“SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL” … Not Just A Movie, But A Movie With An Empowering One Liner

I missed “Some Kind of Wonderful” movie’s release in 1987. In fact, I didn’t see the film until several years later, though I wished I had seen the movie in 1987 as many changes were taking place in my life at that time.

Warning … the next bit could be a spoiler alert if you have not yet seen the film.

Since my teen years were not normal teen years, a drop out at sixteen to marry, I did not experience the high school socialization process, be that a bad or a good thing. Regardless watching films about the high school and college years have helped me to see life differently.

When I finally did see Howard Deutch’s “Some Kind of Wonderful” film I was struck by many things, but particularly the phrase, “I would rather be alone for the right reasons then with someone for the wrong reasons.”

Pow! A truth I had been grappling with over the years was finally conveyed with such clarity, my choices to leave people were finally validated.

Not how I left them  though because I was still tainted by young experiences that had scarred my emotional intelligence deeply, leaving me challenged in all of my personal and professional relationships.

For years I did not understand why at an early age, business owners and managers put me in supervisory and junior management roles, but not higher.

Because of how I have been seeking to understand, change, and grow past my history to stop repeating patterns and mistakes, I even contacted the last business owner I worked for who promoted  me from a part-time seasonal merchandiser to a salaried full-time role.

One of the things he wrote back was something like, “I didn’t understand what happened to you. You had so much potential.”

Now, I had heard that from my parents and a few high school folks before I quit, but after that no one really explained or maybe they tried, but my defensiveness blocked my hearing their good intentions.

But when he wrote back with his words, I knew what he meant. I did not go into a lot of detail, but told him when I was working for his company, I was going through a very difficult time, including a divorce, leaving someone I knew I should not be with in order to just be with someone.

This fact was driven home in me because at that company I met someone who altered my view on what being close to someone could be … should be like.

I would like to say the friendship turned into more, but I had a lot of learning and healing to do. Before I saw “Some Kind of Wonderful” I was just beginning to grasp it truly is better, for everyone, for a person to be alone for the right reasons than being with a person or people for the wrong reasons.

And I have learned this applies not just to our closest relationship with a person, but also applies to those we choose to let in to our inner circles … our personal and our professional circles.

The beauty of that one-line of wisdom in “Some Kind of Wonderful” is when we make the choice to be alone for the right reasons, we set ourselves on a path to discover who we really are BEFORE committing ourselves to a relationship because we learn also how to be alone … which prepares us to really be with someone for all the right reasons.

July 3, 2018

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Human/Animal Rights Activist Social Scientist Founder Entrepreneur Author Artist

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

©All Rights Reserved 2014

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

“The Narrowing of MINDS”

“How do you measure creativity if you never find it in the first place? As mentioned earlier, a concerning gaming glitch I have noticed over the past five to eight years is that youth are progressively less aware of their creative potential. Today, many kids don’t lose the creativity, they never find it.”

“They never become aware of the talent they potentially possess. Instead the “talent” is applied to gaming (and all i-media for that matter). This to me is a great tragedy, not only to the individual but to society as a whole.”

From I-Minds by Mari K. Swingle, page 73. New Society Publishers

On a personal note, my education in the 60’s and 70’s in a farming and industrial community did not make me aware of my talent, but did what it could to suppress any creative talent. The focus was becoming skilled as a worker to get a “real” job. Took me years, many tears, and much pain to correct my perspective about myself and to put myself on the right career track for me.

Whatever might have or is derailing your life, take your life back and do what is yours to do. Say your regrets for not knowing or standing up for yourself … until now … and move on in the most respectful and loving way you can for yourself and others … because being with people for the wrong reasons serves neither of you and in the end, hurts you both more than necessary.

Be bold. Be courageous. Be who you really are! You are worth it!

