3 Key Books That Enrich Your Life, Marriage/Partnerships/Relationships, Career, and Financial Goals

1. The 5 Love Languages
by Gary Chapman
Discovered why one person made me feel loved when others who loved me didn’t1.
2. Do What You Are
by Paul D. Tieger, Barbara Barron, and Kelly Tieger
More than a career book, a self discovery book with answers to many of our questions about ourselves, everyone else, and of course, what careers bring out best in us, including joy
3. It’s Your Money Honey
by Laura J. McDonald and Susan L. Misner
From childhood to the end, we can learn the best ways to be financially respectful, responsible, and caring and to teach by doing also, from both perspectives.
All three have greatly re-shaped my perspective and developed my abilities to be a more loving, happy, committed, successful, and responsible individual and I know they can do the same for you! Happy Reading and Growing!

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Advocate Educator Writer Social Entrepreneur & Founder

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

Smashwords interview @  www.smashwords.com

© All Rights Reserved 2014-2019 

March 10, 2019

A Hard Lesson, I Know From Experience, But Definitely Worth Learning

The more broken a person, the less likely he or she is to know or admit they are. This work reveals many consequences of one’s brokenness, the lack of knowledge about the impact brokenness manifests, and the often exaggerated egos developed to cope with the negative self-view shapes families, communities, workplaces, nations, and globally far more than humanity wants to acknowledge, yet once acknowledged has the power to change for the good.

Description of the upcoming new book …

Broken People Break People

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER

Founder President Author Speaker Artist

Connecting The Dots With The Respect Principle

©All Rights Reserved 2015

January 19, 2018

 

Connecting the Dots Column … High “Respect Level” Dating and Relationships

Preventing and stopping imbalanced, abusive, violent … disrespectful dating and relationships starts with us as individuals.

The single most contributing factor to anything less than high “Respect Level” dates and relationships is our lack of awareness about how our past shapes our lives.

Some of us already know that how our parents treated each other and us lays the foundation for what we will often, subconsciously, look for in relationships. It does not matter what our parenting was like … supportive, encouraging, critical, absent, neglectful, cruel, abusive or violent or like many, a combination … what matters is without recognizing our parenting experience we will often bring the same dynamics to all our other relationships.

Some parents want their children to have more than they had, but quite often the focus becomes too narrow on either the financial or on the unfulfilled dreams of the parents.

Wanting more financially in itself is not a problem, but when finances become the primary factor influencing lives, children either do not learn what is important to them or they disconnect from unique personal paths that may not seem financially sufficient for parental goals, just as when unfulfilled parents burden their children with their unrealized dreams.

A girl with a father who does not know how to treat his daughter with the respect she needs to develop strong, healthy boundaries, along with the confidence she needs to discover and develop her unique beauty, inside and out, later on searches for someone to fill those needs in her. Unfortunately, a girl, and later, the woman will continue the search, yet of course, in her search she will attract men who cannot give what she needs either and often will attract those who will exploit her needs to the point she will often accept behavior that is contrary to what she is searching for … even abusive and violent behavior.

A boy with a mother who does not know how to treat her son with the respect he needs to develop strong, healthy boundaries, along with the confidence he needs to develop healthy, balanced relationships with the opposite sex will often become needy and angry, sometimes in subtle ways such as the need to control women, using putdowns and sarcasm, as well as financial manipulation, yet also insecurities that feed irrational jealousy, neglect, abuse, and violence.

Regardless of the different historical scenarios, circumstances, and experiences, our present reveals what shaped us … that is unless we become aware of the influences and conditioning and consciously develop beyond them for us to be become more than our historical experiences.

Even the most loving parents with the best intentions may not be able to meet the needs of a child, especially one very different from either one of them, yet parents who have done the personal work of understanding their own history and its impact, will, as a result, consciously adopt new ways of being that create better choices for themselves and for their children, empowering parents and children to navigate and support the development of the unique qualities of the child.

