“How to Be Resilient in the Face of Harsh Criticism”

“What I’ve learned from the TOSA students is that we need to build our resilience in the face of criticism. Here are four steps you can try the next time harsh feedback catches you off-guard. I’ve organized them into an easy-to-remember acronym — CURE — to help you put these lessons in practice even when you’re under stress.”

Click on the following link:

https://hbr.org/2019/06/how-to-be-resilient-in-the-face-of-harsh-criticism?utm_source=pocket-newtab

Joseph Grenny is a four-time New York Times bestselling author, keynote speaker, and leading social scientist for business performance. His work has been translated into 28 languages, is available in 36 countries, and has generated results for 300 of the Fortune 500. He is the cofounder of VitalSmarts, an innovator in corporate training and leadership development.

Harvard Business Review, June 17, 2019

Shared by

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Advocate Innovator Writer Social Entrepreneur & Founder

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019 

June 20, 2019

 

Mental Health … or Just Broken Hearts and Spirits?

Science has shown that depression, in time, actually manifests itself in people’s brains and bodies, affecting the chemicals in our brains that motivate or de-motivate us.

The “key” to consider I believe is the “in time” label.

First, let us remember that some people are born with the chemical imbalance that causes depression and its often disastrous side effects, particularly suicide.

But let’s also consider how people not born with the chemical brain imbalance become depressed.

In a world constantly affirming that no one is entitled to respect … to be valued … unless someone in authority says so … people becoming depressed is easy to understand.

When a child is taught by their experience, as the majority of children are based on the results generated from the beginning till now, that their “value’ is determined by others’ thoughts and expectations, such a child loses his or her identity in the process of pleasing others to gain their respect … to feel valued … and therefore safe, protected … but relying on others not only will disappoint children, but also in reality also has the potential to cause great harm and severe danger, including death by violence, suicide or murder.

The training tool employed by the Disrespect Philosophy unconsciously driving our world is the repetitive “breaking” of hearts and spirits. Some people call the effect depression; something wrong that becomes wrong or broken in people’s minds but both my own experience and my research indicate otherwise. Both indicate the precursor to the level of depression that creates havoc with a life has more to do with the repetitive damage done to a person’s heart and spirit … and if not healed, opens the path for depression to sink into the cells of one’s brain and body.

In other words, the real mental health challenge is not depression, but its root cause, disrespect.

For some people depression that has been inside one too long needs to be treated with medication as well as the personal work to discover the damage done to one’s heart and spirit and to heal so one can move forward; however, what I found the most helpful was the discovery of where and when, the personal journey to heal … that increased my RESPECT LEVEL to a high enough level …. so I could reclaim my identity … and then to a higher RESPECT LEVEL that resulted in my reconnecting with my spirituality … all of which finally resulted in my experiencing the peace nothing else generated in my fifty plus years, along with the confidence, courage and direction to finally move upward and forward.

Family and friends thought I lost “it” twenty years ago when I walked away from everything and everyone I knew. What no one seemed to understand or wanted to hear was I had not lost my mind, but instead my heart and spirit had lost the desire to use my mind … that is the difference between depression and a nervous breakdown from a brokenness deep in the core of one’s self.

Science is a great tool and methodology to help us understand ourselves and our world, but like all things and fields of study, science is only a part of the big picture. Labels are created to help us understand our differences and each other, but labelling in itself quickly becomes prejudicial in a world still driven by the unconscious belief we are only as valuable as we are labelled … worthy of respect, worthy of being valued or worthy of being rejected, abandoned, denied, reshaped, conformed … etc.

In light of this train of thought, perhaps we can re-consider the stigma attached to mental health for what it is too … yet another level of prejudice created by the Disrespect Philosophy’s premise … no one is valuable unless someone in authority … decides someone is worthy.

The question begged then is the Disrespect Philosophy and its fallout problems of broken hearts, broken spirits and eventually the mental health problems, including depression what we want to serve as our legacy?

