The BENEFITS of KNOWING “LOVE LANGUAGE” for Relationships, Including With One’s Children

“Child psychologists affirm that every child has certain basic emotional needs that must be met if he is to be emotionally stable. Among these emotional needs, none is more basic than the need for love and affection, the need to sense that he or she belongs and is wanted … Without that love, he or she will be emotionally and socially challenged.”
 
“Inside every child is an “emotional tank” waiting to be filled with love . When a child really feels loved, he will develop normally, but when the love tank is empty, the child will misbehave. Much of the misbehavior of children is motivated by the cravings of an empty “love tank” Dr. Ross Campbell.”
 
“As I listened, I thought of the hundreds of parents who had paraded the misdeeds of their children through my office, I had never visualized an empty love tank inside those children, but I certainly seen the results of it. Their misbehavior was a misguided search for the love they did not feel. They were seeking love in all the wrong places and in all the wrong ways.”
Excerpts from pages 23 and 24 of Gary Chapman’s book.
Like Ashley’s mother and stepfather, my parents provided for my physical needs, but they did not understand my deep emotional struggle because they did not speak my primary love language, which was also complicated by my personality type that is estimated to only be 3-5% of the American population, which includes my less common learning and communication style. Because of my experience and the consequences, I am sharing Gary’s marriage counseling wisdom to help people keep love alive in a marriage and in all relationships, including relationships with one’s children.

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Founder Social Entrepreneur Author Artist Speaker

www.connectingthedotswiththerespectprinciple.com

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2018

October 25, 2018

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A Hard Lesson, I Know From Experience, But Definitely Worth Learning

The more broken a person, the less likely he or she is to know or admit they are. This work reveals many consequences of one’s brokenness, the lack of knowledge about the impact brokenness manifests, and the often exaggerated egos developed to cope with the negative self-view shapes families, communities, workplaces, nations, and globally far more than humanity wants to acknowledge, yet once acknowledged has the power to change for the good.

Description of the upcoming new book …

Broken People Break People

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Founder President Author Speaker Artist

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

©All Rights Reserved 2015

January 19, 2018

 

You pick … Putin, Napolean, Hitler, Caesar … from the history of “takers”

Taking what is not yours shows the disrespect you have for life … others and yours.

Taking by violent force what is not yours reveals the violence in your heart.

What was done to you, is what you do … until you know better … until you finally believe that you are valuable all on your own, without what you own defining you.

All the countries, people and possessions you think you own, in fact own you because you need them to feel valued … respected in a world still unconsciously driven by the Disrespect Philosophy where we are taught none of us are valuable unless someone or some group says we are by meeting their standards, qualifications, expectations …

When you finally stand in the truth of who you are as a unique individual with a high RESPECT LEVEL, you will no longer need to possess what is not yours, but instead will take the best care of your own self … and in that way, you will serve … and as a result … receive as a gift what you desire … instead of having to steal what is not yours to have.

March 26, 2014

Kaitlin A. Trepanier
http://www.kaitlinatrepanier.com

All Rights Reserved by DARK HORSES PRODUCTIONS/KAITLIN A. TREPANIER … CREATIVE WRITER, ADVOCATE, and PROJECT SPECIALIST responsible for the creation of the global initiative Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE … because every child … every person … should know, by their own experience, they are valued … RESPECTED.

Raising the RESPECT LEVEL in Long-Term Care (Nursing) Homes for Seniors

Just finished an Urgent Call for Immediate Action letter addressed to both Ministers of Health, Canada, Rona Ambrose and Ontario, Deb Matthews. Emailed the letter to the local Huron-Bruce MPP Lisa Thompson’s office and they will forward it to their contact … who will get it to the people … who will get it to the Ministers.

Thanks to all for your help and patience while I researched the protocol for managing the care of residents’ hearing aids, eyewear and other personal devices in long-term care homes so I could provide some viable solutions to increase the RESPECT LEVEL of care of our seniors … catalyzed by the need to prevent the loss and damage to our Dad’s replacement hearing aid arriving in the next few weeks … that will replace the two lost and damaged aids (value $4000.00) in January. Still working on getting his eyeglasses (value $273) replaced if his benefit will allow access to the remaining $127 of his two-year benefit … which I hope, hope, hope.