How we develop healthy, respectful relationships … personal and professional … starts with parents and if a healthy relationship with one’s self has not happened, which is more the norm than not, then it is up to us as youths and adults to learn about the dynamics of the relationships that shaped many of our conscious and unconscious beliefs in order to grow beyond our history … not just to be parents, but also to be healthy, contributing global citizens … because we never know how our words or actions are going to impact someone in our daily lives.

I had a lot to learn to develop the “Respect Level” that is generating healthier boundaries in my personal and professional relationships. To help me reinvent my dating expectations and habits, I recently discovered the great little book by Greg Behrendt, author of “He’s Just Not That Into You.” “It’s Just a F***ing Date” with his new personal and professional partner, Amiira Ruotola is a funny, fresh, yet wise book I needed to teach me how to make the better … best choices myself … even though one of the choices I had to make was being alone until the knowledge gained empowered me to make the changes I needed to make in me and what different qualities to look for in the others beyond my historical conditioning.

Whether you fit into the “Been there, done that” and are skittish about delving back into the world of dating and serious relationships or are just starting out, gaining the knowledge first about ourselves will serves us well in attracting the dates, mates, and work environments best suited to who we really are and relationships that are mutually supportive.

800 words

November 13, 2015

Connecting the Dots Column … High “RESPECT LEVEL” Dating and Relationships

KAITLIN ANN TREPANIER … The Respect Specialist. Humanitarian. Social Entrepreneur. Speaker. Author. Poet. Playwright. Director. Publisher … Freeing potential and generating peace through education, entertainment and inspiration. © All rights reserved 2015

NEWSFLASH! EBooks now available https://www.smashwords.com and other favorite EBook retailers. Earn 11% as Smashwords Affiliate Marketer! Plus, the search for both a Business Manager and Partner(s) for the Respect-Building Youth Initiative, “Charles’ Choice” are on!

www.therespectprinciple.com.

Seeing past personality types, learning styles, body types and beliefs … to see and swim a new way.

We are complex creatures and not one of us is the same as another. Even identical twins have differences although not necessarily obvious to the eye.

Knowing this fact, accepting this reality, can be the compelling reason for us to consider, and put into practice, the fresh perspective that will serve us all well to see past personality types, learning styles, body types and our unique blend of beliefs is to operate on one universal principle.

Of course, the ideal is love … unconditional love, but as evidenced by our past and present, just the idea of valuing … respecting each unique person is a tall order in our global culture of Disrespect. The taller order is actually learning how to respect … to value all life in our words and actions … every day … in all our relationships, connections and interactions.

A simple example of how we struggle with this idea and simply resort to our conditioned response of prejudice is what I have experienced with a personal goal: the process of changing my swimming style.

Water has pulled me into its depths all my life. As a child, I spent hours on the river’s edge and within no time at all, following my Dad’s example, my child’s body was slicing through the green water to cross to the other side of the river. Though I have been told I did not take well to the public swimming pool and provided lessons, my swimming skills demonstrate I nonetheless did learn different swim strokes as well as the basics of diving, but it was only recently I discovered my swimming style was called the Tarzan stroke.

For known and unknown reasons, my swimming style meant I kept my head lifted out and above the water. One of the known reasons, though not entirely understood why, was to stop water from going up my nose. Yet diving is one of my favorite aspects of swimming.

In fact, one year, after a tumultuous period of my life, I even taught myself how to swan dive. Till then, I had never learned successfully how to use a spring diving board, so learning how to swan dive meant observing all users of spring boards and of course, especially the children, with their lack of fear and their bold fun who taught me to just let go and get comfortable with falling in the water in all kinds of ways; which also meant letting to of what people thought of a grown woman flopping into a pool as I grew accustomed to being out of control, so I could gain more trust in the process to achieve my goal.

In one winter season, my unconventional learning style did result in my ability to spring my body high into the air with arms spread wide and legs pulled together in proper form before my arms returned to their entry position as my body curved and sliced the pool’s surface. Sometimes on my entries my body was more rolled than straight and into an underwater somersault my body would roll. Sometimes my body was so straight and pointed, down to the bottom my arrowed body would rush. And sometimes, my body would have just enough of a curve to take me down so far but then gracefully sweep me back up to the surface. Even without a camera, I knew I was successful in completing my goal because of the response from observers, including the lifeguards.