February 21, 2014

Kaitlin A. Trepanier
http://www.kaitlinatrepanier.com

All Rights Reserved by DARK HORSES PRODUCTIONS/KAITLIN A. TREPANIER, Getting YOU the RESPECT YOU Want … Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE Author, Writer, Playwright, Poet, Lyricist, Artist, Advocate, Speaker, Researcher, Analyst, Developer, Project Specialist, Creative Director, Founder … because every child … every person … should know, by their own experience, they are valued … RESPECTED.

Karma, Reaping What We Sow or Lifetime Prisoners to Disrespect Philosophy Thinking?

What if what is accepted as karma … getting back what you gave … reaping what you sow … really is a fallacy based on the Disrespect Philosophy, the premise no one or nothing is valuable unless some one or some group says so?

Not that I am suggesting karma or reaping what you sow does not happen … spiritually and scientifically, both are proven by research and personal experience, my own included.

What I am asking us all to reconsider is the long-term effect of believing as we do instead of recognizing that living in a world driven by the unconscious belief, the Disrespect Philosophy, we may experience karma or reaping what we sow … repeatedly, because when we don’t change our negative belief about the karma or what we reaped as only an effect … a temporary one … we become prisoners of such thinking and will continue to experience over and over and over the same karma … the same reaping … which will reinforce our negative thinking and the negative thinking and judgment of others about us … thereby constantly reinforcing the Disrespect Philosophy that keeps individuals, families, communities, cultures and nations, including our global nation, prisoners of a core belief that has imprisoned us, as history shows, for centuries.

Breaking free results from becoming aware of what one’s core beliefs are … as reflected by the results we generate … and then doing our work to change our thinking to generate new results by new actions … breaking the karmic and harvesting cycle of what we once sowed to reap the benefits of our new seeds.

The majority of us are driven by what has been driving humanity since the beginning of time whether you look at it from a spiritual perspective or from a rationale, intellectual, scientific perspective. The Bible calls Satan the deceiver … one who lies about who people are as children of God. The deceiver from a scientific, intellectual rationale perspective I call the Disrespect Philosophy, which as humankind’s history and presence show, we are to treat no one with respect unless we or someone else has decided such a person or group is worthy of being respected … valued.

The opposite, empowering, compassionate as well as logical and practical rationale is the Respect Philosophy, which I renamed as The RESPECT PRINCIPLE simply because a principle means a foundational or core belief. Recognizing the results we and the world generate based on our global unconscious belief is the first step. Raising one’s personal RESPECT LEVEL is the next step because when our own RESPECT LEVEL rises, as I have experienced firsthand, so do results we then generate, reflect our reaping new growth, breaking free of the karma from the negative thinking that has shaped our lives.

We all fall down because we all make mistakes … that is if we are living, taking chances and risks to keep learning and growing … which means sometimes we fall or fail. The Disrespect Philosophy or Satan, whatever your belief, will do their best to keep you down and imprisoned till what’s left of your life is but a shadow of what we can become … and I believe with all my heart that most of us are so much more than what we have come to believe … regardless of the how and why.

Today, I say to you … you are so much more. I know this because I have been a prisoner of a low RESPECT LEVEL for most of my life … valuing other people more than myself, putting their needs first … but I firmly believe we are all valuable in our own unique ways and that when we discover what those ways are, we create the best life for our self and therefore have our best self to share with the world … and that together, there is nothing that will stop us from finally breaking free so we can create a better world … the likes of which has not yet been seen in humanity’s time.

So, what is holding you prisoner? Or are you one of the fortunate few already free?

Regardless, bravo to you, for making the changes you need to be who you are destined to be!

February 15, 2014

Kaitlin A. Trepanier
http://www.kaitlinatrepanier.com

All Rights Reserved by DARK HORSES PRODUCTIONS/KAITLIN A. TREPANIER, Getting YOU the RESPECT YOU Want … Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE Developer, Author, Speaker, Playwright, Altruistic Entrepreneur, and Human Rights Activist <strong … because every child … every person … should know, by their own experience, they are valued … RESPECTED.