February 26, 2014

Kaitlin A. Trepanier
http://www.kaitlinatrepanier.com

All Rights Reserved by DARK HORSES PRODUCTIONS/KAITLIN A. TREPANIER, Getting YOU the RESPECT YOU Want … Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE Author, Writer, Playwright, Poet, Lyricist, Artist, Advocate, Speaker, Researcher, Analyst, Developer, Project Specialist, Creative Director, Founder … because every child … every person … should know, by their own experience, they are valued … RESPECTED.

Mental Health … or Just Broken Hearts and Spirits?

Science has shown that depression, in time, actually manifests itself in people’s brains and bodies, affecting the chemicals in our brains that motivate or de-motivate us.

The “key” to consider I believe is the “in time” label.

First, let us remember that some people are born with the chemical imbalance that causes depression and its often disastrous side effects, particularly suicide.

But let’s also consider how people not born with the chemical brain imbalance become depressed.

In a world constantly affirming that no one is entitled to respect … to be valued … unless someone in authority says so … people becoming depressed is easy to understand.

When a child is taught by their experience, as the majority of children are based on the results generated from the beginning till now, that their “value’ is determined by others’ thoughts and expectations, such a child loses his or her identity in the process of pleasing others to gain their respect … to feel valued … and therefore safe, protected … but relying on others not only will disappoint children, but also in reality also has the potential to cause great harm and severe danger, including death by violence, suicide or murder.

The training tool employed by the Disrespect Philosophy unconsciously driving our world is the repetitive “breaking” of hearts and spirits. Some people call the effect depression; something wrong that becomes wrong or broken in people’s minds but both my own experience and my research indicate otherwise. Both indicate the precursor to the level of depression that creates havoc with a life has more to do with the repetitive damage done to a person’s heart and spirit … and if not healed, opens the path for depression to sink into the cells of one’s brain and body.

In other words, the real mental health challenge is not depression, but its root cause, disrespect.

For some people depression that has been inside one too long needs to be treated with medication as well as the personal work to discover the damage done to one’s heart and spirit and to heal so one can move forward; however, what I found the most helpful was the discovery of where and when, the personal journey to heal … that increased my RESPECT LEVEL to a high enough level …. so I could reclaim my identity … and then to a higher RESPECT LEVEL that resulted in my reconnecting with my spirituality … all of which finally resulted in my experiencing the peace nothing else generated in my fifty plus years, along with the confidence, courage and direction to finally move upward and forward.

Family and friends thought I lost “it” twenty years ago when I walked away from everything and everyone I knew. What no one seemed to understand or wanted to hear was I had not lost my mind, but instead my heart and spirit had lost the desire to use my mind … that is the difference between depression and a nervous breakdown from a brokenness deep in the core of one’s self.

Science is a great tool and methodology to help us understand ourselves and our world, but like all things and fields of study, science is only a part of the big picture. Labels are created to help us understand our differences and each other, but labelling in itself quickly becomes prejudicial in a world still driven by the unconscious belief we are only as valuable as we are labelled … worthy of respect, worthy of being valued or worthy of being rejected, abandoned, denied, reshaped, conformed … etc.

In light of this train of thought, perhaps we can re-consider the stigma attached to mental health for what it is too … yet another level of prejudice created by the Disrespect Philosophy’s premise … no one is valuable unless someone in authority … decides someone is worthy.

The question begged then is the Disrespect Philosophy and its fallout problems of broken hearts, broken spirits and eventually the mental health problems, including depression what we want to serve as our legacy?

February 21, 2014

Kaitlin A. Trepanier
http://www.kaitlinatrepanier.com

All Rights Reserved by DARK HORSES PRODUCTIONS/KAITLIN A. TREPANIER, Getting YOU the RESPECT YOU Want … Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE Author, Writer, Playwright, Poet, Lyricist, Artist, Advocate, Speaker, Researcher, Analyst, Developer, Project Specialist, Creative Director, Founder … because every child … every person … should know, by their own experience, they are valued … RESPECTED.