June 27, 2018

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Human/Animal Rights Activist Social Scientist Founder Entrepreneur Author Artist

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

©All Rights Reserved 2014

 

 

 

 

 

DEALING WITH Criticism, Judgment, and Condemnation

Putting down others is a cultural past time. In fact, sometimes it looks as though criticizing, judging, and condemning others is a recreational sport of sorts.

Ashamedly I confess, I played the condemnation game for a long time. I was quick to point out what was wrong with others and still have to check myself from engaging in the game.

Admittedly, I discovered I played the game because I was taught by experience. I was taught by the experience of others criticizing, judging, and condemning me for my differences, so I got in on the game.

I got so good that before most people could even begin an assault, I had already won and walked away.

Makes for a lonely existence, especially if you don’t want to be surrounded by people playing the same game.

In other words, I had to stop playing the cruel game born of insecurity and fear.

The bad habit was like breaking any addiction. First there was denial. Then justification and rationalization. Some temper tantrums fueled by a lot of anger … at others for the deception and cruelty and at myself for going along with what I knew was wrong … because I knew how it felt to be on the receiving end.

But until I got the help I needed, which for me was research and study, I kept going in circles without much success in dealing with people dishing out and also no longer participating.

Along the way, I discovered who I really was and what I wanted to do.

And wow, though I previously thought I had experienced quite a bit of the three with my non-average personality type made much more complicated by some very traumatic experiences, I really was not prepared for the onslaught being an original would attract.

Even more surprised I was when I started sharing how developing a personal relationship with God through studying the Bible (an amplified version has made it more user-friendly) gave me the courage I needed to keep forging ahead on my unique path.

Lots of psychology books helped me, but since my path of becoming the writer I was meant to be also included what I was experiencing spiritually, I had to turn to other people to stay on track rather than get derailed by those, for whatever their personal reasons are, choose not to believe in God and his desire to be actively engaged in our lives.

Joyce Meyer, an American televangelist reminded me in her book, Trusting God Day By Day, to “Quit Picking On Yourself.” She shares how Paul’s faithfulness (page 63) was questioned and his reaction. “I do not care what you think. I do not even judge myself,” because he knew if he got out of line for the purpose given him, God would correct him.

Not anyone else could correct him because he was working directly with God.

As I now am, so whatever others believe, say, or do no longer determines my reactions and destiny.

Of course, this also precludes me from criticizing, judging, and condemning other people too, so I have to self-monitor to keep old habits at bay.

Instead, I am to educate, inspire, and even entertain people to motivate them to stop wasting their valuable life time on things that is not theirs to do anything about and to encourage them to engage when it is theirs to do something about.

Not that does not mean we don’t step in when others are harming others. That we must do in whatever capacity we are called to do also.

One of the greatest rewards from no longer playing the criticizing, judging, and condemning game is the freed gift of time so I can pursue what is mine to pursue.

It’s a “live let live” mentality we all need to thrive … peacefully.

June 18, 2018

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Human/Animal Rights Activist Social Scientist Founder Entrepreneur Author Artist

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

©All Rights Reserved 2014

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Amanda Litman, “Never forget that activism and politics combined have brought us …”

“Never forget that activism and politics combined have brought us suffrage, the civil rights movement, marriage equality, the Affordable Care Act, and hundreds of thousands of seemingly small ordinances and laws that together make up the fabric of our civil society. Some days it seems like pushing a boulder uphill-victories will feel small and you won’t see immediate progress. But over the course of generations, the little wins will add up, changing your neighborhood, your town, your state, our country, our world. You can be a part of that.”

Amanda Litman, author of “Run for Something: A Real-Talk Guide to Fixing the System Yourself”

Grateful for all the ways people are “Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle” too without knowing about the global initiative to transform respect from the discretionary value it is to the global principle it can be.

Thank you Amanda. And thank you Oprah for the April 2018 Oprah Magazine with its focus, “What Would You Stand Up For?” that shared Amanda’s insights and wisdom.

May 15, 2018

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Human/Animal Rights Activist Social Scientist Founder Entrepreneur Author Artist

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

©All Rights Reserved 2015