Connecting “Prejudice” … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE … Special Feature “Scientific American’s Our Unconscious Mind” Article

As with any word people can have variations on a word’s definition, but a word like prejudice is fairly straightforward. Its spelling defines its meaning. Prejudice is simply our act of pre-judging something … a person, place, experience, belief, etc., but history and the present show globally how we perceive some prejudices as small and acceptable and some as big and unacceptable, all of which are dependent on a number of variables … most of them harmful and even dangerous.

However, based on the Connecting the Dots … with the RESPECT PRINCIPLE, our prejudice variables are greatly influenced by our internalized and our community’s externalized RESPECT LEVEL.

Before proceeding, let’s keep in mind that most of what drives our unconscious thoughts and actions is a deep, negative, global conditioning I call the Disrespect Philosophy … the core belief that no one is worthy or entitled to be valued … respected … without some qualifier … without someone’s or some stamp of approval by some group … and this is the root of both our small and big prejudices … and fortuitously the January 2014 Scientific American confirms my premise that our unconscious mind drives more of our thoughts and actions than perhaps we care to acknowledge … Check this out

Journal of Scientific American
January 2014 (Psychology)

Our Unconscious Mind
Article Pages 30-37

By John A. Bargh, a professor of psychology at Yale University. His Automaticity in Cognition, Motivation and Evaluation Lab at Yale investigates unconscious influences on behavior and questions such as to the extent of what free will exists.

Unconscious impulses and desires impel what we think and do in ways Freud never dreamed of.

IN BRIEF (4 boxes on bottom of page 32)

DECISION MAKING often occurs without people giving much conscious thought to how they vote, what they buy, where they go on vacation or the way they negotiate a myriad of other life choices.

UNCONSCIOUS PROCESSES underlie the way we deliberate and plan our lives – and for good reason. Automatic judgments, for one, are essential for dodging on oncoming car or bus.

BEHAVIORS governed by the unconscious go beyond looking both ways at the corner. Embedded attitudes below the level of awareness shape many of our attitudes toward others.

SIGMUND FREUD meditated on the meaning of the unconscious throughout his career. These newer studies provide a more pragmatic perspective on how we relate to a boss or spouse.

When psychologists try to understand the way our mind works, they frequently come to a conclusion that may seem startling: people often make decisions without having given them much thought – or, more precisely, before they have thought about them consciously. When we decide how to vote, what to buy, where to go on vacation and myriad other things, unconscious thoughts that we are not even aware of typically play a big role. Research has recently brought to light just how profoundly our unconscious mind shapes our day-to-day interactions. Page 32

Post-Freudian psychology has set aside the id and the ego for a more pragmatic take on what defines our unconscious self. Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman has described the modern distinction between the automatic and the controlled. In his best-selling book, Thinking Fast and Slow
… Top left column, page 33

The unconscious way we perceive people during the course of the day is a reflexive action. We must exert wilful, conscious effort to put aside the unexplained and sometimes unwarranted negative feelings that we may harbor towards others. The stronger the unconscious influence, the harder we have to work consciously to overcome it … The ability to regulate our own behavior-whether making friends, getting up to speed at a new job or overcoming a drinking problem-depends on more than genes, temperament and social support networks. It also hinges, in no small measure, on our capacity to identify and try to overcome the automatic impulses and emotions that in influence every aspect of our waking life. To make our way in the world, we need to learn to come to terms with our unconscious self. Mid-page of page 33

GUT REACTIONS
When we meet someone new, we form a first impression even before striking up a conversation. We may observe the person’s race, sex or age-features that, once perceived, automatically connect to our internalized stereotypes about how members of a particular group are apt to behave. These assumptions … Bottom left column, page 33

CHECK OUT the COLOR TEST on the top right column of page 33

OUT OF CONTROL
Unconscious thoughts and feelings influence not only the way we perceive ourselves and the world around us but also our everyday actions. Bottom right page 34

EMBODIED COGNITION
Some of the research on the unconscious and behavior focuses on the way the surrounding physical environment influences our psychological state of mind. Bottom left page 36

Why Some Social Science Studies Fail on top of page 34
…Still, the overall body of evidence collected so far clearly shows that unconscious influences on judgment, emotion, behavior and motivation are of practical importance both to society as a whole and to the everyday lives of its members.