A few years ago when I moved back to the home of my late teens and twenties where one of the greatest bodies of water, Lake Huron, once challenged and strengthened my swimming abilities, I soon realized how much I had let my swimming strength diminish. Upon my return, I also discovered one of the newer challenges I wanted to experience, surfing, is becoming a growing popular sport at the town’s main beach because of the dynamics of the breakwall, piers and currents.

A significant water level drop since I owned property south of the town’s border and even south of the area known as Boiler Beach has resulted in significant lake changes, including rip currents that develop in between sandbars and beside piers; rip currents that can thrust even an accomplished swimmer across the surface of the water in seconds, leaving them disoriented and if not wise in the ways of these sometimes volatile waters, stranded in deep water, exhausted from fighting the water’s stronger force. Safe swimming, as well as surfing and any other water activity, is now best-managed by learning how rip currents work, how to get out of their often frightening grasp, more safety strategies and tools, plus stronger swimming skills for this great lake.

For me, stronger swimming skills translates into face-in-the water comfort by learning to swim the crawl as opposed to wasting energy trying to keep myself alive by keeping my head above water at all times by swimming the energy-zapping Tarzan stroke. Changing a fifty-year style of swimming has not been easy or as quick as some would hope … especially people with different personality types, learning styles, body types and beliefs.

As a result of a lot of personal work, I know me very well these days and that includes the recognition none of the above … personality types, learning style, body types and even beliefs are the same as the majority. First, many people like constant attention while learning. In contrast, I excel when I gather new information and then go off on my own to practice and experiment because someone constantly talking at me is a distraction to me, but welcomed by other personality types. When I need more information, I come back for more, taking all the pieces and working on them individually before I start integrating them. For example, two of the biggest challenges I faced was getting used to putting my face horizontal in the water and learning how to breathe as I lifted my face partially out of the water, first to the right and eventually also to the left. Changing my kick from a thrust to a constant flutter meant developing the muscles in my hips and legs in new ways. Then there were the goggles, the bathing cap, getting the arm strokes coordinated with the breathing and the face in the water plus the new style of kick, etc.

Knowing what I know about my personality type, learning style and even body type, I should have known better than to take lessons in a big class with so many swimmers who, as it turns out, already swim the way I was there to learn how to do.

So, after two classes, I took the information provided, did some research of my own and started swimming on my own, breaking down old habits and instilling new ones, which, of course is taking time, though in truth it has only been a few months. Still, I find several people are quick to share their opinions about what I am doing wrong even though they know nothing about me other than what they see in their mind snapshots of my swimming endeavors.

Yet I know, if observers do not have the same personality type as I they will not understand how I work well on my own, breaking down big pictures into the details in order to construct a new big picture. They will not know that my body type is first a sprinter, excelling in activities that require quick and short bursts of great speed and that in order for me to become an endurance performer, I first have to train my body and mind with how it works best … using my natural speed with an element at a time until I can bring all the elements together quickly … in a flash, so I can experience what the new way of swimming I am striving for feels like … so I can build that feeling into my endurance training and goals.

“You swim too fast, your head is not deep enough in the water, you need a camera with video to watch your form,” are just some of the comments and suggestions I have heard, albeit, no doubt with good intentions, but yet at the same time this experience greatly demonstrates how we like, prefer even, everyone to be like us … to do as we do, to act as we act, to think as we think, to learn as we learn … and yet, no matter how much we may try, we are not like anyone else … and never will be without losing our own identity. We, each of us, are unique combinations of a number of factors, none of which is duplicated in anyone else.

Learning to appreciate we are not like everyone else and to understand that our differences from others does not make us or anyone else wrong, but just different is a very important step in making our world a safer and more peaceful place to live.

Valuing … respecting our differences, as well as our similarity in being unique creatures, is a huge step in making our world the safer and the most peaceful place we all want to live.

Hmmm, on that note, it is off to the pool I go in a few hours to recapture the new feeling I experienced during my last swim session when everything finally came together … speed, stroke, right and left breathing. Now I can begin to refine my form and build up my endurance so I will be ready this summer to be the swimmer and surfer I envision myself to be.

