Consequences of Controlling and Sterilizing Children’s Play

“When my daughter was about 10, my husband suddenly realized that in her whole life, she had probably not spent more than 10 minutes unsupervised by an adult. Not 10 minutes in 10 years.”

“In the real world, life is filled with risks—financial, physical, emotional, social—and reasonable risks are essential for children’s healthy development.”

“Now our working assumption is that children cannot be trusted to find their way around tricky physical or social and emotional situations.”

“… watched as one by one the playgrounds in her neighborhood were transformed into sterile, boring places. Sandseter had written her master’s dissertation on young teens and their need for sensation and risk; she’d noticed that if they couldn’t feed that desire in some socially acceptable way, some would turn to more-reckless behavior. She wondered whether a similar dynamic might take hold among younger kids as playgrounds started to become safer and less interesting.”

“Children, she concluded, have a sensory need to taste danger and excitement; this doesn’t mean that what they do has to actually be dangerous, only that they feel they are taking a great risk. That scares them, but then they overcome the fear.”

“Even today, growing up is a process of managing fears and learning to arrive at sound decisions … but if they never go through that process, the fear can turn into a phobia.”

Excerpts from “The Overprotected Kid”

by Hanna Rossin in The Atlantic, March 20, 2014

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/the-overprotected-kid-573320270

Shared by …

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Founder Social Entrepreneur Author Artist Speaker

www.connectingthedotswiththerespectprinciple.com

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2018

December 5, 2018

 

Advertisements

How To Lose A Good Credit Rating, Even Go Bankrupt … Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Divorce, Unrequited Love, Parental Care, Poverty Wages … A PERSONAL STORY and SHARED NYT ARTICLE

The attached New York Times articles packs a punch of information for us to comprehend  why many older Americans (and Canadians) are filing for bankruptcy and what we can do to prevent it for ourselves.

But there are a few other precursor reasons not mentioned in the article.

For me, they include other key influencing factors. such as the post traumatic stress I experienced in my thirties. Until then, I had mostly been able to suppress the memories and their related emotions, but they finally pushed their way to the surface in my life with such force I had to seek help.

With the means, an employee benefit, to work with a psychologist to help me process and with the consequences of the sexual abuse, abuse, bullying, and violence I experienced earlier in my life, great change resulted.

Not only did I begin the healing process from my experiences, with the bad memories came the good. I began rediscovering me … my unique talents, gifts, and dreams. Unfortunately, they did not fit in with my established relationships, including a marriage of over fifteen years. My then husband just wanted things … and me to stay the same. After all, between us we were pulling in over one hundred thousand dollars a year, co-owned with the bank a suburb home, drove two vehicles, ate out often, camped in Algonquin every summer, and did some international traveling.

I wanted to get out of debt by selling the house and moving into an apartment so I could explore different career paths as a writer.

It was not his fault. He thought what he was getting as a wife was the person I had become in order to be safe and accepted.

It really was not my fault either because I really did not know what else to do, until many years later. And to tell you the truth, it’s been a long, arduous journey of healing.

But back to the story …

I tried to go back to being what he wanted. Took a considerably less paying job that left me more free time to write. However, it’s funny/sad how things turn out. I met a co-worker who liked me as the poet, the writer, etc. For the first time I was being me and someone else thought I was cool.

Still teetering on the edge of healing, without planning, I bolted out of my marriage and secure home into an apartment. Within a few years, I had made a mess of things and was in an even worse state emotionally than I had ever been. Confidence and hope was gone. People were disappointed and angry with me. I was broke, had to sell my car, and eventually decided my only way out was bankruptcy.

Wrong.

But in the state I was in, I could not handle the hounding calls of people wanting the money I had used to make up for the low wages I was working for and I could not see myself going back to what I had been doing before.

I wanted to take a different path. I also needed to get away from the need of people’s approval. Of course, as wounded as I was, along the way, I made other bad choices in jobs I took and people I let into my life, but I was determined to make it on my own.

The good news I stayed out of debt, living on what I earned and/or bartered.

That is, until in 2011 I discovered my Dad needed me for the last few years of his life.