Lobbying for “Person-Centred Care” for higher RESPECT LEVEL care in long-term (nursing) care homes

Friday, February 14, 2014, CTV’s W5 presented an 8 minute video presenting the “Person-Centred Care” model that the Sherbrooke Community Centre in Saskatoon, Manitoba, Canada uses in its daily care that is proving particularly successful in dealing with the violence resulting from Dementia patients’ acting out their fear and frustration from being forced to do what they don’t want to do or are frightened of doing. My comment posted on CTV’s website and in the next paragraph explains why I am lobbying for the “Person-Centred Care” for higher RESPECT LEVEL care in long-term (nursing) homes.

For the past two years, I’ve been dedicated to helping my Dad with his Alzheimer and Dementia care needs. Over medication and medication side effects first turned him into a drooling zombie, then almost killed him by disorienting him to the degree he got lost and was not reported missing at mealtime and would have died from hypothermia if a local family hadn’t found him on their property and then after the introduction of another drug in a new residence, he fell over 25 times because he could not rest even when exhausted because of the severe agitation and restlessness that prevented him from sitting in a wheelchair when he was tired. Several of his falls resulted in sutures and staples to his head plus he fell into and broke a window. Since he was moved to another home late October and was taken off that drug, he has only had a few falls and is even more lucid than before medication was prescribed to him. After seeing this video, I will be using it and Sherbrooke’s logical, practical and compassionate care model while I lobby for this personal care model, in partnership with my local MPP.

Read more: http://www.ctvnews.ca/w5/saskatoon-care-home-offers-unique-approach-for-residents-with-dementia-1.1686936/comments-7.485425#ixzz2tmg2VvTf

Because after all … shouldn’t all care be “person-centred care?”

February 19, 2014

Kaitlin A. Trepanier
http://www.kaitlinatrepanier.com

All Rights Reserved by DARK HORSES PRODUCTIONS/KAITLIN A. TREPANIER, Getting YOU the RESPECT YOU Want … Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE Author, Writer, Playwright, Poet, Lyricist, Artist, Advocate, Speaker, Researcher, Analyst, Developer, Project Specialist, Creative Director, Founder … because every child … every person … should know, by their own experience, they are valued … RESPECTED.

Truth or Deception? I would not change a thing because …

Many of have heard people say or perhaps we have said the words ourselves, “I would not change a thing in my life because of what I have learned and the results in my life now.”

I used to believe this too, though now I call this thinking a fallacy because of a question that arose … does this kind of thinking empower us to make our world and the world-at-large a better place so we all thrive? Or are we just continuing to accept this hand-me-down mentality and passing its limitations onto the next generations?

After considering this mindset extensively I realize this perspective is yet another deception the Disrespect Philosophy creates to keep us small, with little expectation or hope, repeating the past over and over, instead of empowering us to create significant lasting personal and cultural change.

I will give you my scenario and hopefully as you read this, you will consider yours … from both perspectives.

For years I thought all the very limiting and negative experiences my life was filled with were my fault … including the abuses I experienced as a child … for being misunderstood, different, pre-judged, starving for acceptance and as a result, vulnerable to people who prey, consciously or not, on the vulnerability of the broken-hearted and the broken-spirited with promises that eventually caused me great harm … the dangerous kind of harm that reduces a child’s, a youth’s, an adult’s RESPECT LEVEL to such a low-level one keeps attracting the same level of disrespect from others … reinforcing and reducing one’s RESPECT LEVEL that turns what started out to be a happy, loving being into a negative, frightened being who seeks to hurt first in relationships or runs away or uses habits as distractions.