FREUD REDUX
… that means we can set aside antiquated notions of Oedipus complexes and accept the reality that the unconscious assets its presence in every moment of our lives, when we are fully awake as well as when we are absorbed in the depths of a dream.

NOW AVAILABLE online or you can watch the author talk about how the unconscious affects our behaviors at ScientificAmerican.com/jan2014/unconscious

In the end, prejudice, like unhealthy competition, compels us to constantly judge others in contrast to ourselves. When people do not mirror us and our beliefs, we pre-judge them as unworthy or wrong or even dangerous because people with low RESPECT LEVELS believe other people must be like them in order to be approved, to feel safe with and therefore worthy of respect in their interactions with them.

To end what was, awareness is the beginning, but a global culture shift in our driving unconscious Disrespect Philosophy is ultimately the change agent we need to create a better world for all life to thrive.

February 9 and 11, 2014

Kaitlin A. Trepanier
http://www.kaitlinatrepanier.com

All Rights Reserved by DARK HORSES PRODUCTIONS/KAITLIN A. TREPANIER, Getting YOU the RESPECT YOU Want … Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE Developer, Author, Speaker, Playwright, Altruistic Entrepreneur, and Human Rights Activist … because every child … every person … should know, by their own experience, they are valued … RESPECTED.

Connecting “Competition” … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE

What does competition mean to you? Does it mean succeeding at all costs? Does it mean feeling bad about one’s self when one doesn’t win? Does it mean a constant comparison to other people? Does it mean strained relationships because you are trying to just be who you really are and other people are still caught up in competing with you because they do not yet believe in the value of themselves as they really are?

Based on the Connecting the Dots … with the RESPECT PRINCIPLE, our definition of competition and one’s success will be based on our internalized RESPECT LEVEL.

Before proceeding, let’s keep in mind that most of what drives our unconscious or subconscious thoughts and actions is a deep, negative, global conditioning I call the Disrespect Philosophy … the core belief that no one is worthy or entitled to be valued … respected … without some qualifier … without someone’s or some stamp of approval by some group … and this is the root of unhealthy competition.

Unhealthy competition is a drive that compels us to constantly compare ourselves to others. When people do not reflect us and our beliefs, we judge them to be above or below us. If above, we try to be something we are not … something that does not feel natural to us nor does it make us feel good about ourselves and since we will not measure up, we will seek ways, mostly in our minds, but some people act out their thoughts and feelings, to knock our “competitor” down to our own level … or below. If we judge someone as below us, we ignore them completely or treat them as less valuable or worse.

People with a high RESPECT LEVEL know competition between ourselves and others does not really exist because the only person we can truly compete with is our self. We know we are unique individuals and our only real challenge is discovering, expressing and refining our unique qualities, gifts, talents … strengths. Sometimes that translates into our winning a prize or special recognition or being selected for a job, etc., but often mostly translates into how we choose to live our daily lives.

With a high RESPECT LEVEL, competition is not seen as a drive to be better than another, but about being the best we can be, about doing the best we can … and letting the results not be viewed as failure, but just as an experience … an experience we can appreciate, learn from or let go of in order to move forward.

There really are no losers or winners if we are all doing our best to be who we really are underneath all the external expectations. We were created as beautiful, unique beings, with our own unique gifts, talents and abilities to discover, develop and share. Do this one thing and we win every day of our lives … and so does the world we share with the rest of the beautiful, unique beings who need to be taught how not to be carbon copies of others, but to be who they really are too.

A high RESPECT LEVEL a win win for us all

February 3, 2014

Kaitlin A. Trepanier
http://www.kaitlinatrepanier.com

All Rights Reserved by DARK HORSES PRODUCTIONS/KAITLIN A. TREPANIER, Getting YOU the RESPECT YOU Want … Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE Developer, Author, Speaker, Playwright, Altruistic Entrepreneur, and Human Rights Activist … because every child … every person … should know, by their own experience, they are valued … RESPECTED.