With both of us unprepared financially to deal with health and care challenges, I had to go into debt, around fifteen thousand dollars, to live in his town, be his driver, 24-hour on-call support that also resulted in my not being able to work, and having to move into my brother’s basement.

During the last few extremely stressful and painful years of his life, the hounding calls pummeled my stretched nerves as well as used up my cell phone time I needed to receive calls from Dad’s residences.

In March 2015, Dad finally stopped fighting and chose peace.

The toll on my health was extreme. Two years were needed to catch up on the rest I needed for my body and mind to be restored. The last year has been about resuming the work, Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle, I had started in 2014 before Dad’s life took a major turn for the worse.

Now, it’s time for me to move back into the mainstream of things. Move out of the friend’s place I have stayed the past two years by working for her to pay my keep. It is time to return to Toronto to live and work so I can pay my debts, rather than file for bankruptcy, plus to write and build my company when I am not working for others.

I can and will do this. I have always been able to do well at whatever I take on, but what I have had to learn most is to respect myself enough to look at all the options and make the best choices for me and those I impact.

No, I will not file for bankruptcy. Yes, my credit rating will be restored. And no, just because I was impoverished does not mean I did criminal acts. On the contrary, as my Respect Level has risen, I am proud of how strong, innovative, adaptable, and resilient I have become in getting my needs met … without any criminal or disrespectful acts. Yes, I am moving back to Toronto to earn above-poverty wages. Yes, I will work for someone else until my debts are paid, I am a successful writer and/or my own company is profitable enough to support me and my company’s goals.

The next step is up to the employer who sees me for all I am … one of the best employees you will ever have because I won’t accept a job just to work, but because I believe the job is the best fit for both of us … because I look forward to helping you too.

Respectfully,

Kaitlin

Kaitlin Ann Trepanier

CONNECTING THE DOTS WITH THE RESPECT PRINCIPLE

Founder Entrepreneur Author Artist and Speaker  

© All Rights Reserved 2018                           

NOTE: Kaitlin’s Smashwords interview and Ebooks available at www.smashwords.com

 August 15, 2018

 Link to article …

 

 

 

When A Parent Dies

No matter what kind of relationship we have or don’t have with a parent, everything changes when a parent dies.

Dad in Washington, DC Cropped Image

My dad, Oscar John Trepanier, who passed away three years ago today, had a complex relationship with me though he was not a complex man. Forces beyond his awareness or control shaped the choices he would make that caused him to regret a lot of his life.

Thrown together by circumstances in his last several years, our relationship finally found an even keel and we could see each other more clearly as the individuals we had been and were becoming.

Being his personal care manager and part-time support worker, on call 24 hours a day, was one of the most stressful and challenging times of my life, but because of the healthy, happy changes in our relationship, I would not change a thing.

Even the fifteen thousand dollars debt I incurred so I could be available for him to meet his care needs and to provide him with things and experiences to make his quality of life better than it could have been, I would do again.

Why? Because no matter what happened and didn’t happen between us, he was my dad.

As for me, I knew it was just going to be a matter of time before I would clear up the debt and get my own finances in good shape, even better than ever before. Another valuable lesson taught to me by my dad … learning from his mistakes created by his low “Respect Level” for his self for reasons he did not understand and therefore could not control … but I do and will, breaking a chain, or what the Bible calls a generational curse.

Thank you Dad. Miss you and pray you are finally at rest peacefully.

Your eldest daughter,

Kaitlin, once known as Debra

March 20, 2018

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Advocate Innovator Entrepreneur Founder Author Artist Speaker

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

©All Rights Reserved 2015

 

 

 

 

EI COMPASSIONATE CARE … From 6 Weeks to 6 Months … What a Difference It Would Have Made 2 Years Ago!

Critics are saying Canada’s new federal budget is basically a propaganda budget that makes lots of promises that will be fulfilled … if the conservatives are re-elected in September of 2015.

However, there is one particular item that I am extremely grateful they have recognized needed to changed … Employment Insurance Compassionate Care.

