially not acting revengefully, but just believe in the power truth and God brings to any situation or relationship.

Undoubtedly, living truthfully may not always be the easy way to live in this world, but after living untruthfully for a number of reasons most of my life and reaping the unsatisfying, unfulfilling, limiting, and harmful results, there is no other choice I would make.



Specialist, Writer, Speaker, Social Entrepreneur, Founder and President

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019

Last update April 22, 2020






To Whom It May Concern

My waking up to the realities of my life, including the ones I had buried and other realities people also refused to believe or denied resulted, not just in the end of a nineteen-year marriage, but my slide into a deep, debilitating depression.

The marriage ending was no surprise, in retrospect, because it was built on falseness, including my own. Falseness created by a woman-child who had been severely harmed in her younger years and, subconsciously, was looking for safety in the guise of what was considered normal.

But the truth must come out or we, all of us, pay the consequences for living not just an unauthentic life, but a life that needs to be supported by acceptable untruths to make other people allow us into the pack.

We may appear to fit into the pack we think we need to be a part of to the point we become chameleons, sadly adapting to the point we lose our identity.

In the mid 1990’s, I realized I had lost mine and became undone.

Facing long-buried memories my mind had protected me from resulted in a waking up that was actually exhilarating because finally things and my life were starting to make sense. And even though successful in many people’s eyes, deep down I knew I was living marginally compared to what I, and some other people, believed I was capable of doing.

In the process of reclaiming my true identity, talents, and skills, I did not change my life, but also the lives of people in my life. Many people were hurt or angry, or both, and most walked, even ran away, though appearances made it look as if I was running away. In truth, they had left me, though not physically, long before I had the courage to leave.

Then I met someone who treated me with respect, care, and acceptance beyond what I had ever known, But, broken as I had been before I married, the end of many relationships, including the long-term marriage, resulted from many people’s unwillingness to just let me explore what was revealed as important to me and to let me in my own time and in my own way.

Sadly, but understandably now, even he ran away because well, I was literally falling apart at the seams and no one I knew wanted to be around so I left … dropped out of the life I had known.

Trying to save face and keep myself afloat, I denied the deep depression grabbing at my ankles, trying to pull me into a dark abyss. Money became an issue when I was laid off, but since my head was fogged with bad daydreams and worse nightmares, plus pride, overcoming the shame to seek and ask for help was prevented and I found myself slipping further into the abyss.

With no money, bills piling up, credit maxed to the limit, no food, and a roof over my head would soon not be able to afford, my body and my spirit laid down for ten days, barely getting out of bed to go to the washroom and take a sip of water. Only when someone showed up and discovered my state did things start to change, though not for the better.

In a matter of weeks, I found myself living in a suburban home in a room, ashamedly paid for by welfare. In a month, an unexpected call from a retail art and framing gallery. Finally, I was climbing up rather than sliding down. And I was grateful for a job where I was left alone to do a job in a world I wanted to explore. Creditors were the only ones interested in me now and I could not bear the harsh, cruel worlds and threats, so, since I had no idea how or when things were going to turn around I bowed my head further and filed for bankruptcy, handing my much-loved motorcycle back to the bank.

When I had expressed interest in moving to the west coast, a finance professional suggested I make the move so I could get my life back on track, including clearing my debts without the abusive creditors’ pressure. But, still gripped tightly by depression and a profound loss of confidence, I did not see a way to make the move. And frankly, I did not want to move away from those I loved, even if they no longer loved me, because I was clinging to the hope they would come back for me, in order to keep me moving forward.

After all I have been through, credit was not something I wanted to get involved with again and for several years I avoided it. But, when I was compelled by circumstances to move back to the place where I used to and where my dad still lived to help him through his last years, I could not do it without credit because I was forced to quit work to be on call for him twenty four hours a day. There was no other other financial support available to me.

When the collection calls started to come this time, I referred to the letters I had sent all my creditors explaining that I would not file for bankruptcy, but at some point I would pay back all my debts to them personally, and eventually with interest. Collection companies though would not listen and I discovered through the wretched process yet another significant contributor to abuse and its impact on people already struggling … a humanitarian injustice I will work to change.