March 17, 2014

Kaitlin A. Trepanier
http://www.kaitlinatrepanier.com

All Rights Reserved by DARK HORSES PRODUCTIONS/KAITLIN A. TREPANIER … CREATIVE WRITER, ADVOCATE, and PROJECT SPECIALIST responsible for the creation of the global initiative Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE … because every child … every person … should know, by their own experience, they are valued … RESPECTED.

Mental Health … or Just Broken Hearts and Spirits?

Science has shown that depression, in time, actually manifests itself in people’s brains and bodies, affecting the chemicals in our brains that motivate or de-motivate us.

The “key” to consider I believe is the “in time” label.

First, let us remember that some people are born with the chemical imbalance that causes depression and its often disastrous side effects, particularly suicide.

But let’s also consider how people not born with the chemical brain imbalance become depressed.

In a world constantly affirming that no one is entitled to respect … to be valued … unless someone in authority says so … people becoming depressed is easy to understand.

When a child is taught by their experience, as the majority of children are based on the results generated from the beginning till now, that their “value’ is determined by others’ thoughts and expectations, such a child loses his or her identity in the process of pleasing others to gain their respect … to feel valued … and therefore safe, protected … but relying on others not only will disappoint children, but also in reality also has the potential to cause great harm and severe danger, including death by violence, suicide or murder.

The training tool employed by the Disrespect Philosophy unconsciously driving our world is the repetitive “breaking” of hearts and spirits. Some people call the effect depression; something wrong that becomes wrong or broken in people’s minds but both my own experience and my research indicate otherwise. Both indicate the precursor to the level of depression that creates havoc with a life has more to do with the repetitive damage done to a person’s heart and spirit … and if not healed, opens the path for depression to sink into the cells of one’s brain and body.

In other words, the real mental health challenge is not depression, but its root cause, disrespect.

For some people depression that has been inside one too long needs to be treated with medication as well as the personal work to discover the damage done to one’s heart and spirit and to heal so one can move forward; however, what I found the most helpful was the discovery of where and when, the personal journey to heal … that increased my RESPECT LEVEL to a high enough level …. so I could reclaim my identity … and then to a higher RESPECT LEVEL that resulted in my reconnecting with my spirituality … all of which finally resulted in my experiencing the peace nothing else generated in my fifty plus years, along with the confidence, courage and direction to finally move upward and forward.

Family and friends thought I lost “it” twenty years ago when I walked away from everything and everyone I knew. What no one seemed to understand or wanted to hear was I had not lost my mind, but instead my heart and spirit had lost the desire to use my mind … that is the difference between depression and a nervous breakdown from a brokenness deep in the core of one’s self.

Science is a great tool and methodology to help us understand ourselves and our world, but like all things and fields of study, science is only a part of the big picture. Labels are created to help us understand our differences and each other, but labelling in itself quickly becomes prejudicial in a world still driven by the unconscious belief we are only as valuable as we are labelled … worthy of respect, worthy of being valued or worthy of being rejected, abandoned, denied, reshaped, conformed … etc.

In light of this train of thought, perhaps we can re-consider the stigma attached to mental health for what it is too … yet another level of prejudice created by the Disrespect Philosophy’s premise … no one is valuable unless someone in authority … decides someone is worthy.

The question begged then is the Disrespect Philosophy and its fallout problems of broken hearts, broken spirits and eventually the mental health problems, including depression what we want to serve as our legacy?

February 21, 2014

Kaitlin A. Trepanier
http://www.kaitlinatrepanier.com

All Rights Reserved by DARK HORSES PRODUCTIONS/KAITLIN A. TREPANIER, Getting YOU the RESPECT YOU Want … Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE Author, Writer, Playwright, Poet, Lyricist, Artist, Advocate, Speaker, Researcher, Analyst, Developer, Project Specialist, Creative Director, Founder … because every child … every person … should know, by their own experience, they are valued … RESPECTED.

Truth or Deception? I would not change a thing because …

Many of have heard people say or perhaps we have said the words ourselves, “I would not change a thing in my life because of what I have learned and the results in my life now.”