Two winters ago I had to quit a part-time job I had been doing for a year and a half to be physically close to Dad when he was still venturing out on his own. At the time, I was also working on securing book publication. Two publishers, one American and one Canadian, were interested just on the book proposal for Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE. One other American publisher was also interested in my novel, DARK HORSES.

Dad’s transition from living at home to a retirement home and then into a nursing home was not a smooth one because we quickly discovered how few minutes personal support workers were allowed to give to each resident … regardless of their needs. The net result was the residences’ demands someone be available to help with Dad … to engage him throughout the day and into the evening … and to also be on 24-hour alert for such calls and for the number emergency room visits.

Without going into the whole scenario here … though I am writing a paper or book on the past three and a half years … it became clear that focusing on the publication offers would provide me with the flexibility I needed to be on hand for Dad.

However, after discovering the publishing interest meant I would only see about 10% of the book’s price and that the publishers expected me to do most of the marketing and sales promotion that would reduce my profit below the 10% because of the additional costs, plus their limited vision to see how the additional books, products, and services that I already envisioned and in some cases, had created, could enhance the core book’s sales to also serve the my bigger altruistic and entrepreneurial vision, plus the timeline meant months later what money I did have was long gone and credit had to be maxed out just to survive.

But living on credit did not last long, because the high cost of living in a “hydro” town, working part-time, and paying for things such as gas to drive Dad around in his car had already ramped up debt above the five hundred dollar debt I had moved back to town with the year and half prior … all of which did a number on a previously good credit rating the next few years … which I am in the process of rectifying.

Rent became an issue and I was forced to move into my brother’s basement by mid April. I then heard about Compassionate Care and worked with what then was a once-a-week government office to apply for the six week Employment Insurance Compassionate Care benefit … though at the time, the government person did not suggest I apply for what turned out was the regular Employment Insurance I was entitled to … but I am jumping ahead of myself.

With no money to pay rent or buy food, I reluctantly applied for what I thought was a summer job at a local market while I waited for the EICC benefit. They both arrived in the same month, June of 2013. This job, however, paid almost 3 dollars less an hour, just .25 over minimum wage and required the purchase of special shoes and clothing.

What I was not expecting was a strong physical allergic reaction to chemicals I had to use for cleaning … even stronger than the cleaners I had to use occasionally at the previous job. What I was hoping was that my shifts would in the mornings when I was least called by Dad’s residence, but unfortunately, on the weekends I was often slated to work afternoons and evenings … alone … which meant when the calls started coming in that Dad had been taken to the Wingham hospital for stitches in his head, I had to leave a department devoid of any staff … which as a very conscientious employee troubled me as did what my Dad was going through.

By late August, with a ring of rash around my ankles and lower legs that did not abate, plus the increasing number of falls my Dad was having, I gave my notice to the company, unaware that when I was hired they were expecting me to stay beyond the summer.

By November with money an issue again, I went back to the government office and discovered I had been since the previous spring entitled over half a year’s Employment Insurance benefits … so I applied. I had been told the government could pay retroactively, but the government denied my request and also the appeal. They would only pay from the time I filed till the end of the period which was a couple of months’ benefits versus over half a year’s benefits.

Another January and February arrived as did the quandary. Applying for most local jobs meant not being available when needed for Dad or having to repeatedly leave employers in the lurch when I had to leave for Dad. The search for other options meant looking at the idea of leaving the area, but that idea did not seem right at all. And the search for jobs I could do remotely on the Internet did not pan out either, so I was back in the position of no income again.

Stuck between a rock and a hard place, leaning too much on my brother for food and shelter, resulted in my dragging my feet and hung head to the social assistance office. The good news was I could start paying my brother some rent and I could buy some real food, but by this time I had been running so low on everything, things were very lean.

The great discovery though was the government-sponsored business start-up program and funding available for those who met the criteria. I attended the information workshops with my goal of launching my company that would not only provide the creative works, but would also manage the publishing and distribution of the books, products, and services … s0 things were looking up … though I was not sure how I would be able to commit to all the workshops I had to attend in Owen Sound … yet still be available … again for Dad.