And as someone who is now dedicated fully now to transforming how people are treated, regardless of their differences, circumstances, etc., I have been applying for grants to reboot the social business venture I initially started in 2014, but was stalled by parental care needs and the fallout of that time period.

I was inspired to share this glimpse of my life with the supporters of my quest to transform respect from a discretionary value to a global principle, with those who just want the money that was not even theirs to begin with and any interested party.

In time, God’s timing I believe, my company will secure the grants needed to get off the ground, running, and thriving. And in time, the creditors who enabled me to be there with my dad during his last, very difficult years will receive the rewards, not just of the money returned with interest, but also with the valuable lesson that not all people are out to screw creditors and treating people respectfully provides the motivation people need to repay debts rather than write them off. Financial institutions, as well as businesses, are also accountable too for exploiting people, especially low income people who earn poverty wages businesses offer, pay high percentages of their income for rent and utilities, and are encouraged strongly by media to want what they cannot afford.

With the COVID-19 pandemic being the going concern and the buzz phrase, “We’re in this together” promoting the impact we have on each other, now is the time to really get it … that we are all connected and what one person, one group, one organization, and one nation do impacts us all, so how and what we choose to do makes us problem makers or problem solvers.

As someone finally wide-awake, I choose to be a problem solver and  fortunately, inherently I excel at problem solving because of the way I see things.

As for whom it may concern, know this … I now know, mistakes and all, I am just as valuable as anyone else and no one gets to treat me as anything less than one worthy of respect … simply for being a life.

Shared by


Specialist Writer Speaker Social Entrepreneur Founder and President

of Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2020

April 18, 2020






Reclaiming Confidence

All I have been through shattered the confidence I had built up, but thankfully my confidence, as with many aspects of myself that were badly broken, is being restored, even beyond what I knew before, empowering me to move forward with my purpose, including living the life I have known in my heart was mine to live.

Particularly helpful now is Joyce Meyer’s book, The Confident Woman, with the reminder that a “A person without confidence is like an airplane sitting on a runway with empty fuel tanks,” and I know that feeling all too well, especially this past year.

Thankfully, Joyce fills up our tanks with the wisdom gained from her own experience, “Confidence allows us to face life with boldness, openness, and honesty. It enables us to live without worry and to feel safe. It enables us to live authentically … we are secure in who we are … even if we are different from those around us.”

Yet she also reminds us, “So, if I say I am confident, which I frequently do, I don’t mean that I am confident in myself or my abilities, I mean that I am confident in my leader, God, and the gifts talents, and knowledge He has placed in me. (Check out John 15.5)

So personally I tell myself now that regardless of what I have gone through as a result of other people’s and my choices, I am not the result. I am malleable; an ongoing work-in-process with a passion for helping others, a deep-seated curiosity compelling me to learn continuously, and a highly intelligent, innovative, and creative mind that served organizations well before and can now serve my life’s purpose of helping other people to feel valued and realize more of their unique potential too.

And, of course, as wonderful it is to have relationships with people, what has been the best thing to learn is how to establish a personal relationship with God, who is now my first goto and always my last too as I step back into the world reclaiming what is mine … boldly confident, open, and honest, knowing that whatever comes I am ready and have the best backup available to everyone.



Specialist Writer Speaker Social Entrepreneur Founder and President

of Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2020

February 10, 2020






Just Because It Does Not Seem Possible …

Just because it does not seem possible, does not mean it is not possible.


Specialist Writer Speaker Social Entrepreneur Founder and President

of Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2020

January 20, 2020

What Is Going On In The World Is Everybody’s Business

The world’s problems may feel overwhelming as can our thoughts about how we may not believe what we can do will make a difference. But just like those who give no thought or care to what they do to cause harm, through indifference or anger or hate, we can counter their harm by doing good.

And in fact we must for many reasons.

One, for survival.