I used to believe this too, though now I call this thinking a fallacy because of a question that arose … does this kind of thinking empower us to make our world and the world-at-large a better place so we all thrive? Or are we just continuing to accept this hand-me-down mentality and passing its limitations onto the next generations?

After considering this mindset extensively I realize this perspective is yet another deception the Disrespect Philosophy creates to keep us small, with little expectation or hope, repeating the past over and over, instead of empowering us to create significant lasting personal and cultural change.

I will give you my scenario and hopefully as you read this, you will consider yours … from both perspectives.

For years I thought all the very limiting and negative experiences my life was filled with were my fault … including the abuses I experienced as a child … for being misunderstood, different, pre-judged, starving for acceptance and as a result, vulnerable to people who prey, consciously or not, on the vulnerability of the broken-hearted and the broken-spirited with promises that eventually caused me great harm … the dangerous kind of harm that reduces a child’s, a youth’s, an adult’s RESPECT LEVEL to such a low-level one keeps attracting the same level of disrespect from others … reinforcing and reducing one’s RESPECT LEVEL that turns what started out to be a happy, loving being into a negative, frightened being who seeks to hurt first in relationships or runs away or uses habits as distractions.

Then being forced to make changes to survive, I then embraced the idea that I had to go through all I did in life so I could do what I am doing … advocating, writing, creating; however, based on an idea that grew into the premise, Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE. As a result, now I know for years I was being deceived by our global Disrespect Philosophy or if you are a Christian believer, as I am again, you would say it was the Enemy. Because I know this now, I also know this fallacy created yet another deception … another fallacy … the one that still wants me to believe and reinforce by saying, “I would not change a thing in my life because of what I have learned and the results in my life now.”

For now I see through this veil of deception imprisoning most of us.

For in truth, if we lived in a global culture of “Respect for all life,” based on The RESPECT PRINCIPLE, we would bring children into a world where we would have made the “Respect Full” changes to ensure all children would not have to qualify or be approved of in order to receive healthy food, shelter, clothing, medicine, education and if not love, at least RESPECT, the simple recognition that they, as the unique individuals they are, are valued … are valuable … just for being who they are.

In my case, if my parents, family, school, community, province and country had a high enough RESPECT LEVEL for those more different from themselves, they would have sought to discover what personality type I was, what were my primary and secondary communicating and learning styles, what type of learning environment I needed to develop my own identity, boundaries and a healthy RESPECT LEVEL for myself, and as a result, for others, thereby developing to the best ability the social skills to interact well with the world in all my relationships.

But they did not know my personality type thrives on study, research, exploration and then lots of analysis, introspection, problem solving, and creativity. They did not know my personality type’s mind receives vast internal stimulation whereas the majority of people require external stimulation from the world around them to keep them engaged mentally and that when I am in the external world too long, I shutdown to protect myself. But of course, the irony is, shutting down and withdrawing from those people whose brains require vast external stimulation often, because of ignorance, misjudge and mistreat those who withdraw, often taking their withdrawal personally, which ultimately puts those trying to protect themselves in more danger.

They did not know how their ignorance and their demand for 100% conformity broke my heart and my spirit as well as contributed to the harm to my body … inflicted by others and my self because of my low RESPECT LEVEL for myself.

And this is where many people will say, “But look at what you have learned, who you have become … a writer, author, advocate and so much more,” but I say this now, “But look at how much more I could have given to the world, at what a better citizen, student, role model, wife, daughter, sister, friend, supporter, community member I could have been all my life … if I knew from experience I was valued and aided accordingly for who I was and for my unique gifts, talents and abilities. I tell you who I would have been, what I would have done, the life I would have lived … I would have been placed in a Montessori school where self-directed education is best suited for my personality type. I would have received an athletic scholarship for the physical prowess and stamina I inherited from both of my parents. Because of my natural desire to study, I would have a few degrees, would be a lifelong successful author, an altruistic entrepreneur and so much more. I would not have married twice because I would have made better choices for me because I would have known myself better and not tried to get my value through other people whether in relationships or work I did. I would have been more respectful of others … their feelings, their things and I would have enjoyed happier and healthier relationships with my family.