If, like the Compassionate Care benefits, I had known about this two years before, when I had Dad’s car to drive and did not have the debt I later incurred, I would have been accepted into the program … but I was declined again, a third time by the government, for another option that would have lifted me out of poverty. I was declined because I had the debt and no equity … which was precipitated by not knowing about the Employment Insurance Compassionate Care benefits sooner, by not knowing and the government not telling I was also entitled to over half a year of Employment Insurance and by not knowing till two years later about the Ontario Self Employment Benefits program.

Dad finally gave up the fight March 20, 2015. Two years of living in a dark basement, eating a lot of unhealthy food bank food and sinking further into allergic problems created by the whole scenario has exacted a hefty price, but one I know I will recover from easily in the next few years once I leave the area that has grown inhospitable because of misunderstanding and prejudice regarding my decisions and choices … misunderstanding and prejudice based on not knowing the details and the big picture of my life, which is one of the reasons I am writing this entry today.

Dad and I had been estranged for years after his second “marriage” and I quickly discovered upon my return he did not have much himself. I also knew I was not in his Will and what little there was would go to his second wife, my brother, and my mom … and I was fine with that because I did not move back and spend the past three and a half years with him for the money … I did it to honour my Dad and to heal our relationship before he left this plane … which I did.

Yet, a blessing is arriving in May. I have been offered some money from another source that will allow me to make the move across country I have longed to do for eighteen years plus serve as start-up funding for my company, which is still currently registered as a sole proprietorship under my own name.

Why I have written all this … to share the “facts” of my story for all the speculators and to inform you of what no one told me about … the Employment Insurance Compassionate Care benefits our government has realized is greatly needed … to prevent the financial injury caused by Dad’s health care needs not met by the seniors’ care facilities and funding … plus the denial three times of benefits that would have prevented the deep slide into debt.

Do not wait for someone to tell you or to find out by word-of-mouth … research and learn now what you may need to know in the future for your loved ones and your own quality of life … because you never know what life is going to challenge you with and though we cannot be prepared for everything, we can demonstrate the initiative to let others know we are just as valuable … entitled to the respect some try to reserve for the few.

Best wishes to your loved ones and you.

As for me, I have a life to rebuild, a cross-country journey to make, and a company to grow.

April 23, 2015

KAITLIN A. TREPANIER

Freeing “Potential” with Education, Entertainment, and Inspiration with the global initiative and core book Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE … because every child … every person … should know, by their own experience, they are valued … RESPECTED.

© All rights reserved 2014.

Putting Your Life in the Hands of Another …

None of us know what challenges life is going to present us with, but unfortunately people with low Respect Levels make choices equal to their Respect Level and the influences that shape their choices.

For example, with a high Respect Level the Power of Attorney choice such a person would make would be based not on a person’s worldly success, but on the Respect Level of the person … so that when the time comes to make difficult choices … when time is needed for your POA to be with you … or to say or do whatever you need from your POA as your voice, you trust they know you well, share your philosophy or at least support your philosophy and your wishes … and will be available to commit to the time needed to help you when you need them most.

Even then, POA choices can be made, but life is ever-changing … people move away, overwhelming challenges arise for them, etc. and what were once considered good choices turn into not-so-very-good-choices. The good news is while you are still able, you can change your POA … and you should not delay because once you are no longer capable of speaking for yourself, your Power of Attorney cannot be changed. It is finite.

The only other option, here in Ontario, Canada anyway, is someone who is there for you in ways the POA is not can appeal to the courts to secure “Guardianship of the Person” but of course the process is timely and costly … so you are better off to pick people, who may not even be family, to be your voice when yours is no longer heard or listened to anymore. Make sure there is flexibility, ability to delegate, and even the funds set aside to appoint a Guardianship of the Person in case something goes wrong or does not work out with the appointed Powers of Attorneys. I would also caution that the finances from property and for care not be transferable to the POAs upon the death of whom they represent, but if they are willed to the POAs, that the money to be held in trust for a period of years to ensure the extreme … protection from physical harm … and neglect so that the primary directive of Power of Attorneys are care … not the acquisition of someone’s assets, but the devoted care of the person. Of course, that is the worst case scenario, but it is also the more common scenario since our global Respect Level is so low.