You have probably heard the story about the scorpion and the frog.  Paraphrased here, the scorpion comes to the edge of a body of water and says, “Hey frog, give me a ride to the other side.” The frog laughs and replies, “No way! You will sting me and we will both drown.” Now the scorpion, being the charmer he is, replies, “No I won’t because I don’t want to drown!” Wanting to believe because he’s a good guy, the frog slides close to the scorpion so the scorpion can climb on his back and says, “All right. Hop on.” When the frog finally hits his stride in the water, suddenly he feels the scorpion’s sting and he yells, “Aah! You said you wouldn’t sting me!” Sadly, knowing they are both going to die, the scorpion sighs and replies, “I know. But it’s my nature” as they both slip below the water’s surface forever.

Thankfully we are not scorpions. As human beings, we have the power to change our beliefs, our thoughts, words, and actions.

Not doing our part to steward the earth responsibly contributes to our and the future generations demise. Our contributions to buying less, using less, especially plastic, re-purposing as well as re-cycling, buying from responsible companies and countries are just some of the positive contributions we make to our environmental world that supports our existence.

Not doing our part to change how we treat each other also contributes to most of the societal and economic problems that could be solved individually and collectively. Instead of ostracizing those struggling in our families, communities, nations, and globally, pulling them into the circle, not by force or manipulation, but by acceptance, seeking to understand, and aiding diminishes the need for government intervention and extra taxes because citizens are addressing needs at the grass roots level rather than the need for taxes beyond infrastructure needs.

Not doing our part to keep learning to enlarge our understanding about our differences, inhibits our willingness to accept people’s differences and therefore our compassion, instead forcing people to conform to the point that we foster mental and physical illnesses, plus addictions and even crime that further send people off balance and add more strain to our social structure, including increasing violence.

Not doing our part to live and let live, breeds the prejudice and hate that fuels everything from bullying to sexual abuse/assault, from caregiver abuse to domestic violence, from employee abuse to employer abuse, from leadership tyranny to financial abuse, from local violence and crime to terrorism and wars.

Not doing our part to help each individual discover and develop their unique blend of talents and potential in the end is comparable to the scorpion stinging and killing the frog because we poison, destroy, and even contribute to, or even kill the unique value each person, each life’s potential could add to the quality of our own lives.

For these reasons and more, we do not need to feel overwhelmed by the state of the world nor do we have to write off that what we could do as unimportant because the point is everyone matters as does what we choose to do, personally and together.


Specialist Writer Speaker Social Entrepreneur Founder and President

of Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2020

January 2, 2020











Why I Legally Changed My First Name from Debra to Kaitlin

Except for my mother, most people, including my father, helped me make the awkward transition from my initial birth name, Debra,  to the name I chose, Kaitlin.

At the time, most people did not ask why out loud, though I have discovered many people held on to the question because they have since asked.

The problem, other than people using their imaginations to speculate why, and not always in a flattering light, is for the longest time I could not even explain all of my reasons. What has finally made me capable of doing so now is because I am writing my story I have titled Carpenter’s Daughter and my name change is part of that story–a part I believe I need to share now.

As with the book I am writing, the name change was about me–not about anyone else. The name change was born out of cathartic process to help me move past the traumatically wounded, chameleon-like person I had become to please people and stay safe. This book is my final cathartic device that needs to be shared to help other people experiencing similar traumas because I finally feel healed and whole.

But, let us get back to the name change reasoning.

As you can read from the Wikipedia post below, there are many variations for the historical name, Deborah, one of which became Debra, the name my parents chose for me. My classrooms were filled with those variations; sometimes there were even six of us in a class. Unbeknownst to my parents, attending Catholic schools from grade one to grade eights, the spelling of my first name was not always received well by teaching nuns since some considered Deborah as the correct spelling as it is in the Bible.

Personally, I did not like the variations people used to call me because it seemed many people wanted to call me what they wanted to call me instead of my actual name Debra by the way it sounds when spelled. Many people could not spell my first name or my last name, Trepanier, right either.

When I married the first time at sixteen, I became Debbie Smith, which was fine, that is, until my husband’s family started calling me Big Debbie, I was five foot nine, almost, and my husband’s younger brother’s wife name was Debbie, not much over five feet too, so they called her Little Debbie so they could distinguish between us when they were talking about us.