Though this is my story, this is also everyone’s story … just look at our world.

Now that my years of study, research, analysis and problem-solving have revealed the lies and deceptions for what they are, now I am being who I was destined to be, doing what I was destined to do, life is good and my life will one day reflect that good … but if I had grown up in a world with a higher RESPECT LEVEL, my whole life would have bore the fruit of being who I really am … all my life and not just in the last half of my life … and the world I was in contact with during my lifetime would have been better for that experience.

If I could, I would change almost everything about my life, starting with my early years, where in photos I find a happy, joyful, exuberant child ready to explore the world, but since I cannot do it over for me, I am dedicated to shedding the light on the darkness … on the lies and deceptions the Disrespect Philosophy, the Enemy have used to hold us as prisoners.

I hope and pray you will too … it is never too late to be who you are meant to be.

February 17, 2014

Kaitlin A. Trepanier
http://www.kaitlinatrepanier.com

All Rights Reserved by DARK HORSES PRODUCTIONS/KAITLIN A. TREPANIER, Getting YOU the RESPECT YOU Want … Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE Author, Writer, Playwright, Poet, Lyricist, Artist, Advocate, Speaker, Researcher, Analyst, Developer, Project Specialist, Creative Director, Founder … because every child … every person … should know, by their own experience, they are valued … RESPECTED.

Connecting “Competition” … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE

What does competition mean to you? Does it mean succeeding at all costs? Does it mean feeling bad about one’s self when one doesn’t win? Does it mean a constant comparison to other people? Does it mean strained relationships because you are trying to just be who you really are and other people are still caught up in competing with you because they do not yet believe in the value of themselves as they really are?

Based on the Connecting the Dots … with the RESPECT PRINCIPLE, our definition of competition and one’s success will be based on our internalized RESPECT LEVEL.

Before proceeding, let’s keep in mind that most of what drives our unconscious or subconscious thoughts and actions is a deep, negative, global conditioning I call the Disrespect Philosophy … the core belief that no one is worthy or entitled to be valued … respected … without some qualifier … without someone’s or some stamp of approval by some group … and this is the root of unhealthy competition.

Unhealthy competition is a drive that compels us to constantly compare ourselves to others. When people do not reflect us and our beliefs, we judge them to be above or below us. If above, we try to be something we are not … something that does not feel natural to us nor does it make us feel good about ourselves and since we will not measure up, we will seek ways, mostly in our minds, but some people act out their thoughts and feelings, to knock our “competitor” down to our own level … or below. If we judge someone as below us, we ignore them completely or treat them as less valuable or worse.

People with a high RESPECT LEVEL know competition between ourselves and others does not really exist because the only person we can truly compete with is our self. We know we are unique individuals and our only real challenge is discovering, expressing and refining our unique qualities, gifts, talents … strengths. Sometimes that translates into our winning a prize or special recognition or being selected for a job, etc., but often mostly translates into how we choose to live our daily lives.

With a high RESPECT LEVEL, competition is not seen as a drive to be better than another, but about being the best we can be, about doing the best we can … and letting the results not be viewed as failure, but just as an experience … an experience we can appreciate, learn from or let go of in order to move forward.

There really are no losers or winners if we are all doing our best to be who we really are underneath all the external expectations. We were created as beautiful, unique beings, with our own unique gifts, talents and abilities to discover, develop and share. Do this one thing and we win every day of our lives … and so does the world we share with the rest of the beautiful, unique beings who need to be taught how not to be carbon copies of others, but to be who they really are too.

A high RESPECT LEVEL a win win for us all

February 3, 2014

Kaitlin A. Trepanier
http://www.kaitlinatrepanier.com

All Rights Reserved by DARK HORSES PRODUCTIONS/KAITLIN A. TREPANIER, Getting YOU the RESPECT YOU Want … Connecting the Dots … with The RESPECT PRINCIPLE Developer, Author, Speaker, Playwright, Altruistic Entrepreneur, and Human Rights Activist … because every child … every person … should know, by their own experience, they are valued … RESPECTED.