The resulting dilemma is also the challenge of what it can cost someone to be someone’s POA or Guardianship of the Person if there are time-consuming challenges and a long life after someone becomes dependent.

The past few years managing my Dad’s day-to-day needs and serving as the primary contact and liaison has revealed to me just how vulnerable we are when we sign our lives over to other people. And that even though there may be no intent to harm, there just may not be enough time in a POA’s life to provide the care and respect we all want … and deserve as individual people … especially during the most difficult time of our lives. Unprepared as I was financially to serve in this role, which I gladly and gratefully have done because it has brought me back to a relationship with my dad, also set me back significantly financially, including my inability to commit to a traditional regular steady job; however, the challenge has forced to look to the Internet for non-traditional income generation as well as additional research into yet another way we need to Connect the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE to make the world a better place for us all to live … respectfully and lovingly … all the days of our lives.

Till then, I urge caution please … investigate your local laws … and raise your own Respect Level by writing not only your Will, but also investigating and carefully considering the people you ask to be there for you legally … because your life, and its quality, will depend on the Respect Level of your choices. Otherwise, until we raise our world’s Respect Levels, unnecessary, neglectful, and often even cruel things do happen to those who have placed their lives into the hands of those who may initially had good intentions when they agreed, but whose reality conflicts with needs of their new, vulnerable dependent.

December 16, 2014

Kaitlin Ann Trepanier
The RESPECT SPECIALIST … Advocate Author Playwright Director Speaker Publisher Entrepreneur

CONNECT … with RESPECT! ORDER
Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE NOW … because every child … every person … should know, by their own experience, they are valued … RESPECTED. © All rights reserved 2014.

Parental Care Setback = Site Re-Construction Delay

Hello.

My apologies for the lack of postings and the blog site re-construction, but an emergency and its resulting events regarding my father’s care has taken my focus away from this work, but this week I will be getting back to the site, fuelled even more by the highly disrespectful and maybe even unlawful way my Dad was treated this week. In fact, the research I need to do surrounding what happened to him this week may demonstrate in yet another way just how low our cultural “Respect Level” is for our seniors.

Thank you.

December 13, 2014

Kaitlin Ann Trepanier
The RESPECT SPECIALIST … Advocate Author Playwright Director Speaker Publisher Entrepreneur

CONNECT … with RESPECT! ORDER Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE NOW … because every child … every person … should know, by their own experience, they are valued … RESPECTED. © All rights reserved 2014.

Raising the RESPECT LEVEL in Long-Term Care (Nursing) Homes for Seniors

Just finished an Urgent Call for Immediate Action letter addressed to both Ministers of Health, Canada, Rona Ambrose and Ontario, Deb Matthews. Emailed the letter to the local Huron-Bruce MPP Lisa Thompson’s office and they will forward it to their contact … who will get it to the people … who will get it to the Ministers.

Thanks to all for your help and patience while I researched the protocol for managing the care of residents’ hearing aids, eyewear and other personal devices in long-term care homes so I could provide some viable solutions to increase the RESPECT LEVEL of care of our seniors … catalyzed by the need to prevent the loss and damage to our Dad’s replacement hearing aid arriving in the next few weeks … that will replace the two lost and damaged aids (value $4000.00) in January. Still working on getting his eyeglasses (value $273) replaced if his benefit will allow access to the remaining $127 of his two-year benefit … which I hope, hope, hope.

February 26, 2014

Kaitlin A. Trepanier
http://www.kaitlinatrepanier.com

All Rights Reserved by DARK HORSES PRODUCTIONS/KAITLIN A. TREPANIER, Getting YOU the RESPECT YOU Want … Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE Author, Writer, Playwright, Poet, Lyricist, Artist, Advocate, Speaker, Researcher, Analyst, Developer, Project Specialist, Creative Director, Founder … because every child … every person … should know, by their own experience, they are valued … RESPECTED.