Teased, tormented, and disrespected for other reasons you can read about in my upcoming book, at first, I only contemplated what a name change would entail, but by the time I hit my “dark night of the soul” in my late thirties, not making the name change seemed a self-inflicted cruelty I could avert.

Deborah (given name)

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The prophetess Deborah as imagined by Gustave Doré.
Gender Female
Word/name Hebrew
Meaning Bee
Other names
Nickname(s) Deb, Debs, Debby,
Related names Deb, Debby, Debbie, Debra, Melissa (Greek), Erlea (Basque)

Deborah (Hebrew: דְבוֹרָה‎) is a feminine given name derived from דבורה D’vorah, a Hebrew word meaning “bee.” Deborah was a heroine and prophetess in the Old Testament Book of Judges. In the United States, the name was most popular from 1950 to 1970, when it was among the 20 most popular names for girls. It was the 25th most common name for women in the United States in the 1990 census. It has since fallen in popularity. It ranked as the 780th most popular name for baby girls born in 2007 in the United States, down from 676th most popular name in 2006.[1]

The name is Déborah in French, Débora in Portuguese and Spanish, Debora in Italian and Czech.


Kate was a young woman I met in my late teens. She was the opposite of the quiet me. Vivacious, bold, and confident her laughter filled the air along with her jests and I wanted to be more like her rather than the increasingly quiet timid soul I had become.

But I did not want to be called Kate because it was too abrupt and harsh like Deb, the name most people called me, even when I said my name was Debbie, which had become the commonest version of Debra.

When I married at twenty one, my last name became Webber and I became Debbie Webber. After I began my healing path venture that was near the end of my second marriage of nineteen years, I stumbled across the realization I really did not like being called Debbie Webber. The name sounded childish to me and I did not want it any more. Neither name reflected how I felt inside.

I had been hoping, even expecting I would marry again and would take his last name, but I did not know when, so to me the thing to do was to finally change my first name.

In researching the name Kate, I discovered its origin, Catherine, a name I had always liked, but it did not speak to me. Kaitlin did though. And when I discovered  the origins of Caitlin, I knew it was the right choice because it would also honour my mother and her Irish heritage in the same way my father’s last name honoured his French heritage.


From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Caitlin (pronounced [ˈkatʲlʲiːnʲ]) is a female given name of Irish origin. It is the Irish version of the Old French name Cateline [katlin], which comes from Catherine, which in turn comes from the Ancient Greek Αἰκατερίνη (Aikaterine). Catherine is attributed to St. Catherine of Alexandria.[1] Along with the many other variants of Catherine, it is generally believed to mean “pure” because of its long association with the Greek adjective καθαρός katharos (pure), though the name did not evolve from this word.[2]

Historically, the name was only anglicized as Cathleen or Kathleen. In the 1970s, however, non-Irish speakers began pronouncing the name as /ˈkeɪtlɪn/ KAYT-lin, which led to many variations in spelling.[3][4][5]

As it turns out, there are also many variations now of Kaitlin, especially since it became a common name in the last several years, so the odds of someone spelling my name right are ironically few and far between. Add the fact I did not remarry as hoped, I also chose to revert to my maiden name Trepanier in 2008, making for more confusion for people, but made sense to me. I could not see keeping the last name any longer of a husband I divorced in 1997.

And that’s that. There is no dark, lurid, or criminal past I am trying to cover. There is no one I am hiding from. The reason for the changes are personal, part of my healing process, and the reclamation of my identity. Will I revert to my original name Debra? I do not know. I have considered it. My mother would love it if I did, but love her as I do, I think I will just send her a copy of this post. But I do not think so, even though I recognize Debra as a beautiful name bore by a Biblical heroine and prophetess that was given to me by my parents because of their love for me. However, I like the name Kaitlin. It is both strong and soft, plus its meaning “pure” reflects the person I became–pure of heart, freed from trauma that imprisoned me for most of my life.


Writer, Founder and President of Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019 

October 16, 2019




An Original Poem About Silence: Shining Drops


Amid the clouds

of silence,

soft whispers


infuse the


with shining


of refreshing


washing away

all the tears

constant noise



Writer, Founder and President of Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019 

September 2, 2019