Then being forced to make changes to survive, I then embraced the idea that I had to go through all I did in life so I could do what I am doing … advocating, writing, creating; however, based on an idea that grew into the premise, Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE. As a result, now I know for years I was being deceived by our global Disrespect Philosophy or if you are a Christian believer, as I am again, you would say it was the Enemy. Because I know this now, I also know this fallacy created yet another deception … another fallacy … the one that still wants me to believe and reinforce by saying, “I would not change a thing in my life because of what I have learned and the results in my life now.”

For now I see through this veil of deception imprisoning most of us.

For in truth, if we lived in a global culture of “Respect for all life,” based on The RESPECT PRINCIPLE, we would bring children into a world where we would have made the “Respect Full” changes to ensure all children would not have to qualify or be approved of in order to receive healthy food, shelter, clothing, medicine, education and if not love, at least RESPECT, the simple recognition that they, as the unique individuals they are, are valued … are valuable … just for being who they are.

In my case, if my parents, family, school, community, province and country had a high enough RESPECT LEVEL for those more different from themselves, they would have sought to discover what personality type I was, what were my primary and secondary communicating and learning styles, what type of learning environment I needed to develop my own identity, boundaries and a healthy RESPECT LEVEL for myself, and as a result, for others, thereby developing to the best ability the social skills to interact well with the world in all my relationships.

But they did not know my personality type thrives on study, research, exploration and then lots of analysis, introspection, problem solving, and creativity. They did not know my personality type’s mind receives vast internal stimulation whereas the majority of people require external stimulation from the world around them to keep them engaged mentally and that when I am in the external world too long, I shutdown to protect myself. But of course, the irony is, shutting down and withdrawing from those people whose brains require vast external stimulation often, because of ignorance, misjudge and mistreat those who withdraw, often taking their withdrawal personally, which ultimately puts those trying to protect themselves in more danger.

They did not know how their ignorance and their demand for 100% conformity broke my heart and my spirit as well as contributed to the harm to my body … inflicted by others and my self because of my low RESPECT LEVEL for myself.

And this is where many people will say, “But look at what you have learned, who you have become … a writer, author, advocate and so much more,” but I say this now, “But look at how much more I could have given to the world, at what a better citizen, student, role model, wife, daughter, sister, friend, supporter, community member I could have been all my life … if I knew from experience I was valued and aided accordingly for who I was and for my unique gifts, talents and abilities. I tell you who I would have been, what I would have done, the life I would have lived … I would have been placed in a Montessori school where self-directed education is best suited for my personality type. I would have received an athletic scholarship for the physical prowess and stamina I inherited from both of my parents. Because of my natural desire to study, I would have a few degrees, would be a lifelong successful author, an altruistic entrepreneur and so much more. I would not have married twice because I would have made better choices for me because I would have known myself better and not tried to get my value through other people whether in relationships or work I did. I would have been more respectful of others … their feelings, their things and I would have enjoyed happier and healthier relationships with my family.

Though this is my story, this is also everyone’s story … just look at our world.

Now that my years of study, research, analysis and problem-solving have revealed the lies and deceptions for what they are, now I am being who I was destined to be, doing what I was destined to do, life is good and my life will one day reflect that good … but if I had grown up in a world with a higher RESPECT LEVEL, my whole life would have bore the fruit of being who I really am … all my life and not just in the last half of my life … and the world I was in contact with during my lifetime would have been better for that experience.

If I could, I would change almost everything about my life, starting with my early years, where in photos I find a happy, joyful, exuberant child ready to explore the world, but since I cannot do it over for me, I am dedicated to shedding the light on the darkness … on the lies and deceptions the Disrespect Philosophy, the Enemy have used to hold us as prisoners.

I hope and pray you will too … it is never too late to be who you are meant to be.

February 17, 2014

Kaitlin A. Trepanier
http://www.kaitlinatrepanier.com

All Rights Reserved by DARK HORSES PRODUCTIONS/KAITLIN A. TREPANIER, Getting YOU the RESPECT YOU Want … Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE Author, Writer, Playwright, Poet, Lyricist, Artist, Advocate, Speaker, Researcher, Analyst, Developer, Project Specialist, Creative Director, Founder … because every child … every person … should know, by their own experience, they are valued … RESPECTED.